Bill Watterson

“Susie: Hi Calvin! Aren't you excited about going to school? Look at all these great school supplies I got! I love having new notebooks and stuff!Calvin:All I've got to say is they're not making me learn any foreign languages. If English is good enough for me, then by golly, it's good enough for the rest of the world! Everyone should just speak English or shut up, that's what I say!Susie: You should maybe check the chemical content of your breakfast cereal.”

“Problems often look overwhelming at first. The secret is to break problems into small, manageable chunks. If you deal with those, you're done before you know it.”

“Like delicate lace,So the threads intertwine,Oh, gossamer webOf wond'rous design!Such beauty and graceWild nature produces...Ughh, look at the spiderSuck out that bug's juices!”

“This tiger is sprawledSo still and so flat,A question arisesWhen glancing thereat.Is he asleep? to bePerfectly frank,He looks more as ifHe was creamed by a tank!”

“BE CAREFUL, OR BE ROADKILL!”

“Don't look into car headlights and freeze, because you'll either get run over or shot!”

“S...For Stupendous!T...For Tiger, ferocity of!U...For Underwear, Red!P...For Power, Incredible!E...For excellent physique!N...For...Um...Something..Hm, well, I'll come back to that...D...For Determination!U...For...Wait, How do you spell this? Is it "I"??”

“If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again.”

“You know, maybe we don't need enemies.""Yeah, best friends aree about all I can take.”

“Quick! To the Bat-Fax!”

“CALVIN: Hey, I got some mail! It's a Valentine card. HOBBES: From Susie Derkins!CALVIN: It says "Please be my Valentine." HOBBES: You're Susie's Valentine!CALVIN: I'm not her Valentine just because I got this in the mail, am I? Does the Post Master General know about this?HOBBES: Calvin and Susie, sitting in a tree-ee! Kay-eye-ess-ess-eye-en-gee!CALVIN: I don't have the KISS her, do I?! Is that what Valentines do??! Oh, gross!HOBBES: First comes lo-ove, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage!CALVIN: This can't be happening! I need a lawyer! She can't make me be her Valentine! HOBBES: Here she comes! Here comes Susie!SUSIE: Hi, Calvin.CALVIN: Get away from me! I'm not your Valentine! Take your card back! Eww! Girls! YECCHH!SUSIE: That card wasn't for YOU, you Moron. Didn't you read the back of the envelope? CALVIN: "Calvin, please give this to Hobbes." HOBBES?!HOBBES: Me? Really? Hot dog! Smooch City, here I come!”

“Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend”

“Once it's too late, you appreciate what a miracle life is.”

“Calvin and Hobbes:Calvin: Everybody seeks happiness! Not me, though! That’s the difference between me and the rest of the world. Happiness isn’t good enough for me! I demand euphoria!”

“Hobbes: What are you doing?Calvin: Being "cool."Hobbes: You look more like you're being bored.Calvin: The world bores you when you're cool.Hobbes: Look, I brought a sombrero! Now we can both be "cool."Calvin: A sombrero?! Are you crazy?! Cool people don't wear sombreros! Hobbes: What fun is it being cool if you can't wear a sombrero?”

“Even when you look for it, you're never prepared for it.”

“People always make the mistake of thinking art is created for them. But really, art is a private language for sophisticates to congratulate themselves on their superiority to the rest of the world. As my artist’s statement explains, my work is utterly incomprehensible and is therefore full of deep significance.”

“Life is full of surprises, but never when you need one.”

“Van Gogh would’ve sold more than one painting if he’d put tigers in them.”

“As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You’ve taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations.”

“A day can really slip by when you're deliberately avoiding what you're supposed to do.”

“Of course, REAL zombies never get the giggles when they look at each other...”

“I'm a man of few words.""If you read more, you might have a larger vocabulary.”

