Bill Connolly

“What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to see what came out. What do they expect to find? A silver sixpence? ”

“When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here? ”

“When you're involved in an accident and someone asks "are you alright?" Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off. ”