“And thus, having been assured by Themis, the mother of the Fates,that it was fated that she & the God of War should meet, Aphrodite, with downcast eyes,informed the Goddess of Oracles, Rites & Laws that she would be happy to accept Ares` challenge, adding that she thought that Mars sounded better than Ares & that she would prefer to call him Mars if he would call her Venus.”

“Hera thus suggested that she would tell Zeus that he had to couple with Aphrodite as a matter of duty, not love,since this was the wish of Eros & Chaos who were responsible for the Big Bang.And Themis volunteered to tell Aphrodite that she would have to couple with the King of the Gods for the same reason.And thus Themis & Hera took it upon themselves to rectify the consequences of the Big Bang by arranging the Big Crunch. And when the news got around, all the Gods & Goddesses of Olympus said that they would like to witness the spectacle.”

“But as the God of War, Mars could not help being belligerent.He announced that he had come to avenge the honour & dignity of his brother,Hephaestus, & was glad that she had accepted his invitation to do battle.He now challenged her to remove her girdle since he had heard that it was a magic girdle & would thus afford the wearer undue advantage, as he would now remove all his battle attire so that, as their wearer, he too would not enjoy any undue advantage. And so saying, the belligerent Mars doffed his warlike raiment & stood proud & naked before her. And, thus provoked,Venus took off her girdle & did likewise.”

“For a moment, she stood transfixed, conscious of all the eyes that were staring at her, some admiringly, others lasciviously. Then she began to dance. Gracefully & nimbly, not vulgarly. There was no need to separate her thighs & wrench open her cup to display her hymen. Such an act would be unbecoming for a Goddess. Thus, she danced as the Goddess Artemis would, or the Goddess Hebe would, or the Goddess of Love, Aphrodite, herself would, dance with the Graces in the gardens of Olympus.[MMT]”

“Hera said that Hephaestus was the one who made the lovely chariots for Zeus, Poseidon & Hades. Also the one for Helios, the Sun God. And if she married him, he might make one for her too. But she did not tell the young Goddess of Love why none of the Goddesses wanted to marry him in the first instance & that he was ugly & a cripple. She also omitted to tell her that Hephaestus, having created the first woman, Pandora, from clay, had neither the patience nor the inclination to woo & pamper women, let alone put up with the changing moods of the young lovely Goddesses at Olympus. And that even the warlike & down-to-earth Athena had dropped him like a ton of bricks.As Aphrodite did not appear to have any choices, she nodded her head & thus accepted Hera as her future mother-in-law. And this explains one of the greatest mysteries in Greek Mythology: why the loveliest & most beautiful of the Goddesses would agree to marry the ugliest of the Gods. For this mismatch would not have happened if not for Hera.”

“Aphrodite then reminded Zeus what Themis had said. She had to swallow a whole amphora full of his seed before Eros & Chaos would let her girdle hang free. And she said that she looked forward to swallowing his seed, if he would let her. Zeus then took the young Goddess in his arms & told her that he would even willingly give her a whole amphora full of his blood if that would make her happy. He would like to give her all the seed that his sperm sacs could produce each day but only wished that the transaction did not have to go through Hera.”

“And it was told that as soon as Poseidon saw the young Goddess, who looked no more than eighteen years of age, by human reckoning, passion immediately overwhelmed him. Unlike all the other Goddesses & Nymphs of the Sea, Aphrodite was not naked. She wore a huge girdle around her slender waist which covered her breasts & her hips as well as her crotch & buttocks. And, thus, instead of impaling her with his trident, Poseidon was overcome with curiosity as to what she hid beneath her girdle. He thus introduced himself as the King & Sheriff of the Seas & told the young Goddess that, as such, no secrets should be kept from him by all those who wished to live in the sea. He would therefore request that she removed the girdle to show him what she hid beneath it.”