Bill Watterson

“Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I'd say our afternoon just got booked solid!”

“I must follow the inscrutable exhortations of my soul.”

“When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.”

“I liked things better when I didn't understand them.”

“Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.”

“We all have different desires and needs, but if we don't discover what we want from ourselves and what we stand for, we will live passively and unfulfilled. ”

“That's the whole problem with science. You've got a bunch of empiricists trying to describe things of unimaginable wonder.”

“Often it takes some calamity to make us live in the present. Then suddenly we wake up and see all the mistakes we have made. ”

“Mothers are the necessity of invention.”

“If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I'll bet they'd live a lot differently. ”

“I thought my life would seem more interesting with a musical score and a laugh track. ”

“Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.”

“Calvin: Life's a lot more fun when you aren't responsible for your actions.”

“Calvin : There's no problem so awful, that you can't add some guilt to it and make it even worse.”

“You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go.”

“I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations.”

“A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.”

“Careful. We don't want to learn from this.”

“I like my smock. You can tell the quality of the artist by the quality of his smock. Actually, I just like to say smock. Smock smock smock smock smock smock.”

“Dad, how do soldiers killing each other solve the world's problems?”

“For no reason I can think of, I've wandered far astray. And that is how I got to where I find myself today.”

“I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.”

“Life is like topography, Hobbes. There are summits of happiness and success, flat stretches of boring routine and valleys of frustration and failure.”

“I've got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts.”

“In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.”

“To invent your own life's meaning is not easy, but it's still allowed, and I think you'll be happier for the trouble.”

“Specifically, I’d like to debate whether cannibalism ought to be grounds for leniency in murders, since it’s less wasteful.”

“Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said 'I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these when I squeeze ’em?”

“What fun is it being cool if you can't wear a sombrero?”

“Years from now, when I'm successful and happy, ...and he's in prison... I hope I'm not too mature to gloat.”

“Even if lives did hang in the balance, it would depend on whose they were.”

“That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse.”

“If you can't win by reason, go for volume.”

“How come we play war and not peace?""Too few role models.”

“The center snaps the ball to the quarterback!""No he doesn't!""He doesn't?""NO! Secretly, he's the quarterback for the other team! He keeps the ball!""A traitor!""Calvin breaks for the goal.""Wheeee! He's at the 30... the 20... the 10! Nobody can catch him!""Nobody wants to! Your running toward your own goal!""Huh?!""When I learned that you were a spy, I switched goals. This is your goal and mine's hidden!""Hidden?!""You'll never find it in a million years!""I don't need to find it as a traitor to your team, crossing my goal counts as crossing your goal!""Ah, so you might think so...""In fact, I know so!""But the place I hid my goal is right on top of your goal, so the points will go to me!""But the fact is, I'm really a double agent! I'm on your team after all, which means you'll lose points if I cross your goal! Ha ha!""But I'm a traitor too, so I'm really on your team! I want you to cross my goal! The points will go to your team, which is really my team!""That would be true... if I were a football player!""You mean...?""I'm actually a badminton player disguised as a double-agent football player!!""And I'm actually a volleyball-croquet-polo player!""Sooner or later, all our games turn into CalvinBall.""No cheating!”

“Hee hee hee! You should've seen the look on your face!""If mom and dad cared about me at all, they'd buy me some infra-red nighttime vision goggles.”

“Sleepwalking?""Nightmare?""Homicidal psycho jungle cat!”

“The problem about the future is that it keeps turning into the present.”

“God put me on earth to accomplish certain things. Right now, I’m so far behind, I’ll never die.”

“I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can play together all night.”

“You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D's in school. Well guess what, I get F's!!!”

“Leave it to a girl to take all the fun out of sex discrimination.-Calvin”

“I like maxims that don't encourage behavior modification.-Calvin”

“If you can't control your peanut butter, you can't expect to control your life.”

“You know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change, but pretty soon...everything's different.”

“You never know when some crazed rodent with cold feet could be running loose in your pants.”

“Well, remember what you said, because in a day or two, I'll have a witty and blistering retort! You'll be devastated THEN”

“I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient's friends.”

“You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocket ship underpants don't help.”

“The world isn't fair, Calvin.""I know Dad, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?”