Carrie Harris

“I wanted to beat the heck out of the JV guys for that, except I wouldn't know what to do in a fistfight without a manual.”

“So I started running through our weaponry to distract myself. I had my stun gun. Jonah had a pseudosword, and Aaron had a really cute butt. Not that his butt would be useful in de-botting Trey, but it's always good to have a full catalog of your strengths before going into battle.”

“It probably wasn't smart to judge them based on appearance. I, for instance, was destined to be a world-renowned surgeon, but between my long, brown braid, square-framed glasses, and boyish figure, I looked more like the kind of girl who works in a library and spends Friday nights having deep, meaningful conversations with her cats.”

“That puke was the most wonderful thing I'd ever seen. It was green and a little red. Technicolor, really, the color puke is supposed to be. It definitely wasn't black, and it didn't smell like toasty poop. This was a good sign.”

“Excuse me if I feel skeptical,' I said. 'Coach's foot fell off. How exactly do you propose to cure that? Superglue?”

“I'm going to go hunt some zombie," he said. It would have sounded pretty cool if his voice hadn't cracked in the middle of the sentence.”

“Are these Romero slow zombies, or 28 Days Later fast zombies?” “They were totally slow, dude. Are you blind?”

“After a quick meltdown in the bathroom, I went downstairs. When I turned the corner at the bottom of the basement steps, Jonah lept at me, waving a plastic bag in my face. I'd never been so happy to see a Country Market bag in my life.”

“Jonah squealed, jumping up and down and shaking his pom-poms. His skirt swished around his scrawny yellow knees.“Jonah, can I give you a piece of sisterly advice?”“Yeah.”“If you ever want to lose your virginity, don’t do that again. Ever.”

“I stumbled into a clearing. In the springtime, it was probably the kind of place you’d like to hang out with sparkly vampires. But it was slightly less attractive in the rain.”

“What kind of emergency?”“Uh …”“Gynecology or acupuncture?”What the heck would an acupuncture-related emergency be like?”

“Everyone in the room stared at me like they expected me to grow fangs and sparkle.”