Barney Stinson

“Article 24: "When wearing a baseball cap, a Bro may position the brim at either 12 or 6 o’clock. All other angles are reserved for rappers and the handicapped.”

“Article 2: "A Bro is always entitled to do something stupid, as long as the rest of his Bros are all doing it.”

“Article 100: "When pulling up to a stoplight, a Bro lowers his window so that all might enjoy his music selection."Corollary: "If there happens to be a hot chick driving the car next to the Bro, the Bro shall put his sunglasses down to get a better look. If he's not wearing his sunglasses, he will first put them on, then pull down to get a better look.”

“Believe it or not, I was not always as awesome as I am today”

“Ted, I believe you and I met for a reason. It's like the universe was saying, "Hey Barney, there's this dude, he's pretty cool, but it is your job to make him awesome”

“It's going to be legen...wait for it...and I hope you're not lactose-intolerant cause the second half of that word is...dairy!”

“Dude.. where's your suit? Just once, when I say "suit up" I wish you'd put on a suit.”

“Destiny strips at the Melon Patch. They're people Ted, try to keep 'em straight.”

“Suit up!”

“When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead.”

“Jesus waited three days to come back to life. It was perfect! If he had only waited one day, a lot of people wouldn't have even heard he died. They'd be all, "Hey Jesus, what up?" and Jesus would probably be like, "What up? I died yesterday!" and they'd be all, "Uh, you look pretty alive to me, dude..." and then Jesus would have to explain how he was resurrected, and how it was a miracle, and the dude'd be like "Uhh okay, whatever you say, bro..." And he's not gonna come back on a Saturday. Everybody's busy, doing chores, workin' the loom, trimmin' the beard, NO. He waited the perfect number of days, three. Plus it's Sunday, so everyone's in church already, and they're all in there like "Oh no, Jesus is dead", and then BAM! He bursts in the back door, runnin' up the aisle, everyone's totally psyched, and FYI, that's when he invented the high five. That's why we wait three days to call a woman, because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait.... True story.”

“You know what Marshall needs to do. He needs to stop being sad. When I get sad, I stop being sad, and be awesome instead. True story.”

“A lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth.”