Courtney Milan

“A longer pause, and the carriage came to a halt. “I see very little difference,” he finally said into the quiet. “My life is duty. Essentially.” Miranda wasn’t certain if she hurt more for him or for herself. “What part of your duty am I?” He squeezed her hand. “You’re the ray of sun at the center of the storm.” It choked her up, that image.”

“The Bible got it wrong when it intimated that the valley contained the shadow of death. Death dwells in the high places.”

“Friendship was a concept men bandied about to save face when they were rejected.”

“Maybe that’s what I have been looking for. When storms and rockslides threaten, I am looking for someone who will hold on to me and not let go.”

“I’ll be your friend in daylight. I’ll treat you as a comrade in every gas-lit ballroom. But alone, under moonlight, I’ll not pretend that I want you for anything but mine.”

“Over the years, everyone stumbles. That's why I'll be here for you — and you'll be there for me. I don't expect perfection. I want you, and you're a thousand times better.”

“He was nothing but a deep abyss of want, and only she could fill him.”

“Some servent with no sense of the symbolic had kept the hinges well-oiled during the years of his absence,as if their marital life had merely been cast into temporary abeyance.”

“Libraries are the future of reading. When the economy is down, we need to make it easier for people to buy and read books for free, not harder. It is stupid to sacrifice tomorrow’s book buyers for today’s dollars, especially when it’s obvious that the source in question doesn’t have any more dollars to give you.”

“Ned knew what it was like to feel useless. He had been the expendable grandchild, the non-heir. He'd been the fool, the idiot, the one who could be counted on to muck up anything worth doing. His grandfather had expected nothing of Ned, and Ned, young idiot that he had been, had delivered spectacularly.”

“The physician said some women don't take to childbirth. Something about too much excitement laid upon the female sensibility. She wasn't herself afterward. The female mind is delicate as it is, you know. She changed during her confinement. She was less biddable, more excitable. More given to hysterics."Harcroft shrugged. The gesture conveyed helplessness, and Kate's lip curled. Helpless, Harcroft was not. Kate suppressed the urge to lift the nearby oil lamp with her delicate, female hands. She felt excited and unbiddable right now;why, she might slip and use her own delicate, female sensibility to bash all that heavy brass into his head.”

“Our marriage lasted a few months. Once you left, what remained faded faster than the ink on the license. And what's left..well, it could blow away in one tiny puff of wind.""Well,then." he spoke with an air of certainty. "I'll try not to exhale.""Don't bother. I stopped holding my breath years before.”

“It was a good thing she was wearing her mother's pearls. With those clasping her neck, she felt as if she could conquer anything. Harcroft would mock her, no doubt, if he knew her thoughts. He'd dismiss her attire as frills and furbelows-a women's only armor. Idiocy on his part.There were a great many problems that could be solved with a visit to the mantua-maker. and fine gowns or no, this meeting promised to be a war, however politely and subtly it was joined.”

“Kate had dressed for battle, donning her finest pink muslin morning dress. With lace at her wrists and mother-of-pearl buttons at her throat, instead of that itchy servant's cloak, she felt capable of matching wits with anyone.”

“I'll not pretend that I want you for anything but mine.”

“What are you planning to dowith all my points?”Points? It took Jenny a moment to remember what he was talking about. Points, when he smiled. She turnedaround slowly and put her hands on her hips.“Your points? Those are my points. I earned them. You can’t have them.”Gareth scowled and shoved his hands into his pockets.“Bollocks. I had to smile very hard for every single one of them. And if you don’t take this elephant and marry me, Iswear to God you’ll never get another point again.”Jenny’s world froze. Outside, she could hear the clear voice of a blackbird singing. It was overwhelmed by theringing in her ears. She turned to Gareth slowly.“What did you say?”“I said, you’ll never earn another point again. I haven’t smiled since you left me, and I miss it.” He kicked at the ground, his eyes tracing the dust. “I miss you.”“No, before that.”“Take this elephant—”“After.”He looked up. That feral light shone in his eyes again, but this time the wild look was a plea. A lion yearning to befreed from its cage. “Take me.” His voice was thick and husky. “Please. Jenny. I’m begging you.” She didn’t know what to say in answer. He’d shocked the words right out of her skin. She could only stare, as some frozen expanse inside her tingled to life. It hurt to want.”

