Barbara Elsborg

“Oh God, can I keep you? You don’t need batteries, do you?”

“...do me the very great honor of becoming...the person who'll cook me lovely things to eat, who'll cheer me up when I'm miserable, who'll tell me no and mean it...”

“Better not to have anything. Not even love. If you got attached to something, it only got taken away. Child or adult. Toys or people. No difference”

“I love you because I can be honest with you. I trust you. I love you because you've made me see I'm more than I thought.”

“The power that was your father's." He looked at her bewildered face. "To get it, I need to take you away.""Where to?""A vacation to somewhere warm and cozy.""Florida?""Nearly. Hell."Piper glared.He shrugged. "I don't know why people are so down on hell. It never rains; it's always hot; you can get a nice tan; there's plenty to do.....”

“Kate, I need to use the toilet,” he called through the door.“You’ve just had hours in the sea. Couldn’t you have gone then?”“Mum told me to get out of the water first.”“What, even the ocean?”“It’s wrong to pollute.” He tried to sound serious. ”

“You know why doctors slap babies on the bottom when they're born? So the dicks fall off the smart ones."He laughed. "You know why women don't have dicks? So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.”

“He sat on a kitchen chair and lifted her onto his lap so her legs straddled his, and then he slipped his hands under her skirt and cupped her backside to drag her closer. Oh f**k. Good news and bad news.The good news was no underwear.The bad news was no underwear.”

“You have some lovely books," she said. "I like the one with the pictures of polar bears.""The books with words too tricky?"She released a strangled laugh."Would you care to explain the system?" Turner stared at the shelves.Matty moved in front of him and pointed. "They're sorted by color.""Ah." Dear God."And by size.""Mmm." Turner felt his mouth start to twitch. "It didn't occur to you to shelve them alphabetically by author name or even title?""Well, yes, but no.""The thing is, you have so many. I organized one boxful only to find the next box wrecked what I'd done so I thought they'd look nicer if all the same color spines sat together. I tried to follow the colors of the spectrum. Look, the books go up and down in waves."He'd noticed. It made him feel seasick.”

“Turner didn't have to put up with this. He had enough trouble with George's sarcasm. He held his hand. "Keys please."Her face fell. "Sorry. I sometimes speak without thinking. Well, not sometimes. Often. Never an unspoken thought, my dad used to say. And my mum. And my employers.”

“Hey, you’re not supposed to find our magnificent organs amusing.”

“Books to read. Bitches to push out of the door.”

“That should give him time for another wank. It was a good job masturbating didn’t make you go blind.”

“The higher up I hold it, the less painful the hot wax.”…“Try hanging off the ceiling and dropping it from there.”

“Look at me, Kate."She raised her eyes to his."What do you see?"She thought for a moment. "You've got a spot."Charlie gave a snort of laughter. "You're not supposed to tell the fifth-sexiest man in UK, he's got a spot.""Who voted? Senior citizens?”

“Taylor and Niall are watching their personal assistant prospects waiting to be interviewed."Leave them sitting there until one of them shows some initiative." Niall said.Ten minutes ticked slowly by."I give in," Niall said. "They're all idiots."Taylor laughed. "I'm intrigued now. How long are they going to sit there?""I suspect until they drop dead."Five more minutes before Taylor heard Niall exhale in frustration, and then the door of the living room flew open and a chicken burst in."What the f**k?" Taylor gasped."Hi, everyone," the chicken said in a perky voice. "Thank goodness, I'm not too late. I had difficulty getting across the road." She laughed and then sighed when no one else joined in. They sat staring at her in mute shock.”

“Stop changing the subject," Taylor snapped. "And think before you speak."Roo pressed her lips together and then sighed. "How long do you want me to think?"Niall let out a snort of laughter.”

“Why didn't you call?" Taylor asked."I did. No one answered." Roo bent to refill her handbag.Ah. "So how were going to get in the house?""I thought I'd just wait for you to come back." She started to tap her foot."Why didn't you go home and call a locksmith?" Taylor asked.Roo glared. "What is this? The Spanish Inquisition?" Then she grinned. "Oh, I've waited years to say that."Taylor bit back his laugh.”