Bill Cosby

“The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods.”

“Zip zop wop boopity bop.”

“There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.”

“I’m supposed to figure out if the glass is half full or half empty,” I told her.Without a moment’s hesitation, in a split second, my grandmother shrugged and said: “It depends on if you’re drinking or pouring.”

“Is the glass half full, or half empty? It depends on whether you're pouring, or drinking.”

“Decide that you want it more than you're afraid of it”

“If you want to be seen, stand up.If you want to be heard, speak up.If you want to be appreciated, shut up.”

“In spite of the six thousand manuals on child raising in the bookstores, child raising is still a dark continent and no one really knows anything. You just need a lot of love and luck - and, of course, courage.”

“People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what's bitter and move on.”

“Old is always fifteen years from now.”

“i was'nt always black. there was this freckel that just grew and grew...”

“I brought you in this world, and I can take you out!”

“YOU are a genius!... and I am a genius because I married you.”

“As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what was meant by "survival of the fittest.”

“gray hair is gods graffiti”

“All Children Have Brain Damage!”

“When you become senile, you won't know it.”

“In spite of the seven thousand books of expert advice, the right way to disciplne a child is still a mystery to most fathers and...mothers Only your grandmother and Genghis Khan know how to do it.”

“Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.”

“...it was the arts, those noble expressions of the human spirit that are communicated through literature, dance, song, film, drama, painting and sculpture, among the many other such creative means, that helped articulate the sufferings of [these] people that were heard around the globe.”

“It isn't a matter of black is beautiful as much as it is white is not all that's beautiful. ”

“Man can not live by bread alone ... he must have peanut butter.”

“That's why ears have cartilage, to keep them from flapping.”

“Suddenly, this romantic agony was enriched by a less romantic one: I had to go to the bathroom. Needless to say, I couldn't let her know about this urge, for great lovers never did such things. The answer to "Romeo Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?" was not "In the men's room, Julie.”

“The worst thing to do is to die while reading LIFE magazine.”

“In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure. ”

“A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice.”

“Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.”

“Nobody ever says, "Can I have your beets?”

“And of course, when you see your brother in the toilet bowl...there's a little voice that say, 'I wonder where he would go...'...if it hadn't been for his head...”

“A sail boat that sails backwards can never see the sun rise.”

“The past is a ghost, the future a dream and all we ever have is now.”

“Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.”

“The very first law in advertising is to avoid the concrete promise and cultivate the delightfully vague.”

“Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home.”

“Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.”

“The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that we reluctantly shared with traffic.”

“I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.”

“A grandchild is God's reward for raising a child.”

“ Nothing separates the generations more than music. By the time a child is eight or nine, he has developed a passion for his own music that is even stronger than his passions for procrastination and weird clothes.”

“You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.”

“Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice.”

“Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet.”

“No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.”

“I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing.”

“Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.”

“And so the dentist says 'Rinse.' So you lean over, and you're lookin' at this miniature toilet bowl.”