Daven Anderson

“Since I can't turn into a bat and fly, I'll still need my bus pass”

“Consider this a one-thousand horsepower divorce, sweetheart”

“You said you left Mississippi in 1854," Ron says. He turns to Mamuwalde and asks "Were you a runaway slave?" "Not at all," Cindy Lou answers. "Daddy freed him." Ron's jaw almost hits the floor. His wine glass does.”

“How come they get to be gray-haired and still in love with each other, while Lilly tears out what's left of my heart and dumps it into her Jill-The-Ripper shredder?”

“I hate it when I go into a Snack Shack and they're out of Blue Ice. The other slushie flavors taste like cheap candy.”

“You don't get to be the president of anything if you have bad manners.”

“When you f*** a Vampire, you get a free hat.”

“You can't do that, it makes too much sense.”