Carol Burnett

“I have always grown from my problems and challenges, from the things that don't work out, that's when I've really learned.”

“Cavort, dear, just cavort”

“I don't have false teeth. Do you think I'd buy teeth like these?”

“Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.”

“Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.”

“Because nobody goes though life without a scar.”

“Adolescence is just one big walking pimple.”

“No one ever said life was fair. Just Eventful.”

“When you have a dream, you've got to grab it and never let go.”

“When I was little I would always stand in front of a mirror and cross my eyes. Then my mother would come in and say, "Stop that, nothing will ever come of it!”

“The sidewalk was all cracked and wavy, like little hills, and the weeds pushed their way up through the cement. I had to roller-skate there anyway, because they wouldn't let me out of their sight, and they could watch me from the swing on the front porch of the old house. It was hard to skate there, and I kept falling down and getting sores on my knees...Sometimes, when they left me alone in 102 to go to the store, I'd turn on the radio and dance all around the room. I'd get on the furniture and jump from couch to the bed to the chair, leaping and twirling the whole time.”

“Words, once they are printed, have a life of their own.”

“Comedy = tragedy + time.”