David Walliams

“In Britain, a cup of tea is the answer to every problem.Fallen off your bicycle? Nice cup of tea.Your house has been destroyed by a meteorite? Nice cup of tea and a biscuit.Your entire family has been eaten by a Tyrannosaurus Rex that has travelled through a space/time portal? Nice cup of tea and a piece of cake. Possibly a savoury option would be welcome here too, for example a Scotch egg or a sausage roll.”

“The Duchess looked at Chloe with a look that said, You had the chance to tell him, but you chose to carry on the lie.How do I know that the Duchess's look said this? Because there is an excellent book in my local library entitled One Thousand Doggy Expressions Explained by Professor L. Stone.I digress.”

“It's strange how sometimes you can be so happy it goes all the way round to sadness.”

“It was a long, long time since anyone had hugged him, so he hugged himself.”

“A bully can only make you feel bad about yourself if you let them.”

“Perhaps Mother was trying to shame her into losing weight. In truth, it only made Chloe more miserable, and being miserable only made her eat more. Filling herself up with chocolate, crisps and cake felt like being given a much-needed hug.”

“Spending so much time alone had turned Chloe's imagination into a deep dark forest. It was a magical place to escape to, and so much more thrilling than real life.”

“You mustn't let bullies get you down.”

“He seemed lonely too, not just alone, but lonely in his soul. That made Chloe sad. She knew full well what it was like to feel lonely. Chloe didn't like school very much. Mother had insisted on sending her to a posh all-girls secondary school, and she hadn't made any friends there. Chloe didn't like being at home much either. Wherever she was she had the feeling that she didn't quite fit in.”

“I think all those rules are boring. About what people can and can't wear. Surely everyone should be able to wear whatever they like?”

“No more watching that show Small England or whatever it's called where those two idiots dress up as 'laydees'. It's a bad influence.”