“Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.”

“Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.”

“If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.”

“In most polls there are always about 5 percent of the people who 'don't know.' What isn't generally understood is that it's the same people in every poll.”

“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”

“Of course, in Los Angeles, everything is based on driving, even the killings. In New York, most people don't have cars, so if you want to kill a person, you have to take the subway to their house. And sometimes on the way, the train is delayed and you get impatient, so you have to kill someone on the subway. That's why there are so many subway murders; no one has a car.”

“I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck. ”