Alecia Whitaker

“And although I wish his heart were pure gold, I guess I've always known that it's more of the brass variety.”

“Lying there, looking up at the stars, I took a few major cuss words out for a test drive before I started to cry.”

“That's stupid," Luke says sharply, totally out of character, and shoots Laura a look that makes her flush red. "First of all, she's not ugly-pretty, she's just normal pretty. What a dumb thing to say. And second, she's different from the average girl 'cause she doesn't even need makeup."Silence. Luke looks down at his arm and twirls the leather strap around his wrist. I nudge him, and when he looks up at me, I mouth Thank you, not trusting my voice since an unexpected lump has found its way to my throat.”

“And then-The lights are on.My first reaction is the lack of one. I'm too stunned. One second later, though, I hit the deck, pulling at the blankets below me and shielding my eyes.”

“I see a human form coming toward me, arms outstretched. Assuming that form to be naked, I duck and back up so as not to get groped by one of my zombie friends,only to back my bare heinie into someone else."Ahh!" Mackenzie screams."Ahh!" I scream right back.Ohmygosh, ohmygosh, ohmygosh. My eyes are adjusting, and I see that all five of us are jumping up and down and screaming. We would usually hug or fall into some kind of laughing pileup in this kind of situation,but in our current state, we insteadt sort of cover our chests with one forearm and slap at the air in front of us with the other. Then we all start shushing one another, terribly afraid of waking up anyone else in the house.Kimi opens the door to the family room and we peek out. No sign of human life in the kitchen. I spooked myself in there only a few minutes ago, and now I'm about to run headlong into this very same nightmare naked. What is wrong with me?”

“And Seriously,I'm still small enough to totally destroy everyone at hide and seek. Lame? Or kind of awesome? You decide.”

“Cowboys in the old days wore guns on their belts' my dad whips his cell phone out of a leather case clipped to his belt, like his very own six-shooter.”

“He's still blabbing about how much he hates Mark Watts and now sucky he is at basketball (Who cares?),which I interpret as Blah,blah,kill me now, blah, blah, my life is over, blah, blah, blah.”

“I play it cool."Uh,yeah, I think so," I say, furioously kicking my feet in the air. "You?""Yeah,it should be pretty fun," he says."Yeah,it should be," I say.Pause,pause,pause,heartbeat racing. I can't catch my breath."You know who you're going with?" he asks.I'm sorry,but OH.MY.GOD."Nah," I say, pulling off nonchalance like a pro. "You know me; it's hard to choose when half the school is beating down my door."He chuckles. "I don't doubt it."Beat down my door, Wolf. Beat it down right now.I'll say yes!”

“Oh,you talking to me now?" I ask."What?" he aks innocently, his cocoa eyes ide. "You noticed my silencio treatment in Spanish class?" He takes his shot,sinking it."Yeah,I noticed when I had to do Actividad twenty-to by myself,as both waiter and customer," I say, catching the ball and passing it back to him.”

“That's cool," he says."Yeah," I say, and we go into another marathon pause."So..." he finally says. "Think you can start talking to me again?""Oh,so you noticed the silencio treatment?" I tease. My horoscope in Seventeen this month encourages me to "take a romantic risk," so I'm going for it."Yeah,I noticed when I had to do Actividad thirty-three as both fruit vendor and customer," he says, and I can hear him grinning through the phone.”

“Squished between my grandparents and moving at thirty miles an hour is a small price to pay to get to the vet's office, but today Luke begged to come along, so Papaw is driving even slower than usual. With Luke hunched don behind us in the bed of the truck, obviously without a seat belt, Mamaw keeps her eye on the odometer and yells about "precious cargo" every time the needle nears twenty.”

“Okay,like I could write about being new to this school and feeling really self-conscious already, you know, 'cause I'm new and haven't really gotten my growth spurt yet...in any capacity."This gets a few chuckles and I plow forward."Then,at this meeting, maybe some cool, hot jock is sitting next to me and asks me to stand up, only to have the entire classroom staring at me as I say, 'But I am standing up!' Except,you know, funnier."A few kids giggle and the big guy next to me grunts, "Pretty funny."I smile over at my new comrade and smack his massive shoulder like we're old friends.I'm going to have to get his name."I mean, obviously it'd be better than that. But I just think it'd be good comif relief," I add, doing what my dad calls laying it on thick. "And we could put it near the pet obits to balance out all the high-school-is-depressing-enough vibes!"Now the laughs are easy and everyone's smiling, and I feel myself loosen up a bit. Just like Mom and Dad with cheerleading, these folks are cracking under my spell, and I start really amping up the drama."And I know I couldn't use 'Traumarama' as a title since Seventeen already does, but I'm thinking 'Trauma and Drama-Terrible Tales of Teenagedom,' or something like that, with some real-life gossip mixed in.”

