Conan O'Brien

“If you accept your misfortune and handle it right, your perceived failure can become a catalyst to profound reinvention.”

“Please do not be cynical. I hate cynicism – it's my least favorite quality, and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen.”

“All I ask of you is one thing: please don’t be cynical. I hate cynicism — it’s my least favorite quality and it doesn’t lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard, and you’re kind, amazing things will happen.”

“Rev. Pat Robertson says that if more states legalize gay marriage, God will destroy America. He did say that afterwards, gays will come in and do a beautiful renovation.”

“You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein Because he hates America he loves mistresses and he wears a beret. He is French people.”

“There is nothing more liberating than having your worst fear realized.”

“Disappointment leads to clarity, which leads to conviction and true originality.”

“I told graduates to not be afraid to fail, and I still believe that. But today I tell you that whether you fear it or not, disappointment will come. The beauty is that through disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes conviction and true originality.”

“It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique. It's not easy, but if you accept your misfortune and handle it right your perceived failure can become a catalyst for profound re-invention.”

“Music and comedy are so linked. The rhythm of comedy is con­nected to the rhythm of music. They’re both about creating tension and knowing when to let it go. I’m always surprised when somebody funny is not musical.”

“Work hard and be kind and amazing things will happen.”

“Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen.”

“I've always believed, in my heart of hearts, that it would be a better show if, when I crossed over to the desk, the band kept playing for an hour and I danced in a cage.”

“If I existed 200 years ago, all the other farmers in my community would be like, 'That guy is worthless! He's sitting on a rock, jumping up like a frog, coming up with weird concepts and ideas, making faces, and combing his hair into a giant pastry.' It's a good thing I was born in this century, when superfluous television seems to be part of the economy.”

“Republicans have called for a National African-American Museum. The plan is being held up by finding a location that isn't in their neighborhood. ”

“I just want to say to the kids out there watching: You can do anything you want in life. Unless Jay Leno wants to do it too.”

“All I ask is one thing, and I’m asking this particularly of young people: please don’t be cynical. I hate cynicism, for the record, it’s my least favorite quality and it doesn’t lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen.”

“If you work really hard, and you're kind, amazing things will happen.”

“Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, "Jesus! This cup is expensive!”

“The top two movies at the box office this weekend were 'High School Musical 3' and 'Saw V.'One movie features gruesome onscreen torture that is difficult to watch and the other is about a guy with a saw.”

“When all else fails, there's always delusion.”

“Applaud my idiocy.”

“A study in the Washington Post says that women havebetter verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.”

“It's a mistake to read. Television is the only way. ”

“My favorite comedy is comedy where nothing is achieved and there is no point.”