Brodi Ashton

“I think I'll say goodnight here," Jack said."My dad's not so bad.""Oh yeah,he was great...right up until the time I started dating his daughter."I'd seen how my dad had become considerably colder toward Jack. There were little clues,like the other evening when out of nowhere he told Jack about how every football player he went to high school with had gotten fat after graduation.We'd been talking about what to make for dinner."Okay," I said. "Maybe next time." I leaned over to peck him on the cheek, but he grabbed my face in both of his hands and kissed me. His breath tasted like the mints the chaperones had passed out when the dance was over, and when he parted his lips against mine, I shivered, but not because of the cold. I pressed against him even more and hoped the dark inside the car obscured my dad's view.But I knew better than to push it.As I was about to break away,Jack put his hands behind my waist and pulled me even closer,practically lifting me over the center console,so I was sitting in his lap.I pulled back. "My dad's going to love that-"He put his finger over my lips, cutting me off. "Please don't talk about your dad when I'm kissing you. Besides, unless he's enacted a law against it-""Which he may well do after tonight," I interrupted.He smiled and then brought my face to his again for a few moments before finally releasing me."After that kiss,we'd better dream of the same thing tonight," he said with a smirk.My face got even warmer,but I tried to speak in a calm voice. "I'll probably dream my usual dream,where I show up to school without any clothes on.""Me too." Jack chuckled.I gave his shoulder a playful shove.”

“Jack?""Mmmm?"The band was playing a softer song, mellow and slow."Why did you ask me out when you did?" I tried to sound casual."What do you mean?""I mean,did something specific happen to make you ask me out?""Yes," he said."What was it?" Had I thrown myself at Jack Caputo? Had I done something to get in Lacey's way?"You remember the first game of the season?""Yeah," I said. It was Jack's first game as starting quarterback, the youngest starter in school history. I remembered sitting in the second row, directly behind the team bench."After I threw for the first touchdown of the game?""Yes." I still couldn't figure out where he was going with this.Had I flashed him or something,and blocked it out of my memory? I was pretty sure I wasn't holding up any large signs declaring my love or anything."Our defense took the field, and I was on the bench.When I turned around to look at the fans..." He paused.Oh,no. "What did I do?"He smiled. "You looked at me.Not the game." He sighed,as if reliving the memory.I felt my face scrunch up in confusion. "That's it?""That's it." He shrugged. "It was the first time I thought there might be a chance. I asked Jules about it."I bit my lip. "Apparently she doesn't understand that trusty sidekicks aren't supposed to spill secrets."In a flash,I was suspended in air, the back of my head inches from the ground, Jack's face a breath away from mine, his lips in a wicked grin.I gasped,more from surprise at the sudden dip than from fear."There are no secrets between us,Becks." His smile remained,but his eyes were intense.”

“Jack took me to the Christmas Dance.It snowed the day of the dance, making the Meier Farmhouse and Dance Hall look like something out of a painting, the lights on the roof glowing under sheets of white. And when Jack led me onto the dance floor and grasped one of my hands and tugged it up behind his neck, then placed his arm around my back, soft and low, I thought life couldn't get better.He pulled me close against him, our hands clasped next to his chest.The cedar from the farmhouse mingled with Jack's aftershave,making a sweet, rustic scent."Becks,remember the first time we met?" he asked,his lips grazing my ear.Of course I remembered. The events of that day were permanently etched into my brain. "You mean,the time you nearly beheaded me with a baseball?""I had to do something to get the new girl's attention.""A simple 'hello' would have worked."He pulled me in tighter, as if that were possible. "Why did we wait so long to do this?""Um, because you were making your way through the entire cheerleading squad?"He looked at me for a few moments, then shook his head and leaned in to brush his lips along my shoulder.I closed my eyes. If this was what I could expect for the rest of my high school years,I never wanted to graduate.Ever.”

“So,Jules gets a smile,huh?"I could feel his eyes on me,waiting for a response. He hadn't tried to talk to me since that first day,and his voice directed at me again did strange things to me.Made my stomach flutter. Of course, Jack had always had that power over me.I kept my eyes down,but I couldn't stop my lips from turning upward."I see that," he said.Jack always saw everything.”