“After Blakely delivered that infamous and muchrepeated set down, he transferred his gaze to the newMarchioness of Blakely.She shook her head, once. Firmly. “Gareth,” she said dryly. “It is your sister’s wedding day. Behave.”Silence. He’d lifted his chin, in typical Blakely arrogance.The crowd waited for the blast.And then Lord Blakely shrugged and grinned helplessly.Grinned. Helpless. A Blakely.“Oh,” said his sister, from where she stood near him. “Isthat how it’s done? I’ll have to practice that.”Like that, everything society knew about nine generations of Blakelys went up in smoke.Since that day, there had been no question. Lady Blakely had been granted otherworldly powers at birth.Every smile she coaxed from him, every laugh that she surprised from his lips, stood as testament to her arcane abilities.And those that questioned her worth still had only to see the look in his eyes when he watched her to find all theproof they required.”

“There was only a language of families, a tongue woven from a lifetime of shared experiences. Its vocabulary consisted of gestures and curt sentences, incomprehensible to all outsiders. Inside, it wasn't difficult to translate at all.”

“See?” Jenny said. “That was good. A comforting gesture, and completely unprompted on my part. You’re aquick study. Even you will have to admit that, despite your appeal to logic, touch works. All the cold in me flows to you.”“Cold can’t flow,” he said, pulling her closer. “Only heat.Thermodynamically speaking—”“Gareth?”He looked down.“Don’t ruin this.”He didn’t.”

“Now come,” he said. “Does your Alex love you back, or is he a hopeless idiot?”“He loves me,” she said quietly. “But I’m afraid he’ll stop after we marry. He’ll change his mind. He’ll—”“He’ll love you more. Trust me.”“Really?” She was far too somber.“Really.” He had no words to make her smile, and so Gareth tweaked her nose.And she giggled.It had been a long time since he’d laughed. But despite all those years, he still remembered how. What he’dforgotten was the lightness of his soul when he did so. The moment was perfect.”

“And that was how Jenny discovered the answer to her question. How could she remain Gareth’s lover without becoming his mistress?She couldn’t.The only question was whether this affair would end in three months or three days.”

“Her fingers clenched against his shoulder blades. “You don’t know what you’re asking.”“Do I not?” He threaded his hands gently around her neck. “I’m asking you to make love with me.”That word again. She opened her eyes. “Gareth,” she whispered. “Please. Don’t. This is hard enough—”She stopped speaking as his gaze pierced her.Incredible. Last night had seemed so intimate. And yet ithad been so dark that she had not been able to see anything other than flashes of light, reflecting off the surfaceof his skin. Now she could look into his eyes. They were golden-brown. They were not cutting or dismissive. Andeven though she could see the desire smolder inside them, there was something else in them that turned her belly to liquid.”

“The marquess held the weapon out, as formally as if he were passing a sword.Soberly, Ned accepted it. He placed the sacrificial citrus on the table in front of him, and then with one carefulincision, eviscerated it. He speared deep into its heart, hishands steady, and then cut it to pieces. Jenny allotted herself one short moment of wistful sorrow for her afterdinner treat gone awry as the juice ran everywhere.“Enough.” She reached out and covered his hand midstab.“It’s dead now,” she explained gravely.He pulled his hand away and nodded. Lord Blakely took back his knife and cleaned it with a handkerchief.Jenny studied the corpse. It was orange. It was pulpy. Itwas going to be a mess to clean up. Most importantly, it gave her an excuse to sit and think of something mystical to say—the only reason for this exercise, really. Lord Blakelydemanded particulars. But in Jenny’s profession, specifics were the enemy.”

“Jenny’s admonition had the desired effect. Ned drew a deep breath and thrust his arm gingerly into the bag, his mouth puckered in distaste. The expression on his face flickered from queasy horror to confusion. From there, itflew headlong into outright bafflement. Shaking his head, he pulled his fist from the bag and turned his hand palm up.For a long moment, the two men stared at the offending lump. It was brightly colored. It was round. It was—“An orange?” Lord Blakely rubbed his forehead. “Not quite what I expected.” He scribbled another notation.“We live in enlightened times,” Jenny murmured.”

“What do you see?” asked Ned, his voice hushed.“I see…I see…an elephant.”“Elephant,” Lord Blakely repeated, as he transcribed herwords. “I hope that isn’t the extent of your prediction.Unless, Ned, you plan to marry into the genus Loxodonta.”Ned blinked. “Loxo-wha?”“Comprised, among others, of pachyderms.”

