Carolyn Crane

“All I could think of was you. All I can ever think about is you. Why am I always fighting it? Always fighting thinking about you, fighting this wonderful feeling about you. This aliveness. This love.” I look into his eyes and smile like a madwoman. “I love you!” I can’t stop saying it. “I love you. Love, love love.”

“I’m thinking about how you sighed this little sigh when you sank into the feeling of us together. We both sank into that feeling together—I’ll never forget that.”

“Your skin was electric—I half thought there should be sparks.” He lowers his voice. “I know you felt it. You looked so beautiful.”

“Is only reminding when one forgets.”

“I'm used to desperate, buddy. Desperate's my factory default. But thanks anyway.”

“Have you ever heard of anybody buying a vacuum cleaner at a vacuum cleaner store?" "One of the unsolved mysteries of the universe," Packard adds.”

“A kiss with the right person simply can't be compared to the drudgery of sleeping with the wrong one over and over.”

“If I could go back to be shot in place of Avery, I would do so.""I know," I whisper."Not merely that I would do so, I would exalt to do so." She purses her lips, stares into nothing. "In both a dark and a bright way, I would exalt to take that death as my own.”

“I nestle into him with the sensation that we’re two creatures of the same species, the last two on the planet, and we’ve finally found one another. These moments feel expansive, like they contain everything. Like they’re almost enough for a lifetime. Almost.”

“Up ahead stands the fun house, which you enter through a clown’s smiling mouth.“I would kill myself if I was prisoner here,” Shelby says.“No, you wouldn’t, just out of courtesy,” I say, “because your body would be trapped in there after you die, and your friends would have to watch your corpse rot.”“Hmm,” Shelby says. “Smell it too.”“Well, now we’re looking on the bright side,” Packard says.”

“Kenzo glances up from his chopping. “You look good enough to eat.”“Don’t tell that to Stu’s sleepwalkers,” I say.”

“Then I level my smile at Simon, and this smile is one I do feel, and it’s definitely an activity, too — the activity of fist suppression.”

“Love is a state of the heart, but also, an activity. And quite an awesome one.”

“I feel strange, like there’s an unformed, unfinished, sad little emotion bottled up in me, and I need to fuck it away.”

“Are you sure we shouldn't have the cops or more guys or something?""Don't you worry, buttercup," Francis says. "Anything more is extra time and a herd of elephants.”

“Without warning, Packard reaches out--I think he's going to touch my cheek, but he slides his hand around the nape of my neck and pulls me to him, kissing me warm and strong, lips soft, breath like coffee. The kiss takes me by surprise. My whole body wants to follow deeper into him, but he pulls away, and we're looking into each other's eyes, and the moment stops. And everything seems to fall out beneath me."Good luck," he whispers."Packard--"He opens the door. "It's okay."I stare at the open door. It feels like a closed door. And I leave.”

“Do you have no sense of decency?"He pauses, seems to think about this, then turns and walks out the door.”

“You have the most contact with Packard.""No, I don't.""Yes, you do," they say in unison."You just saw him," Helmut says."He had to deliver some gloves to me," I explain.Helmut raises an eyebrow. "And he couldn't have sent them with one of his people?"I don't answer. I'm thinking about those pretty gloves, clearly chosen to match that specific dress of mine. So thoughtful. Did he pick them out himself?Helmut snorts. "And what was he wearing?""A dinner jacket," I say, "but just to blend in with the crowd.""And did you share any food or beverage-""It wasn't a date."Simon tips his glass into his mouth and chews ice loudly."It wasn't a date.”

“People want view of beauty. Pfft. I say, do not give me lies.”

“I can't say Ah now?""No," I say sternly."Even if it's purely innocent? A genuine Ah? Not even that?" He makes a pleading face. It looks silly on him; he's never been the pleading type.He bats his cinnamon lashes once. "Not even ..."I try not to laugh.He keeps the face going and ”

“You know what happens when you give a kid a calculator instead of teaching him math?""I think you need my help." I cross my arms. "You know what happens when you give a kid a calculator instead of teaching him math?"He tilts his head, his eyes fetchingly bright."Sure he can do math that way," I continue, "but then if you take the calculator from him, suddenly he can't do any math at all, because he'slearned to rely on the calculator. Your power lets you look at people and see exactly what it takes to make them tick. Or crumble. But withoutyour power, you don't get people.”