“Jack didn't try to speak to me the following day. Or the day after.Or the day after that.But he was in Mrs. Stone's classroom, in the seat next to mine, every day for an hour after school, the only sounds coming from our pencils scratching against our papers. And the days passed like this quickly. Too quickly.I stole glances at him.Sometimes he tucked his hair behind one ear, but mostly it hung loose around his face. Sometimes he had stubble,as if he were shaving every other day.Sometimes I was sure he could feel me staring.His lip would twitch,and I'd know he was about to turn toward me,so I would hurry and look at my paper.And sometimes I would read the same sentence in the textbook over and over, and at the end of the hour, the only thing I'd learned was that Jack liked to tap his eraser on his desk when he was stumped, and when he would stretch forward,his shirt lifted,exposing a tiny bit of skin on his back.”

“Now you've done it." His tone was quietly playful.I couldn't help it.I looked up at him questioningly."You've added a third word to your repitoire. Hi,thanks,and now yes." His lips turned up at the corners,and the heat rushed to my face. He noticed. "At least that much hasn't changed."I turned back to my notebook,my hands trembling.He leaned toward me. "Now that we have our first conversation out of the way, do you want to tell me where you've been?" From the way he spoke I knew his smile was gone.I could feel little beads of sweat form on my forehead."You left me.Without a word," he said. He sounded tentative, as if he were trying to keep his voice even. I took in a deep breath,but I couldn't figure out what he was feeling. There wasn't one singular emotion that was stronger than the others. "Don't you have anything to say to me?"He waited. My heart felt like it would burst through my chest into a million little pieces,and I could see this wasn't going to work.I started to close my book."Don't-" he blurted, and I froze. "Don't go.You don't have to talk to me.I'm the one who should go." His voice sounded achingly sad. I could hear him packing his bag.Say something.Say something. "Um..."Jack paused, as if further movement might stop my words.He was the reason I came back.I couldn't scare him off. As hard as it would be to talk to him,it would be much harder to watch him walk out that door. "No," I said. I took a shaky breath. "You don't...have to leave. Please."He took his book back out and put it on his desk. I followed,setting my own books out."Thank you," Jack whispered.We didn't talk for the rest of the hour.”

“We'd pluck the spiky chestnuts, leaving their green outer shells intact, and throw them at the neighbor boys.I always took particular care in aiming for Jack's head. He told me later that he rode his bike by my house on purpose. I asked him if he liked pain.”

“Why are you here?" My voice sounded breathless.As if it should've been obvious, Cole said, "I came here to offer you eternal life.Again."I pushed him away from him. "I already made my choice.""Yes,but it's obviously the wrong choice. Return with me. To the Everneath. And we'll live in the High Court. And you won't be a battery in the Tunnels. You could be a queen.""The Everneath has a High Court?""Of course.It's where Osiris and Isis ruled.Hades and Persephone.Every realm in every dimension has people who give orders and people who take orders. And I'm tired of taking orders,Nick."I grimaced. "That has nothing to do with me."He paused and let out a little sigh. "Then I'm saying it wrong,beause it has everything to do with you. I want what Hades and Persephone had, and I can't do it without you.The only time the queen of the Everneath has been overthrown is when an Everliving has found his perfect match. I've spent my whole life-and it's a long one,trust me-looking for my perfect match,and it's you. I knew you were different from the first moment I met you.The first moment you placed your hands on mine.You remember?"I nodded. It had been the night we first met."Your cheeks turned red,and I was gone for you." He shook his head,and his lips quirked up in a smile. "I know you felt it too.The connection between us. It started even before the Feed."I looked away,because my cheeks were getting warm thinking about it, and I couldn't let him see it.Remembering that night was pointless. I was a different person now. "It doesn't matter what I felt then.I didn't know who you really were."I glanced up.He raised his eyebrows and said, "It wouldn't have made a difference."He held my gaze with eyes so intense I couldn't look away. He was probably right. From the moment we met, I had been drawn to him.At the time, nothing would've changed my decision to go with him.”