“The truth is simply this: you can find a better man than I. God knows you wouldn't have to look very hard. But I don't believe you can find one who loves you more.”

“You've always been your own knight, riding to your rescue. I'm just the man who came along and saw how brightly your armor shone.”

“What am I supposed to think, when you imagine me pure as the driven snow? I am not a child. If you strip me of the responsibility for my decisions, you strip me of the capacity to make them, as well. I am not a kitten, to be rescued from the jaws of a wolf. I'm a grown woman. And it is not your place to solve my problems without asking me for my opinion.”

“Jess again. Mark had called her Jessica. As if she were a full person, not a truncated portion of one.”

“For years, every conversation she had with a man had been colored by calculation. Would she put him off is she spoke her mind? What did he want her to say? When a man took a mistress, he purchased not just the rights to her body, but the content of her thoughts. Sir Mark wanted her as she was, not as he wished her to be. The thought made her head hurt.”

“You see, I'm not some shiny bauble to be strung onto a necklace and displayed for all the world to see. I'm too proud to ever be anyone's conquest.”

“He'd wanted someone to see him. To see past his reputation...He wanted to be seen not as flawless, but as himself, faults and all.”

“Her lips found his and a stab of exquisite desire shot through him. This is what he's been waiting for all this time. Not a stolen embrace. A gift, freely given. One that he would keep forever in some small part of his soul.”

“Jenny: But surely Lord Blakely could not abandon his estates for so long.Gareth: No. Lord Blakely could not. Not unless he had someone he could trust to run his estates in his absence. And Lord Blakely...Well, Lord Blakely did not trust anyone.Jenny: Lord Blakely is talking about himself in the third person, past tense. Its disturbing.”

“Ned: I figured it was time for a picnic by the menagerie.Jenny: And you brought me? Why not take the woman you're marrying?Ned: She's grown up with the Duke of Ware. Lions seem less ferocious.”

“Miss Edmonton: I don't even know where to start. It's too horrifying to even speak of.Jenny: Nonsense. Let's start with the basics. What did your aunt tell you?Miss Edmonton: My aunt said that my husband will come into my room and pull my skirt up. And then he'll put himself inside of me. She said it hurts. She suggested I hold my tongue and pretend I am somewhere else until he is done.Jenny: Yes. I should think it would hurt if you did it that way. Good heavens.”

“Jenny: You didn't leave?Gareth: Of course I left. I was hungry, and I couldn't find anything to eat. I bought a loaf and some cheese. And oranges. Wait. You mean you thought I had left. Without saying a word to you. Would I do that?(Jenny nodded)Gareth: Damn it. You know better than most I'm no good at these things but even I am not that bad. Really, Jenny. Why would you believe such a thing of me?Jenny: I don't know, Maybe because you once told me all you wanted from me was a good shag?Gareth: I said that? (he looked surprised, then contemplative. Then apparently, he remembered and winced) God. I said that? Why did you even touch me?”

“Your boy here-" Ware jerked his head in angry indication "can't explain himself worth a damn."That;s hardly news to me. Nonethelss," Gareth said, "I can't allow you to kill him. His death would be a terrible inconvenience for me."Ware snorted. "If this is a same of his behavior, his death couldn't be so inconvenient as his life.”

“The performance was exotic. It was short. And it wasn't much more dreadful than the Chinese opera that had been performed last year."Bravo!" Ned called. He applauded madly. Thankfully, everyone joined in.Blakely bowed, rather stiffly, and picked his way through the rows toward his seat. He didn't even make eye contact with Ned, didn't acknowledge that Ned had just saved him.Ha, Just because Blakely had no humility didn't mean Ned couldn't try to humiliate him further."Encore!" Ned shouted.Blakely fixed Ned with a look that promised eventual dismemberment. Luckily for the future attachment of Ned's limbs, nobody else took up the cry.”

“Jenny: Ned, I am having difficulties forming the image of the woman you should marry in my mind. Tell me, how do you imagine your ideal woman?"Ned: Oh, She's exactly like you. Except younger.Jenny: Whatever do you mean? She's clever? Witty?Ned: No. I mean she's dependable and honest.The mysterious smile slipped from Jenny's lips for the barest instant, and she looked at him in appalled and flattered horror. If this was how Ned assessed character, he would end up married to a street thief in no time at all.”