Chris Elliott

“The majestic architecture, the cultivated manners, the simplicity of life, the disregard for one's fellow man, the plagues, the rampant corruption, the unmitigated racism, and the uncontrollable violence--all the things our grandparents called 'the good old days'...”

“By all accounts this evening promised to be yet another in the long progression of dog days that oozed like a piece of soft, runny brie with a hunk of moldy French bread and washed down with a mug of room-temperature Clamato.”

“The sun is the hottiest planet, and it would burn you if you tried to eat it.”