Andrew Sturm

“There's no such thing as a sane woman.”

“Becoming an adult is all about accepting that you didn't know anything when you were a kid.”

“His heart beat so rapidly it might burst; he kept telling himself everything was fine so long as he remained a giraffe.”

“I'm not saying you're weak, but you brawl like a couple of girls having a pillow fight.”

“Love's a funny thing, especially with a man who gets paid to put junk in other people's slots. (The Mail Man)”

“A great man will experience more failures than successes. If we lived for the successes, we would have all killed ourselves by now.”

“Learn to be embarrassed by little and sorry about even less.”

“If you don't laugh at the crazy things, you're liable to lose your mind.”

“All of life is like raindrops on the window; some stick around for a little while and some just fall right out of the picture.”

“I've gotta die of something, but I don't wanna die of it today.”

“Love happens in the strangest places at the strangest times.”

“Can I get a two-thumbs up for a fatter America?”

“Everyone hated Calculus. Quadratic equations, parabolas, logarithms, trigonometry - you name it. It was like floating in an endless, frictionless void traveling at x miles per hour at a descension rate of one half the speed of gravity. Solve for x.”

“No matter how you twist and turn, your ass is always in the back.”

“I had a quack in the floor. So, I had to use ductile.”

“People cheer on tyrants for fear of becoming targets.”