alan goldsher
Alan Goldsher is the author of the acclaimed Beatles/horror remix novel, "Paul Is Undead: The British Zombie Invasion" and the forthcoming "The Sound of Music" mash-up "My Favorite Fangs: The Story of the von Trapp Family Vampires."
He has written nine other books, including "Hard Bop Academy: The Sidemen of Art Blakey and the Jazz Messengers" and "Modest Mouse: A Pretty Good Read." Written as A.M. Goldsher, his chicklit novels "The True Naomi Story," "Reality Check," "Today’s Special," and "No Ordinary Girl" were released by Little Black Dress Books in the U.K. and Marabout in France between 2008-2011.
As a ghostwriter, Alan has collaborated on projects with dozens of notable celebrities and public figures, including comics Kevin Pollak and Bernie Mac, jazz legend George Benson, athletes John Salley and Sarah Reinertsen, and director Tobe Hooper.
His music journalism has appeared in Bass Player and Guitar Player, and his sportswriting has been seen in ESPN The Magazine, ESPN.com, NBA.com, and ChicagoBulls.com. He also reviews books for Kirkus.
During his 10-plus years as a professional bassist, Goldsher recorded with Janet Jackson, Cypress Hill, and Naughty by Nature; toured the world with Digable Planets; and performed at the 1994 Grammy Awards.
Alan lives and writes in Chicago. Visit him at http://www.AlanGoldsher.com.
“Then he said in his most excellent Mick impression, "Your powers are useless against Ninja Lords, O great zombie hunter! Surrender or feel the sting of the shuriken!”
“I said to him, "State your business, mortal!" There was no need for me to call him "mortal" or to speak like a sixteenth-century knight. It just sounded cool.”
“John Lennon: The only reason I didn't torture Dick Rowe was because Paul asked me not to. And when Paulie gives you those sad puppy-dog eyes, well, it's hard to refuse him...and it has nothing to do with hypnosis. There's a reason people call him the Cute fookin' Beatle.”
“After John gave his little speech to the orchestra, he turned to Paulie and said, "What do you think, mate? Are you with me or not." Paul said, "Not. You're on your own." John said, "No, I'm not on my own. You're with me. I was being rhetorical. It wasn't a question." Paul said, "Yes, it was. You said, 'Are you with me or not?' You started your sentence with the word 'are'. By definition, any sentence with the word 'are' at the beginning of it is a question." John said, "That's not necessarily true. I didn't upturn my voice, and if there's no upturn, there's no question.”
“Before John could even get through the first verse, who bursts through the door and jumps right into the fray, lips a'kissin' and hips a'wigglin'? That's right, kids, everbody's favorite zombie hunter. Mick Jagger strode right up to John, raised his arms to the sky, and said, 'O zombie Lennon! It ends here.”
“George had taken off all ten of his fingers and tied them into a bundle with what appeared to be either his own small intestines, or a guitar string; as I walked into the room, he lovingly placed the bundle on his head.”
“George Harrison: Paul transformed me in my bedroom, and it was awkward, to say the least. It was like being on a blind date, complete with stilted conversation and elliptical innuendo. He said, "So." Then I said, "So." Then he said, "So." Then I said, "So." That went on for, I dunno, five minutes or something.”
“George Harrison: The day after the Blue Angel audition, John showed up to rehearsal with a long list of name suggestions, and I remember each and every one of them: the Deads-men, the Deadmen, the Undeads-men, the Undeadmen, the Rots, the Rotters, the Dirts, the Dirty Ones, the Grayboys, the Eaten Brains, the Eating Brains, the Mersey Beaters, the Mersey Beaten, the Bloodless, the Graves, the Headstones, and the Liverpools of Blood. Paul ripped off John's right arm and used it to slap John across the face, then he said, "Those're horrible, mate, just horrible, y'know.”