David Letterman
David Michael Letterman is an Emmy Award-winning American television host and comedian. His first major success occurred on the long-running NBC television program, Late Night with David Letterman, before moving to CBS in 1993 to his current place on the Late Show.
Letterman's ironic, often absurd comedy is heavily influenced by former Tonight Show hosts Steve Allen, Johnny Carson and Jack Paar.
“There is no off position on the genius switch.”
David Letterman
“America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.”
David Letterman
“BP has put more birds in oil than Colonel Sanders.”
David Letterman
“There is no off position on the genius”
David Letterman
“Labour day is a great American holiday that peoplecelebrate by going out and buying products made in China”
David Letterman
“If it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.”
David Letterman
“I haven't reached nirvana yet, but I've been to Detroit.”
David Letterman
“You can't eat tomatoes because they're tainted with deadly salmonella.First there was tainted lettuce. Now, tainted tomatoes. Who would have thought that the healthiest part of a B.L.T. would be the bacon?”
David Letterman
“I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red.”
David Letterman
“Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? 1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. 2) Advising the President. 3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin. ”
David Letterman
“If what you've done is stupid, but it works..then it really isn't all that stupid.”
David Letterman
“I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.”
David Letterman
“You have Kim Jong Il, and you have his brother, Menta Lee Il.”
David Letterman
“USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.”
David Letterman