Bryan Lee O'Malley

“She’s their secret weapon! They call her Trasha, and she’s eight years old. I hear they discovered her at the Pacific Mall arcade, playing Drum-Mania. She has so much A.D.D., it’s not even funny.”

“We have a mutual friend, see, and she- Ah, screw it. This is Gideon. When would it be convenient for you to die?”

“We are Sex Bob-Omb and we are here to make you think about death and get sad and stuff!”

“Every time you look up at the stars, it’s like opening a door. You could be anyone, anywhere. You could be yourself at any moment in your life. You open that door and you realize you’re the same person under the same stars. Camping out in the backyard with your best friend, eleven years old. Sixteen, driving alone, stopping at the edge of the city, looking up at the same stars. Walking a wooded path, kissing in the moonlight, look up and you’re eleven again. Chasing cats in a tiny town, you’re eleven again, you’re sixteen again. You’re in a rowboat. You’re staring out the back of a car. Out here where the world begins and ends, it’s like nothing ever stops happening.”

“I have a lot on my mind and not a lot to do so it's going to come out, all of it, and then, then, it may begin to make a sort of sense”

“Maybe it's important to open up I people- people who are right there with you, not some thousand miles away in another universe. Or maybe it's something else. Maybe I should just settle for not knowing. Maybe it's just good to know that you're not the only one who doesn't know.”

“‎All my stupid little thoughts beget stupid little thoughts, rampantly speculating every possible outcome of every possible situation until they're all done to death and none of them could ever be true.”

“I feel like im in this river just getting swept along... And if I hold on to anyone, if I'm holding on for dear life, I'm not getting anywhere. I'm stuck. ...I never wanted to get stuck”

“Kim: Hey... There's a guy over there with a samurai sword.Scott: Really? Like a katana or a wakizashi or both?”

“I am leaning back and running with it and staring at the stars and I’m eleven, I’m sixteen, I’m eighteen, I’m a newborn I’m everyone everywhere with you without you unbound set free in limbo lost at sea.”

“You stole him with your advanced American slut technology! You're not nice!”

“Kim: "What, a coffee? Hollie, I have some bad news. I hate you, okay?"Hollie: "You hate everyone, Kim."Kim: "You're one of everyone.”

“Those two make my mouth taste like throw up.”

“Anyway, how are you and Ramona doing?' Uh... you know. Pretty good.'Have you said the L-Word yet?'The L-Word? You mean? Lesbian?' Uh... No. The other L-Word.' ?'Okay. Uh, It's "love." I wasn't trying to trick you or anything.”

“These shoes are Mr Silly's shoes, Scott.”

“Scott: I don't think I'm ready to be a grown-up.Kim: I don't think you are either, buddy. But hey, you'll get it. It just takes practice.”

“I need some kind of... like... last minute, poorly-set-up deus ex machina!!”

“Do you want to have sex? I think we should have sex. CASUAL sex.”

“Bryan Lee O'Malley has been alive since he was born and will lives until he dies.”

“Fuck you fucks and the fucks you fucked in on!”

“Listen to this, okay? Just listen. You hear that? That's market bacon hitting the pan. Today a child is born unto us, and his name will be bacon.”

“Let's be friends based on mutual hate."- Wallace Wells"Listen to this, okay? Just listen. You hear that? That's' market bacon hitting the pan. Today a child is born unto us, and his name will be bacon." - Wallace Wells”

“Somehow the pantsless gay man is not bringing the romance, Scott.”

“Gilded palace of Flying BurritosExcellent Nouveau Mexican CuisineWe all got to wear Swank-Ass Nudie SuitsI should have known it was a lousy pipe dreamOhhh, Ohhh, what an awesome jobOhhh, Ohhh, what do I do now??Ohh, Ohhhhh, it's like I've been robbedSpent the last of my paychequeAnd I'm feelin' pretty downnnnn!!”

“You suck, surprising no one!!!! If bad was a boot, you'd fit it!!!! You're a stupid poo-poo head! I had sexual relations with your mother! Your mother was not that good in bed! You, sir, are a wretched soul! I am rubber, you are glue!”

“Okay, this might sound vague, but do you know this one girl with hair like this?”

“Are we letting her drink beer again?""Hell yes we are, and it's hilarious.”

“Oh, hey, maybe I should have mentioned that my friends are retarded douchebags.”

“This song is for the guy who keeps yelling from the balcony, and it's called, 'We hate you, please die.”

“What kind of tea do you want?""There´s more than one kind of tea?...What do you have?""Let´s see... Blueberry, Raspberry, Ginseng, Sleepytime, Green Tea, Green Tea with Lemon, Green Tea with Lemon and Honey, Liver Disaster, Ginger with Honey, Ginger Without Honey, Vanilla Almond, White Truffle Coconut, Chamomile, Blueberry Chamomile, Decaf Vanilla Walnut, Constant Comment and Earl Grey."-"I.. Uh...What are you having?... Did you make some of those up?”

“Scott, if your life had a face, I would punch it. I would punch your life in the face.”

“Tell it to the cleaning lady on Monday. Because you'll be dust on Monday. Because I'll be pulverizing you sometime over the weekend. And the cleaning lady... cleans up... dust. She dusts. And she has weekends off, so... Monday. Right?”