D.D. Barant

“Why is it men think you have to accept an apology, just because one is offered?”

“I talk better when I’m drinking coffee.” “Me, too. If by coffee you mean beer, and by better you mean louder.”

“Get down!" Azura yells. I have the bizarre urge to yell back, "Get funky!" but fortunately that part of my brain isn't in charge of my reflexes.”

“Dr Adams was following my orders if you want to blame someone blame me -casiusoh i do,I'm just so pissed i had extra left over - Jace”

“You can't do that kind of thing normally, but normal dumped without a note nearly a month ago. These days, I'll happily set fire to a bridge the second after I've crossed it - I don't plan on being around for the consequences to catch up with me.”

“I've got a bad case of the 3:00 am guilts - you know, when you lie in bed awake and replay all those things you didn't do right? Because, as we all know, nothing solves insomnia like a nice warm glass of regret, depression and self-loathing.”

“I don't care if we're on our way to look at the dismembered corpse of the pope, I want coffee.”

“My backup plan is to challenge Bearbreaker to single combat, defeat him, become Queen of the Zerkers and spend the rest of my life riding a giant motorcycle over frozen tundra.”

“What happens if I try to run?” I ask as the doors close. (jace)“I’ll stop you.” (charlie)“You don’t look too quick.” (jace)“You’d be surprised.” (charlie) “I hate surprises.” (jace)“Then don’t run. (charlie)”

“I don't do romance, in the same way I don't do heroin Russian roulette, or nude alligator wrestling. I consider all of the above self-destructive, and demeaning and these are things up with which I will not put.”

“Deep spirit scanning,” Eisfanger says. His voice has a strange resonance to it, like I’m hearing him through a bad phone connection. “Don’t worry, it’s completely safe. Well, mostly.”“Mostly?”“Side effects have been documented,” he admits. “In a very small percentage of cases. Less than two percent.”“What kind of side effects?” Suddenly I’m feeling nauseous. Feels like the ants are crawling around inside me now, which is exactly as disturbing as it sounds.“Memory loss. Synesthesia. And occasionally … vestigial growths.”“So I could forget my own name, start smelling purple everywhere and have an extra nipple sprout from my forehead?”

“I stare at him. "Gee, don't feel like you have to sugarcoat it or anything.""Some people need a cold dose of reality to help them focus.""You could have just slapped me.""I considered it. But you hate clichés, and I hate being shot.""Good point. Plus, this is a hospital. Guns are kind of noisy.""Are they? I thought it was just a personal statement on your part, like women who wear too much makeup.”

“I take one day off," he says, "and you almost get yourself killed.""Almost being the operative word.""Killed being the operative word. Almost is the word Killed used to beat up in high school.”

“Paranoia is just the bastard child of fear and good sense." (Charlie)"Poor thing. Let's adopt it, give it a last name and raise it right." (Jace)"You want to get it a puppy, too?""Sure. We'll call it Panic. It and little Paranoia can play together at the park and scare the hell out of all the other kids.”

“What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Except for tattoos and STDs.”

“I'm in position." Charlie's voice, coming through my earpiece."Wish I could say the same. All the blood's rushing to my head.""Thrope stuff?" Charlie sounds a little worried."No, I'm upside down.""Why?""I thought it would make me look all cool and ninja-y.""No one's supposed to be bale to see you.""Ah. I knew there was a flaw in my plan. Also, i slipped.""In fact, the whole point of being a ninja is not to be seen.""Fortunately I have this nifty safety harness, which is why I'm dangling instead of plummeting. Thanks for asking.”

“Wait", I say. "That's-you-what?""That's what I love about working with you, Valchek. Your eloquence.""But -but- but-""And your motorboat impressions.""Charlie, if you were there, why didn't you arrest him?”

“We doing a traffic stop?""Yeah. I have a reasonable suspicion that we're witnessing a violation of the law.""Which law?""I'll decide later.”

“Most people need a reason to argue - you just need a place.”

“Yeah? Feels like we just traded one set of rumors for another. We still have no idea where he is, what his plans are, or even what he looks like."Patience, dear girl, patience."Easy for you to say. You're immortal.”

“Is that a scanning electron microscope? “This’ll do, pig, this’ll do,” I murmur.“Excuse me?”“Sorry. Film reference, wasn’t meant as an insult.”“Ah. I see.” His tone tells me he clearly doesn’t. I briefly consider educating him, but explaining a movieabout a talking pig who wants to be a sheepdog to a Japanese vampire just isn’t all that high on my to-dolist.”

“How...how are you doing, Jace?'Holding on. Just barely. Charlie?'Charlie's tone is almost conversational. 'Kind of getting the urge to kill both of you. Think I'm gonna head back.'Sure, okay, no problem.'Yeah, yeah, good idea. You do that.”

“I look over at him. He stares straight ahead."So," I say. "Golem, huh?""I prefer the term 'Mineral-American.”