“I take a deep breath and put on my best smile. You could sell ice to Eskimos, my dad always says, and looking at this crowd, I think I'm going to have to be quite the salesman.”

“High school is depressing enough."I tend to agree.”

“Like,I didn't realize that the sportswriter is actually Mayor Green's son.That makes him the biggest celebrity I've ever met,which I do recognize as totally pathetic.”

“I turn to go, not wanting to be late, and almost run into a tray full of mystery meat."Where you going?" Wolf asks, his confident grin slipping. "I was about to join y'all.""Take my place,then," I say coldly. "Poor substitute, but whatever.”

“I guess he sees the mortified look on my face-Can I get a little bedside manner here?-because he awkwardly pats the sides of my arms and tried to smile.”

“I stay quiet; I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea.I'm still mad.”

“Not "I'm sorry,Ericka," or "I suck," or "I lost all the feeling in my fingers and couldn't dial a telephone." Nothing!I can't believe what I'm hearing.In fact, I can't believe what I'm not hearing.”

“Wolf apparently holds me to some kind of moral standard that he himself doesn't even observe but thinks I should.”

“Then I think about Photoshopping a picture of Wolf and me together in the yearbook: Best Couple.In your face, mysterious ponytailed wench.”

“For one thing,I have school tomorrow. Two,my right leg is still in Sasquatch mode.”

“Hello?" I say nonchalantly, as if I don't have one leg cocked up and bleeding or an overbearing mother sucking all the air out of the room.”

“Well, I don't know," he starts, looking down and then up again, anywhere but at me. "Like, for example, your new clothes, it's like a whole new you. You dress more like those girls now.""I just want to look nice!" I defend myself."No,not that that's a bad thing, Ricki Jo!" he says, glancing down at me and then back over his shoulder. "You look great. Really pretty, actually.Just, you didn't care before and you were still"-he stammers on-"y-you know...pretty.”

“I lean up on my elbows and see Luke and Bessie,who trump both the stick and me as Bandit races toward them, Bessie already running in the opposite direction.She's got a good game of hard to get going on,and Mr. Needy Dog is suddenly all "Ricki Jo who?" (He can call me that-we have history.)”

“My Best Friend Forever likes my True Love Always!"Oh,brother, I'm glad these things are secret,or he'd never get his jersey over his big head," Sarah grumbles.”

“Call me crazy,but something about throwing myself blindly backward seems not so smart.I can't see where I'm going, and it's hard to fearlessly toss my entire weight back.Then Kimi, in all of her bossiness, takes control of the situation and basically threatens my life if I don't do it.I don't want to look bad in front of these girls; plus, I tell myself, I'll beone step closer to accomplishing the ten goals of Project Ericka.Deep breath drawn, prayers said, I lean back over their arms...and voila! I do a back flap! (A very slow back flip-kind of like a back bend over Mackenzie's and Laura's arms where I get stuck, leaving Kimi and Sarah to grab my calves and heave me over-but a back flip nonetheless!)”

“I nod casually, making a mental note to block all telepathic vibes I may be sending into the universe. It would be pretty creepy if she knew I think her dad's sort of hot.”

“Asking Wolf to couples' skate is like bungee jumping without a cord-it may be the bravest thing I've ever done in my life.Or it could be the stupidest.There's only one way to find out.I look him dead in the eyes, summoning up both my courage and my sense of reckless abandon, but before I can even speak one syllable-"Oh!" he says, looking over one shoulder and dropping his hands. "Kaitlyn's free now. I gotta get over there!"He rushes off, blowing me an air kiss.My mouth should get used to falling open when he's around, either from his good looks or from his total lack of comprehension of all things polite. Did that just happen?My face in my palms, I lean on my elbows against the rail, invisible, and fall into an intoxicating state of self-pity.”

“He looks over at me, six feet two inches of total fear, and I sell him out-sell him right down the river.”

