Alice Clayton

“Have you seen this guy yet?""Nope. My peephole is getting a workout, though.""Glad to hear at least one hole is getting some action around here.”

“Kittens, lay back. You are about to get Wallbanged.”

“No way, buddy. I'm not machuuing your pichu now. Huh-uh”

“Damn Banger Voodoo.”

“Why do all men seem to think they need to rescue a woman? Are we not capable of rescuing our damn selves? Why do I need to be rescued? I don’t need a man to rescue me, and I certainly don’t need no wallbanging, Purina-fucking, listening-at-my-wall-like-a-goddamn-psycho coming over here to rescue me! You got that, mister?”

“I panted like a whore in church. The Church of Simon... where I was dying to kneel before him.”

“Bring it on home, Wallbanger”

“You coming? ‘Cause I sure did.”

“You really have no idea, do you?”“No idea about what?” “How thoroughly you own me, Nightie Girl,” he said, leaning in to whisper this part in my ear. “And I know I love you enough to want you to have your happy ending.”

“I’m gonna try to steal home.”I smiled. “Silly Simon, it’s not stealing if I wave you in”

“Simon does commando. God bless America.”

“You give good woo.”

“I moaned like a whore in church.To be fair, I’d never actually heard a whore moan in church, but I had a feeling it sounded a lot like the unholy sounds pouring forth from my mouth.”

“Wine?”“Am I breathing?”“Wine it is.”

“Hi, pot. It’s me, kettle,” Sophia snapped back.“Hi kettle, you have about thirty seconds before this pot kicks your ass.”

“Get your ass over here right now, you motherfucking scary movie pusher.”

“Now you listen here, mister,” I said, trying for a more adult tone. “I’m not going to spend every night listening to you try to crash you girl’s head through my wall with the force of your dick alone!”

“I wouldn’t say I know him, but I’m familiar with his work.”

“Fucking Wallbanger,” I hissed, frozed on the spot. His grin slid off as well as he played place-the-face for a moment. “Fucking Pink Nightie Girl.”

“I started to roll my eyes, but that hurt. The right one was pressed so firmly against the peephole, you see.”

“The girl next door was meowing. What in the world was my neighbor packing to make that happen?”

“And then I tasted nothing but his sweet lips, pressed firmly to mine, as I kissed him like it was my job.”