“Well, the problem is, it's not easy for me to think of ways to improve myself, because I'm pretty much one of the best people I know.”

“I'm basically one of the best people I know.”

“The best person I know is Myself.”

“I don't know if this makes me a bad person or whatever, but it's hard for me to get interested in other people's vacations.”

“I got to give mom credit for how she handled it.She didn't try to pry and get all the details. All she said was that I should try to do "the right thing" because it's our choices that make us who we are. I figure that's pretty decent advice. But I'm still not 100% sure what I'm going to do tomorrow.”

“Dear Aunt Loretta,Thank you so much for the awesome pants! How did you know I wanted that for Christmas?I love the way the pants look on my legs!All my friends will be so jealous that I have my very own pants. Thank you for making this the best Christmas ever!Sincerely, Greg”

“He got the crib, so for the first few months of my life I had to sleep in the top dresser drawer, which I'm pretty sure isn't even legal.”