“You going to the game tonight?"I was about to answer,but another voice rang out from just behind me."She'd better," Jack said as he wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me back against him. I could smell the fresh leather on his letterman jacket as I crunched against it."Why is that?" I asked,smiling and instantly warm in his arms.I still couldn't get over the fact that Jack Caputo and I were...together. It was hard to think the word. We had been friends for so long.To be honest, he had been friends with me and I had been secretly pining for him since...well, since forever.But now he was here. It was my waist he held. It didn't seem real."I can't carry the team to victory without you," he said. "You're my rabbit's foot."I craned my neck around to look at him. "I've always dreamed of some guy saying that to me."He pressed his lips to the base of my neck, and heat rushed to my cheeks. "I love making you turn red," he whispered."It doesn't take much. We're in the middle of the hallway.""You want to know what else I love?" His tone was playful."No," I said, but he wasn't listening. He took his fingers and lightly railed them up my spine,to the back of my neck.Instant goose bumps sprang up all over my body,and I shuddered."That."I could feel his smile against my ear. Jack was always smiling.It was what made him so likable.By this time,Jules had snaked her way through the throng of students. "Hello, Jack.I was in the middle of a conversation with Becks.Do you mind?" she said with a smirk.Right then a bunch of Jack's teammates rounded the corner at the end of the hallway,stampeding toward us."Uh-oh," I said.Jack pushed me safely aside just before they tackled him, and Jules and I watched as what seemed like the entire football team heaped on top of their starting quarterback."Dating Jack Caputo just might kill you one day." Jules laughed. "You sure it's worth it?"I didn't answer,but I was sure. In the weeks following my mother's death, I had spent nearly every morning sitting at her grave.Whispering to her, telling her about my day, like I used to each morning before she died. Jack came with me to the cemetary most days. He'd bring a book and read under a tree several headstones away,waiting quietly, as if what I was doing was totally normal.We hadn't even been together then.It had been only five months since my mom died. Five months since a drunk driver hit her during her evening jog. Five months since the one person who knew all my dreams disappeared forever. Jack was the reason I was still standing.Yeah,I was sure he was worth it.The only thing I wasn't sure about was why he was with me.”

“Cole. Know this now. I will never forget what you've done for me. Never. Do you hear me?He nodded, but I could see he was crumbling, as if finding Jack would put an end to everything he wanted. Because it would. I placed my hands on either side of his face and brought his lips to mine in a light kiss.”

“I'm taking the whole. Damn. Thing. Down. Are you with me?”

“Tell me, friend," Jack said, his fingertips grazing mind as people shuffled past us in the hallway. "Is there more for us?"I looked at my feet. "There's everything for us.”

“However he'd found his way here, it didn't matter. I knew then that the boy under the tree had to be mine. That floppy hair should be mine to touch. That big, knuckly boy hand should be mine to hold. That gruff voice should be mine to hear, and those ears should be mine to tell all my secrets to. Except for the biggest secret. That I loved him. More than the crush I was dealing with for years. More than I should've loved a best friend. More than he would ever love me back. I was gone for him.”

“You really can't see it, can you?""See what?""He has a tether too. And it points right at you.”

“Despite all the other factors that had contributed to my fate, in the end it was my decision that destroyed my life. And all the hurt I was enduring now was my doing. The blame rested solely with me.”

“There is no evil. There is no good. There is only life, and the absence of life.”

“You know the Everneath?""Uh, yeah, I think I'm familiar with it.""Good. Because I'm going to destroy it. I'm taking the whole. Damn. Thing. Down. Are you with me?"Always. Forever.”

“I didn't care that we'd caught a few stares from students passing by. I didn't care that the bell to begin class rang. I didn't care that everything between us had changed. All I cared about was the fact that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get any closer to Jack.”

“I waited for you.""But it's a race. Why did you wait for me?""I always wait for you. I'm always waiting for you.”

“I know he is wrapping my name inside of him, folding it in the blanket of his heart. I know this because I used to do the same thing with his name when I was in the Feed.”

“If I lost you... why can’t you see that would be the end of me?”

“Great. There was no scenario in this whole damn thing where Jack didn't come off looking as awesome as the love child of Thor and Optimus Prime.”

“In the moment I faced dying, I finally knew my reason for living.”

“What was the point of finding something worth living for if my life was no longer in my own hands?”

“How are you still sane?""Who says I am? I only stopped asking myself the escape question when the walls started to answer me."Shit.”