“Oh.” Packard steps back. “I didn’t come in here forthis.”“I didn’t either.”There’s this silence where it seems like one of usought to utter a sentence that begins with the word yet.”

“God, Packard! Do you know how hard I worked atit?” I twist up the napkin and whip it at him.He deflects it. “There we go; I knew you could do it.”My mouth falls open. “Very funny.”He just laughs.“I can’t believe you!”

“I got it right Justine. Feel into it. Your sense of being a misfit blinds you to what your heart really wants. When you get around solid upstanding men you’re like a bird with tinfoil. It makes you incoherent on a romantic level.” “My affection is incoherent unless it’s for you That’s the line you’re giving me here ” “This is real.” He points out the door. “That isn’t.”

“He pushes my lips open with his and we sink into each other. It’s crazy and wonderful every part of me is melty with desire. It’s all just breath and body between us.”

“It’s all very deliciously diabolical my friend.” He smiles and I smile. We’re both pretty pleased with the plan. And increasingly pleased with each other.”

“You're right. I'm not the kind of woman to do something foolish out of defiance. I am, however, the kind of woman who would do something just to prove that you can't tell me what kind of woman I am.”

“On a scale of one to ten, I'd say you rate a one. If the Porta-Potties are ten.”

“What’s more, his faded old jeans hugged his ass perfectly as he stepped forward to toss a ring, and then they loosened as he stepped back. Hug, loosen, hug, loosen, hug, hug…hug…loosen. Jeans all perfectly rumpled right down to his dull, black boots. No doubt he chose those jeans specifically for their butt-hugging abilities. He probably practiced that hug-promoting movement in the mirror.”

“You wish to be free, but there is no such thing as freedom. You can redecorate dungeon to give illusion of freedom, but you are still in dungeon.” “I should’ve had the choice.” “Choice is illusion, same as happiness and freedom.”

“Fashion magazine disease articles. My personal Kryptonite.”

“Packard wrestles off his jacket and shirt. He ignores me, leaning far over to the side, reaching down into the rocks. He comes back with a handful of slime, which he swipes across his chest, smearing it over the solid planes of his muscles. “What the hell are you doing?”“Interfering with his concentration. Vulnerability and a lack of logic will disturb him. And the bricks exert a pull…”“Hold up!” he calls out. “I have to tell you something! Midcity is purchasing the Great Wall of China!” What? Has he gone insane? “Midcity is importing the wall, brick by brick, right now!”He strides, totally unprotected, toward where the Brick Slinger hides. “They’re bringing it here on a boat, in its raw brick form, to be deposited in the Maverick’s stadium!”

“Where's he getting the bricks? Packard asks. "That's what I don't understand. He brought his own bricks?”

“Sometimes you have to be a bad person to save yourself, and it takes a little chunk out of your soul, but you do it anyway.”

“I don't see how I could possibly move a napkin with the power of my mind," I say."All will be revealed." "Did you just say, 'All will be revealed'?"He looks up. "Yes.""Who says, 'All will be revealed'?""I do," Packard says. "Just perform the task.”

“You think you're charging up that memory? Is that what you think? You are going to be so sorry when I dream about my experience of eating chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream yesterday. Now that was exciting.”

“I'm thinking about that afternoon you came to the empty restaurant, that day after the Alchemist. You were so alone." He pauses. I was. I'd never felt so alone. "Nobody saw it, but I did. I always see you. And you came in that door and came up to me and everything was new.”

“Out the corner of my eye I see Packard fly at Marty, pin him against the wall. "You do not do that! You do not!" He jerks Marty with every *not*. "You do *not* disrespect that woman, you understand me?" Packard speaks through his teeth, as if to bite back his fury. "It was your goddamn *lucky* day she decided to come in here. And you would spit at her? You were *privileged* she came in here!”

“Most people think happiness is about gaining something, but it's not. It's all about getting rid of the darkness you accumulate.”

“Mongolian Fondue," I say. "Very authentic.”