“He looks like the sexiest idiot I've ever seen.”

“Whenever I see my teachers out in the real world I clam up, get a sort of weird feeling, and look for the nearest exit.”

“Once Mamaw's eased her body onto the seat, pinning me in so tightly that a seat belt would just be redundant, we head out of the parking lot and onto the open road. Mamaw and Papaw have agreed to take me shopping for Mackenzie's birthday present, and we're heading out to The Square at the breakneck speed of thirty-four miles per hour."Slow down, Frank," my mamaw commands, patting my knee. "We've got precious cargo."He eases up on the gas and I throw my head back and close my eyes, anxious and frustrated.”

“She is waiting for me when I step outside of school at the end of the day, her sturdy frame standing by the passenger door of my papaw's small truck, waving. Yes,waving-ildly, with both arms in the air,and catching herself on the door when she loses her balance.Mortified,I attempt a nonchalant wave to the other girls on my squad. Practice actually went well today.I like the girls and I'm on top of all the pyraminds, which is cool.What is not cool is my grandmother shouting my name and motioning at me like an escaped mental patient who has taken a day job landing planes.I sprint over to their truck, which is parked diagonally across to handicapped spots, as quickly as I can."I'm here, gosh! Stop yelling," I say."Comee here, baby," she says, and before I know it, she's pressing me against her massive bosom in a bear hug, slapping my back and cooing into my ear. "You're Mamaw's baby, ain't ya? Yes, Mamaw's sure happy to see you."There is no escape.Because I am too short and scrawny and no match for her brute grandchild-love strength, I wait it out.”

“I turn around before any more parental flirting causes me to go blind.”

“Ricki Jo," Momma says, "who's on the phone? Tell them it's past your bedtime."I cover the receiver and look over my shoulder at my folks. Right. 'Cause a ten o'clock bedtime is something I want to shout from the mountaintops.”

“I wait for my dad to walk away before pulling back the covers and getting out of bed. Not exactly a Hallmark father-daughter moment.”

“(My momma + curvy roads= wear your seat belt.”

“Nothing sexy," interjects Momma, the ever-present buzz skill.”

“I start to feel like an empty canvas under the hands of Michelangelo. No! Like a swimmer who's gone out to far in the ocean being pulled back to shore by a fashion lifeguard.”

“We drive over the fields and the wind catches in my hair. I throw my arms back and face the sun.I feel like Leo in Titanic. 'Course, it only takes one pothole to snap me out of that little fantasy, and I hold on tight.”

“Oh, great.Round two of Knowing Your Body, By Debbi Winstead.”

“I've never seen you flip the bird, RJ," Luke says.I can't stop the little smile that creeps up onto my lips.I really don't know what came over me.I've never been the vixen.I'm always one hundred percent good girl."Yeah,it felt weird.And wrong. And awesome.""Well,you're lucky Mr. Bates didn't see you.Principles usually frown on that kind of sign language." He laughs."Mr. Bates can suck it," I say defiantly."Whoa!" Luke replies and we both laugh. "Have you been watching wrestling with Ben again? Admit it, Ricki Jo. You love oiled-up fat guys in unitards.""Ew!”

“It's clearing up.""Yeah.But work's boring without you there to complain about it," he teases.”

“Then you've got the kids who live within a mile of the school and can walk home. Although this may not sound glamorous, it still beats my place on the totem pole: the bottom. Yes, we of the bus routes find ourselves in a general throng outside the auditorium, where all who pass may mock us.We look forward to an hour-long ride of picking up and dropping off loud middle schoolers and louder elementary kids and peeling our hamstrings off the pleather seats over and over again in the heat.”

“The after-school routine is just another way to divide the popular from the less than.”

“The hour and a half that we've spent in the gym has flown by; I guess self-discovery is a fast-paced affair.”

“The eight count is brilliant, and Mackenzie's smile-and-nod method, although a bit perkier than the one I've been using at school, is a tool with which I am already comfortable. There are a few moments of borderline flailing, but overall I gallop off court feeling okay.My tumbling pass is another story.”

“After thirty minutes of learning and rehearsing this routine, I've decided to never show my aforementioned self-taught moves to the public. Today's dance style seems to involve a dash of bump and a cup of grind, with a heavy dose of attitude...ingredients I haven't incorporated before. Not having cable television can really keep a girl out of the loop.”