“They say the world is a stage. But obviously the play is unrehearsed and everybody is ad-libbing his lines.""Maybe that’s why it’s hard to tell if we’re living in a tragedy or a farce.""We need more special effects and dance numbers.”

“There are few things less comforting than a tiger who's been up too late.”

“Barney's Dad was really bad so Barney hatched a planwhen his dad said "Eat your peas."Barney shouted no and ranBarney tricked his mean old dad and locked him in the cellarBarney's Mom never found out where he'd gone,Cause Barney didn't tell her.There his dad spent his life eating mice and gruelWith every bite for fifty yearshe was sorry he'd been cruel”

“Calvin: Somewhere in Communist Russia I'll bet there's a little boy who has never known anything but censorship and oppression. But maybe he's heard of America, and he dreams of living in this land of freedom and opportunity! Someday, I'd like to meet that little boy...and tell him the awful TRUTH ABOUT THIS PLACE!!Calvin's Dad: Calvin, be quiet and eat the stupid lima beans.”

“It's surprising how hard we'll work when the work is done just for ourselves.”

“Shutting off the thought process is not rejuvenating; the mind is like a car battery -- it recharges by running.”

“I know the world isn't fair, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?”

“I hope some historian will confirm that I was the first cartoonist to use the word 'booger' in a newspaper comic strip.”

“Virtual reality has nothing on Calvin.”

“The way Calvin's brain is wired you can almost hear the fuses blowing.”

“You can present the material, but you can't make me care.”

“I say if a novelty Christmas song is funny one time, then it is funny every time. - Calvin”

“Blustery cold days should be spend propped up in bed with a mug of hot chocolate and a pile of comic books.”

“Calvin the zombie searches for food. Horribly, the undead feed upon the living! ...Although, in a pinch, a PBJ will do, if you eat it messily enough.”

“It's psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I'll get a saw.”

“Instead of asking what's wrong with rampant consumerism, we ought to be asking, 'What justifies it?' Popular art does not have to pander to the lowest level of intelligence and taste.”

“From now on I’ll connect the dots my own way.”

“The more you think about things, the weirder they seem. Take this milk. Why do we drink COW milk?? Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said, 'I think I'll drink whatever comes out of these things when I squeeze 'em!'?”

“We're not really taught how to recreate constructively. We need to do more than find diversions; we need to restore and expand ourselves. Our idea of relaxing is all too often to plop down in front of the television set and let its pandering idiocy liquefy our brains. Shutting off the thought process is not rejuvenating; the mind is like a car battery -- it recharges by running. You may be surprised to find how quickly daily routine and the demands of "just getting by" absorb your waking hours. You may be surprised to find how quickly you start to see your politics and religion become matters of habit rather than thought and inquiry. You may be surprised to find how quickly you start to see your life in terms of other people's expectations rather than issues. You may be surprised to find out how quickly reading a good book sounds like a luxury.”

“I don't think I'd have been in such a hurry to reach adulthood if I'd known the whole thing was going to be ad-libbed.”

“Never argue with a six-year-old who shaves.”

“I suppose if we couldn't laugh at things that don't make sense, we couldn't react to a lot of life.”

“MOMMMM, I'm thirsty... What's this, just water?”

“Calvin: Trick or Treat!Adult: Where's your costume? What are you supposed to be?Calvin: I'm yet another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated planet, raised to an alarming extent by Madison Avenue and Hollywood, poised with my cynical and alienated peers to take over the world when you're old and weak!...Boy, am I scary or what?”

“Dad: Honey, have you seen my glasses? I can"t find them.Mom: I haven't seen them.Calvin: (with glasses, to Dad) Calvin, go do something you hate! Being miserable builds character!”

“Calvin: I'm a genius. I can't believe how smart I am....I've got more brains than I know what to do with.Hobbes: So I've noticed.”

“Calvin: ME TARZAN! KING OF JUNGLE!Suzy: Nice underpants. Does your mom know you're over here like this?Calvin:...I don't think Jane EVER said that to Tarzan.”