Amanda Howells

“...You have to live inside each beautiful or terrible thing as it happens to you, because the present may be all you've got.”

“The rest of the girls out there are just shooting stars," Simon whispered into my ear. "They're on a crash course to nowhere. But you, my lady friend, you're a black hole. You've sucked me in, and now there's no escape”

“If you stay on the sidelines of the here and now then your future will only ever be a pale version of a dream you never had the courage to experience.”

“You can only take steps toward the future you want. It's not guaranteed to be there.”

“I've always had a good memory a good head for facts although when something is behind you it changes when you try to capture it in words. The past is slippery that way. I know all about that. And even the present is hard to pin down. You think you know everything that's happening around you. But you can't always see clearly when you're standing right there in the picture.”

“If you kept your light inside of yourself too long, it might burn out altogether.”

“Putting yourself at risk...that was the only path to anything meaningful. The biggest risk was in not taking a risk.”

“If you don't have any dreams then they won't come true.”

“Believing is never a waste of time." Simon looked at me intently his eyes flickering. "Even if you're wrong you could have been right. Take me with my painting I don't know if I'm any good. So maybe I shouldn't try because maybe I'd be setting myself up for disappointment. But it's like you looking for old coins on the beach. Whether you find any or not is for bonus points it's the search that counts. It's the belief that they might be out there.”

“After dreaming about being in love for so long I finally got what it meant to actually be in it.”

“I was being strong. Even though I felt weak.”

“In those moments it's hard to remember that an angry voice is an invisible thing incapable of drawing blood.”

“You think you know everything that's happening around you. But you can't always see clearly when your staning right there in the picture.”

“They're on a crash course to nowhere. But you, my lady friend, you're a black hole. You've sucked me in, and now there's no escape...”

“#e sound of a breaking wave echoed across the water. “I havedoubts. I get afraid, same as anyone.” Simon’s eyes glazed over. Butthen they refocused and he smiled at me. “Nothing is for certain.Except maybe one thing.”“What’s that?”“If you don’t have any dreams, then they won’t come true.”

“After that, Simon swam naked every night. By the third skinnydippingsession, I secretly peeled off my bikini top while I was inthe water. It was safe. Simon was splashing somewhere ahead ofme. He couldn’t see. It was an amazing feeling. I felt free. Or at least half of me did.And right then that seemed to "t with the person I felt I was onLong Island: half-cautious, half-spontaneous, surprising myselfwith my random behavior, my sudden moves away from who Ithought I was.“So how was it, your half skinny dip?” Simon asked as I wasdrying off.“You were watching me?” I blushed, horrified.“Just a hunch,” he replied. “Feels good though, right?”I hit him with the towel.”

“Look. Aren’t they romantic?” Simon said, pointing out two "re!iesdancing together, their glowing lights making spirals in the dark.“Not necessarily,” I replied. “there are "re!y species where thefemales trick the males into thinking they want to mate, but theyeat them instead.”“Oh, yeah, I think I know a few of them.” Simon laughed”

“You take your flashlight out on your walks, right?” Simon asked.“Depends on the moonlight.”“From now on, take it with you every night. When you’re outwalking this way, you’ll pass the gazebo, where, chances are, I willbe smoking.”“Then what?”“You can signal—say, three times if you want to take a walk withme. Twice if you want to walk alone. that way I’ll just let you walkon. It’ll be like a military code. No one gets hurt.”I laughed. “that’s silly and charming.”“I try. I can signal back with my cigarette lighter too,” Simonsaid, holding up the lighter and firing off three short bursts offlame. “So, like, if I see you first and I happen to not wish to talk toyou, I can fire off two bursts and block you in your tracks.”

“#anks for the swim. You are a majestic swimmer,” Simon saidas we neared the walkway to Wind Song.“You talk a lot of crap, you know that?”“I thank you for appreciating my verbal stylings,” Simon replied,with a formal bow.”

“See what fun it is to do what Simon Says?” Simon teased,drawing closer toward me.”

“I’m a realist,” I replied stubbornly, “not a romantic. Romanticsare always disappointed.”“Maybe they’re disappointed because they’re always surroundedby realists.” Simon countered.”

“I’ll see ya,” I said in a neutral tone. I wasn’t sure whether tobe annoyed by Simon or by myself, or by both of us. “I can walkhome,” I added as Simon trudged alongside me to the walkwayleading up to Wind Song.“I can see that. You’re very talented at it.”

“Simon nodded. “You need your beauty sleep.”“Do I?” I said coolly.“I didn’t mean,” Simon stuttered. “I meant…you’re a girl and all.”“Thanks for telling me,”

“But it was not the note that counted so much as the writing of it.Just because it wouldn’t last forever out there didn’t mean it hadn’texisted. that’s why I was there. I was there for a moment. Andbecause of a string of beautiful moments spent at that very sameplace, moments I would keep inside me wherever I went.”

“The surest way to hurt yourself is to give up on love, just because it didn’twork out the first time.”