“I tell him there'll be an army waiting for him, and your friend is only concerned with the color of their uniforms. What's this really about?"Max shrugged. "A girl."I glared at Max. "Dude. Shut up.”

“If the eye really was a muscle, I had pulled it long ago.”

“In the absence of proof, all that matters is perception.”

“Recordar es fácil. Es olvidar lo que es difícil.”

“Los héroes están hechos por los caminos que elijen, no por los poderes con los cuales fueron agraciados.”

“There's no such thing as 'epic love'. But there is such a thing as 'epically bad decisions based on something believed to be love, but is most likely lust.”

“I love you, Becks. I’venever felt like this.”I nodded against him, still unsure if I could believe him. Ithought about Lacey and the way she was standing next tohim. “You’ve never been in love?”He let out a quiet breath, and I felt him shake his head.“Easy to say. Harder to feel.”

“Tell me, friend. Is there more for us?"I looked into his eyes, "There is everything for us.”

“Look, Nik, I know you don't like public scrutiny lately. If you stand off to the side, all mopey and such, without a date, you'll stick out like a nun at a strip club." He leaned in. "Trust me, I've seen one. A nun at a strip club, that is. Everyone was staring at her.”

“Nik. All you need to do is wear this tonight, and we'll sell out."I glanced down at the shirt and then back up at Cole."Yeah, I'm sure this is the look you were going for.""You can make anything look good," he said softly.”

“How are you so good at reading me when you can't read anyone else around you?" He sighed, and as he climbed out the window, he said, "I love it.”

“If you stand off to the side, all mopey and such, without a date, you’ll stick out like a nun at a strip club.”

“In the dark, dank world of the Tunnels, I would call upon this memory. And there would be a flicker of candlelight. If only for a moment. I closed my eyes, as if my eyelids were the levers of a printing press, etching the fibers into my mind. Memories were outside Cole’s reach. As long as I held them, memories were mine and mine alone.”

“We’d both been stripped of all the evasiveness, all the lies, everything we’d ever kept from each other. Layer by layer, we had given up our defenses and our excuses and our demands for whys and hows, and what was left were two broken beings. Clinging to one last shred of hope. Tethered to each other.”

“He was at once severe and beautiful, and the more the played, the more I felt surrounded by that cushion as well, as if I could fall and never hit the ground, as long as he was playing.”

“Because... it'll make everything worse.... If you don't feel-”

“You say you hate me, yet, you use me to stop hurting.”

“I dreamed of you every night. It felt so real. And when I'd wake up the next morning, it was like your disappearance was fresh. Like you'd left me all over again.”

“Friends don't eat friends' souls.”

“Tell me why you care," I said.He put his hands on the windowsill. "Because it's you. Despite what you think of me, your pain will always be my pain.”

“Stay with me, Becks. Dream of me. I am ever yours.”

“Du glaubst doch nicht im Ernst, dass es eine gute Möglichkeit gibt, sich für immer zu verabschieden, oder?”

“Too much math and science isn't nourishing to the soul.”

“Say something Becks. Say anything""You," I said. "I remember you." I kept my eyes shut, and felt his hands drop. He didn't move back."What do you remember about me?" There was strong emotion behind his voice. Something he fought to control.With my eyes closed, I could easily picture the other side of the century."I remember the way your hand could cover my entire shoulder. The way your lower lip stuck out when you were working out a problem in your head. And how you flick your ring finger with your thumb when you get impatient."I opened my eyes, and the words no longer got stuck in my throat on their way out. They flowed. "And when something surprises you and you don't know what to say, you get a tiny wrinkle in between your eyebrows." I reached up to touch the divot, then hesitated and lowered my hand. "It showed on the day the coach told you you'd made first-string quarterback. And it's showing now." For a moment the space between us held no tension, no questions, no accusations.Finally he leaned back, a stunned expression on his face. "Where do we go from here?""Nowhere, really," I whispered. "It doesn't change anything."Eyebrows still drawn together, he said, "We'll see." Then he turned and left. I tucked this moment away.In the dark, dank world of the Tunnels, I would call upon this memory. And there would be a flicker of candlelight. If only for a moment.”

“He leaned forward and said, "Tell me, friend. Is there more for us?"I looked down at my feet. "There's everything for us.”