Adam Selzer

“I mean, you really can't imagine how awesome coffee tastes, or how awesome it is to hear music, to hear idiots talking... I mean, it hurts. Everything hurts. But everything in the world is so awesome that sometimes I just can't stand it.”

“Not that anyone minds--no one's paying attention to the music. Most of them never really listen to music. Practically no one actually does. Even at concerts people pay good money for, instead of a three-dollar cover charge, they talk through the whole thing. I feel sorry for them, since none of them understand what it's like to have a song just get into your soul and become your whole world. They don't know what it's like when a song changes your life.”

“Wow,” says Peter, “when your guidance counselor tells you to die, you really have problems.”

“I had figured out that it was a bad idea, but, well, it´s hard to argue with love, even when it´s making you do something really stupid.”

“Go to college. Have a lot of babies. Break a lot of hearts. And realize every minute of it.”

“When you're dead, everything in the world is like a song that makes you cry.”

“The Civil Rights Act of 1964 was the most sweeping civil rights legislation of its day, and included women's rights as part of its reforms. Ironically, the section on women's rights was added by a senator from Virginia who opposed the whole thing and was said to be sure that if he stuck something about womens' rights into it, it would never pass. The bill passed anyway, though, much to the chagrin of a certain wiener from Virginia.”

“Whenever I start thinking about death, it always cheers me up to think about my funeral and my tombstone (which, by the way, will say "Here lies Harlan Sturr. Please don't pee on him.") ”

“Let me get this straight," I say. "You're practically ordering me to die. What kind of guidance counselor are you?”

“When a girl turns down your advances, the polite thing to do is just move on.”

“Isn't it generally known that you have to overlook flaws in people you date, to some extent? I mean, you expect them to overlook your flaws. It's only fair that you overlook some of theirs.”

“If you really like someone, it doesn't matter what their mouth feels or tastes like. The kiss is still awesome.”

“I mean, who wants to date a guy who thinks a girl who can't operate a fruit cup is attractive?”

“Did you just hit on her by calling her your cousin?" asks Sadie. "'Cause, damn!”

“Some of them are wearing skirts that I'm pretty sure are supposed to be belts.”

“A long time ago, Trinity and I made a list of types of guys you should never date. We add to it every now and then. It includes things like never date a guy whose computer costs more than his car (you'll never get him to pay attention to you except over instant messages), never date a guy who has a pet lizard (he's probably into weird stuff in bed) and never under any circumstances go on a second date with a guy who says the word "married" on the first date (he'll turn out to be a mama's boy or a religious type)”

“What are you eating?" he ask us."Whatever won't kill me, please" I said."Whatever don't kill you'll make you stronger" says Eddie, who is always ready with folksy wisdom."All right," I say. "Then give me whatever will make me stronger.""One pizza, coming up.”

“There a lot of things I can't do," he says. "With my... health.""Well," I say, "can you kiss girls?”

“And the third is from him: "Second date?"I immediately text him back: "Hell yeah!"Then I collapse on my bed and enjoy that "butterflies in the stomach" feeling. I've felt the butterflies before from time to time, but this is the first time I haven't sort of wanted to attack them with a flyswatter.”