“99% of all problems can be solved by money -- and for the other 1% there's alcohol.”

“A friend told me that one day he and I would be rich and famous. I told him that I'd trade my half of the fame, for his half of the money.”

“I must give myself permission not to like myself. It's ok. Plenty of other people don't like me either. And I have much higher standards.”

“Be thankful for the little you've got, and a little is all you're gonna get.”

“I wish all those who've found God, would tell the rest of us where he's been hiding.”

“As with most things, my approach to writing has been entirely ass-backwards. I first had to become everything but a writer -- exhaust all possibilities. I had to come to it on my knees. Only when there was truly nothing left, was I able to become a writer.”

“And so once again peace reigned in his kitchen cabinet. The voices he'd been hearing as he lie in bed stopped. His doctor took him off the Lithium. Tho every now and again he'd hear what seemed to be the sounds of love making emanating from the kitchen . . . and the muffled sobs of a can of refried beans. Probably just the Mexican couple in the apartment upstairs. (From "Kitchen Cabinet Confidential")”