Daniel Gottlieb
Daniel Gottlieb, Ph.D.
Dan began his practice in 1969 after receiving undergraduate and graduate degrees at Temple University. As a young psychologist, his early career specialized in addictions where he ultimately was the director of a community based treatment program in Philadelphia. He enjoyed early successes and loved spending time with his two young daughters. The first decade of his career felt perfect.
In 1979 Dan was in a near fatal automobile accident which left him paralyzed from the chest down. As expected, there were years of despair and depression. He experienced loss on top of loss as his wife left the marriage and passed away several years later. And in the ensuing years he mourned the loss of his sister and his parents. And for the last three decades, he has been observing life with passion and discussion and learning valuable lessons about what it means to be human and how to find peace in the wake of suffering.
Since 1985, Daniel Gottlieb has been hosting "Voices in the Family," an award-winning mental health call-in radio show aired on WHYY 90.9 FM, Philadelphia's local public radio station. From 1993 until 2008, he wrote a highly regarded column for the Philadelphia Inquirer titled: "Inside Out," reflecting his perspective on the events in the world around us and the many ways we experience those events. He has also previously published a total of four books. His most recent, "The Wisdom of Sam: Observations on Life from an Uncommon Child,". In it, Dan tells of some of the remarkable insights shared by his grandson Sam who is on the autism spectrum. All of his royalties are donated to children's charities.
In addition to his writing and radio show, he lectures locally and nationally on a variety of topics affecting the well-being of people, families and the larger community.
The essence of his philosophy can be found on his business card. After his name there are no degrees and no fancy titles. His card simply says "Gottlieb. Human."
Through personal and professional experience, Dan has learned that our greatest suffering is alienation and loneliness. That is these powerful emotions can produce prejudice, hatred, violence, withdrawal and depression. He has learned that all humans long for human contact, compassion and understanding. And without compassion, our spirits wither.
Dan is the proud father of two daughters who contribute to making the world a better place. He is the blissfully happy grandfather of Sam and he deeply grateful for the life he has.
“بتقدمنا في العمر، تفقد بعض خصائصنا قوتها، مثلما تفقد الحجارة حوافها الحادة جراء هطول مياه الشلالات عليها. وقد نفقد أيضاً جزءا من الحكمة العظيمة التي ولدنا بها. لكن أثر هذه الحكمة يظل موجودا معنا، أمام أعيننا.”
“Last month, on a very windy day, I was returning from a lecture I had given to a group in Fort Washington. I was beginning to feel unwell. I was feeling increasing spasms in my legs and back and became anxious as I anticipated a difficult ride back to my office. Making matters worse, I knew I had to travel two of the most treacherous high-speed roads near Philadelphia – the four-lane Schuylkill Expressway and the six-lane Blue Route.You’ve been in my van, so you know how it’s been outfitted with everything I need to drive. But you probably don’t realize that I often drive more slowly than other people. That’s because I have difficulty with body control. I’m especially careful on windy days when the van can be buffeted by sudden gusts. And if I’m having problems with spasms or high blood pressure, I stay way over in the right hand lane and drive well below the speed limit.When I’m driving slowly, people behind me tend to get impatient. They speed up to my car, blow their horns, drive by, stare at me angrily, and show me how long their fingers can get. (I don't understand why some people are so proud of the length of their fingers, but there are many things I don't understand.) Those angry drivers add stress to what already is a stressful experience of driving.On this particular day, I was driving by myself. At first, I drove slowly along back roads. Whenever someone approached, I pulled over and let them pass. But as I neared the Blue Route, I became more frightened. I knew I would be hearing a lot of horns and seeing a lot of those long fingers.And then I did something I had never done in the twenty-four years that I have been driving my van. I decided to put on my flashers. I drove the Blue Route and the Schuylkyll Expressway at 35 miles per hour.Now…Guess what happened?Nothing! No horns and no fingers.But why?When I put on my flashers, I was saying to the other drivers, “I have a problem here – I am vulnerable and doing the best I can.” And everyone understood. Several times, in my rearview mirror I saw drivers who wanted to pass. They couldn’t get around me because of the stream of passing traffic. But instead of honking or tailgating, they waited for the other cars to pass, knowing the driver in front of them was in some way weak.Sam, there is something about vulnerability that elicits compassion. It is in our hard wiring. I see it every day when people help me by holding doors, pouring cream in my coffee, or assist me when I put on my coat. Sometimes I feel sad because from my wheelchair perspective, I see the best in people. But those who appear strong and invulnerably typically are not exposed to the kindness I see daily.Sometimes situations call for us to act strong and brave even when we don't feel that way. But those are a few and far between. More often, there is a better pay-off if you don't pretend you feel strong when you feel weak, or pretend that you are brave when you’re scared. I really believe the world might be a safer place if everyone who felt vulnerable wore flashers that said, “I have a problem and I’m doing the best I can. Please be patient!”
“Missing feels like a sad spot in my heart...Missing means I love her.”
“Two waves in the ocean are talking to each other. The front wave tells the second that it's frightened because it is about to crash into the shore and cease to exist. But the second wave shows no fear. It explains to the first: "You are frightened because you think you are a wave; I am not frightened because know I am part of the ocean.”
“The story of Pi is the story of all of us. We all have tigers under our tarpaulins - tigers that, we feel, could destroy us. We think we want to be rid of our tigers. But the truth is, we would feel a great loss if they ran away, because ultimately, each tiger is part of us.”
“A Buddhist teacher once said that a poisonous snake is only poisonous when you walk toward it.”
“When we stop fighting against death, we are able to wake up to our lives.”
“The truth is, if we become comfortable with who we are rather than who we think we should be, then we will be less insecure.”
“Hope is always about the future. And it isn't always good news. Sometimes, hope can imprison us with belief or expectation that something will happen in the future to change our lives. Similarly hopelessness isn't always about despair. Hopelessness can bring us right into this very moment and answer all of life's most difficult questions. Who am I? Where am I? What does this mean? And what now?”
“We work so hard to avoid death because life is precious. That is why we clutch to this life so tightly. That's why we have so much anxiety, even anger, when something threatens us or our loved ones. But here's the contradiction: If you work TOO HARD to avoid death, then you're not going to have time to feel how precious life really is. You won't be able to feel it. You'll know it in your head but not in your heart.”