Alexandra Katehakis
Alexandra Katehakis, Ph.D., MFT, CSAT-S, CST-S is a Marriage Family Therapist, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist/Supervisor and Certified Sex Therapist/Supervisor, and Clinical Director of Center for Healthy Sex in Los Angeles. Dr. Katehakis has extensive experience in working with a full spectrum of sexuality; from sexual addiction to sex therapy, as well as and problems of sexual desire and sexual dysfunction for individuals and couples. She has successfully facilitated the recovery of many sexually addicted individuals and assisted couples in revitalizing their sex lives. She earned her Ph.D. from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality.
Dr. Katehakis has lectured for the U.S. Journal Training Conference series, the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health, the UCLA Annual Attachment Conference, the Psychotherapy Networker Annual Conference, the Couple’s Conference, Women’s Association of Addiction Treatment, Mt. Sinai Medical School, AIDS Project LA, Eastern Group Psychotherapy Society, Phillips Graduate Institute and Pepperdine University and teaches workshops on healthy sexuality in retreat settings, such as the Esalen Institute in Big Sur, California.
Alexandra has been a guest on several national radio, podcast, and news media programs including NPR, Inside Hollywood, Dr. Drew Live, Conversations with Alanis Morissette, Voice America, Sounds True, and WebMD. She has been a regular guest blogger at Psychology Today, Huffington Post, PsychCentral and has published in the Journal of Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity and the American Journal of Play. Additionally, Alexandra has been featured as a sex addiction and sex therapy expert in publications from New York Magazine, NBC News, Men's Health, Rolling Stone, the LA Times, The Hollywood Reporter, and the Washington Post.
She is the author of Sexual Reflections: A Workbook for Designing and Celebrating Your Sexual Health Plan (2018), Sex Addiction as Affect Dysregulation: A Neurobiologically Informed Holistic Treatment (2016), Erotic Intelligence: Igniting Hot Healthy Sex after Recovery From Sex Addiction (2010), co-author of Mirror of Intimacy: Daily Reflections on Emotional and Erotic Intelligence (2014), and a contributing author to Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts (2012) — all available on Amazon.
Professional affiliations include member of the teaching faculty at the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP); certification/membership/supervisor American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT); membership American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (AAMFT); and membership California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (CAMFT). MFC 36902
Dr. Katehakis is dedicated to continuous improvement of her knowledge and clinical skills and is a member of Dr. Alan Schore’s monthly study group since 2007 and other peer consultation groups. Most recently, Dr. Katehakis received the IITAP 2018 Leadership Award and was the 2012 recipient of the Carnes Award, a prestigious acknowledgement for her significant contributions to the field of sex addiction. She is also the 2013 co-recipient of the Clark Vincent Award for her role in writing sections of the clinical textbook Making Advances, the 2015 Book of the Year Award from AASECT for Mirror of Intimacy, and the 2016 Clark Vincent Award for Mirror of Intimacy.
“Above all, consider this: The greatest gift we can give ourselves, our children, and our world is to live well and love well.”
“Spiritualizing sex is actually a movement of energy—feeling and emotion—that rises within you and moves into your sexual physicality as an alive, tender, erotic, or passionate expression. Your bodies move without inhibition so all the energy can flow out of you and between the two of you. You allow spiritual energy to express its dance through you. Sexuality can be a profound demonstration of your love, and especially your freedom, to express and bond. Spiritual sex, then, combines how you express your love with the intentions or blessings you bring to your partnership.”
“Just as a heroin addict chases a substance-induced high, sex addicts are bingeing on chemicals — in this case, their own hormones.”
“Great spiritual teachers throughout the ages have stated that orgasm is the closest some people come to a spiritual experience because of the momentary loss of self. Why is this true? Because with spiritual sex, you move beyond orgasm into a connection with yourself, your partner, and the divine — recognizing them all as one.”
“Once it arrives, erotic sex cannot be chased or grasped at, for it shows itself when you’re not looking.”
“Much healing can occur through the sexual act with a person you love and trust if the two of you can stay with each other during your most vulnerable moments. You enter into a sacred space, this unknown territory, from which you’ll emerge into new and unexpected states of being.”
“Remember, sex is never a thing you just had. Sex is the intercourse, the merging or convergence, of who the two of you are—your spirits merging. People ask, “How was it for you?” The reply is often, “It was great.” But is this really the right question and answer? Instead, personalize your question and ask, “How are you?” Respond with depth. Gaze into each other’s eyes and speak your truth: “I’m over the moon,” or “I love you,” or “I melted and I’m just coming back into myself.”
“Take a trip to the exotic landscape of your lover’s body.”
“Many partners of addicts have told me they feel bad about themselves for staying in the relationship because of the betrayal they’ve experienced. They imagine that the people who know their past judge them to be stupid for staying with the person who’s caused them so much pain. I often counter this thinking, explaining that leaving may seem quick and easy because they can pretend they’re okay and the problem has disappeared. However, if you leave your relationship, you’ll be stuck with your pain and sorrow without the person you loved to help you sort it out. Why is this true? Because even though it feels as if your pain comes from your partner, it’s actually coming from inside you.”
“When you are secure in yourself, know what turns you on, and enjoy watching your partner watch you experience sexual pleasure, you have a highly novel relationship grounded in love. The experience of seeing and being seen fuels lust and desire. This is exactly the way you integrate healthy lust and love into your sex life. It’s relational sex, not the old pornographic sex of past addictions.”
“Sexual energy between two people is a primal force comprised of power (energy that moves toward another) and virtue (knowing the energy between the two is right).”