Chris Onstad

“Dude, you didn't fugue, you were just berserk. That's like comparing a lunatic to a pissed guy with goals.”

“Welcome to the only game in town.”

“YOU GONNA STAND THERE WITH YOUR BUTT ON THE BACK OF YOUR BODY OR ARE YOU GONNA GET IN ON THIS, BEEF?”

“He threw on a cardigan and some track pants and tried to say a goodbye that meant come back again.”

“Fire is not a thing. It is a situation of temperature.”

“I was glad to have the opportunity, but now I am glad to be rid of it. The constant violence, or the impending threat of it, and the toll of seeing so many casualties, over time, has enveloped me in an environment that weighs as heavily as a wool shroud even on pleasant days. To be the tiller at the wheel of man's hatred for man should be a tour of duty, not a career. - Ashley Crandall”

“The saddest thing is a little girl who is told by her own mother and father that she will never be pretty.And then they open the front door, and on the porch is a little white suitcase, with all of her things in it.”

“The saddest thing is an old bag lady, freezing to death in the snow on Christmas Eve, and the last thing she sees is a family in a nice warm diner getting beheaded by the Taliban.”

“The saddest thing is when the toilet from an abandoned space station falls back to earth, lands upside-down on a child who was playing alone in the backyard, and smooshes them into the shape of half a hard-boiled egg. ...And when they lift the toilet off of the child, two lips at the top of the bloody mound say, on their dying breath, "I love you, mommy.”

“The saddest thing is a retarded man who is crying and promising a broken egg that it will still be a chicken some day.And that they'll play together in a field when it gets better.”

“It's kind of like... It's kind of like playin' a basketball game. I am there and the other player is there, and it's just the two of us and I put the other player's body in my van. And I am the winner.”

“I wish in the past I had tried more things 'cause now I know that being in trouble is a fake idea.”

“If you think about it even medium-hard, launching a scared little dog into space with no intention of getting it back is a seriously fucked thing to do.”

“College is just a place where they let you pay them to tell you things you should be getting paid to learn on the job. TRUE.Don't take that teat, baby. That is a raw tittie. College is a red raw areola, and instead of milk it releases highly acidic French dressing. --"Ray's Place" 1/6/04”