Diana Peterfreund

“You would say that, Malakai. You've loved one all your life.”

“Dear Kai, The sun is probably streaming in through the big barn windows now, which means you're awake. And if you're awake, it means you're wondering where I went. I haven't run away from you, I promise. But I knew that today of all days, they'd need me in the house. Tatiana may be the head of our household now, but she's not the one our staff will look to in my mother's absence. And there is so much to do to prepare for the funeral. Also, I have to go tell my grandfather what has happened to his daughter. I don't want him to hear of her death from anyone but me. Thank you for last night. I wish I could say I don't know why you re the one I ran to,- you, Kai, not Tatiana or my father or even my grandfather. But I know why. And I have a confession to make. After you let me cry, after you let me sob and shout and choke on all that pain-after you did all that, and didn't say a word-I didn't fall asleep like you thought. Not right away. I lay there, wadded up into a ball, and you curved your body behind mine. You were barely touching me-your thigh against the edge of my hip, your arm draped lightly across my waist, your fingers entwined with mine. How many times have our hands touched, when we were passing each other tools or helping each other in and out of machines? Hundreds of times. Thousands. But last night was different. You cradled my hand in yours, palms up, our fingers curled in like a pair of fallen leaves. Fallen, maybe, but not dead. My hand never felt so alive. Every place you touched me sparked with energy. I couldn't sleep. Not like that. And so I bent my head, just the slightest bit, until my mouth reached our hands. I smelled the oil you never quite get off your fingers. I breathed in the scent of your skin. And then, as if that was all I was doing, just breathing, I let my bottom lip brush against your knuckle. Time stopped, I was sure you'd see through my ruse and pull away. I was sure you'd know that I was not asleep, that I was not just breathing. But you didn't move, so I did it again. And again. And in the third time, I let my top lip join my bottom. I kissed your hand, Kai. I didn't do it to thank you for letting me cry. For letting me sleep in your arms. I thought you should know. Yours, ElliotDear Elliot, I know. When will I see you again? Yours, Kai”

“For Darkness Shows the Stars is a breath-taking romance about opening your mind to the future and your heart to the one person you know who can break it.”

“I don't need to see the trail to know you're at the end of it. My grandfather's compass may not work, but mine is still true.”

“P—Jamie!” I called. He waded back toward me. “I’m starting to think my name is Pajamie.” “Your name should be Pajerky. You said it wasn’t deep.” “Pajerky?” He gave me a skeptical look. “That’s Pathetic.” “We’ll see how smug you are once I’m on dry land.”

“I hadn’t gone to Andover, or Horace Mann or Eton. My high school had been the average kind, and I’d been the best student there. Such was not the case at Eli. Here, I was surrounded by geniuses. I’d figured out early in my college career that there were people like Jenny and Brandon and Lydia and Josh—truly brilliant, truly luminous, whose names would appear in history books that my children and grandchildren would read, and there were people like George and Odile—who through beauty and charm and personality would make the cult of celebrity their own. And then there were people like me. People who, through the arbitrary wisdom of the admissions office, might share space with the big shots for four years, might be their friends, their confidantes, their associates, their lovers—but would live a life well below the global radar. I knew it, and over the years, I’d come to accept it.And I understood that it didn’t make them any better than me.”

“Why was he here? Why was he always, always, always around? Didn’t he have a life? Didn’t he have anything better to do?”

“This whole time, I wasn't waiting for something in particular. Just someone who wanted me.Not sex.But me.”

“Kai held firm to her with one hand, and pointed up with the other. 'I can see them, Elliot. I can see them all. In the night, in the day, through clouds and storms and the setting sun.'She stared at him in wonder. This was his miracle, and he was sharing it with her. 'Thank you,' she said, 'for coming back for me.''Elliot.' He bent his head close to hers, and looked deep into her eyes. His gaze was no longer strange to her. He was just her Kai, the man he'd been born to become. 'No matter where I went, I always knew my way back to you. You are my compass star.'And he was hers.”

“No matter where I went, I always knew my way back to you. You are my compass star.”

“Come with me, Elliot. I have wanted to ask you for weeks, but I have waited, out of fear and doubt and the belief that it’s nothing but my own selfishness that wants you with me. I wrestled with this, and chance after chance passed me by. I can’t afford to lose this one.Please accept. This time, please accept.And please believe that no matter what, I am, ever,YourKai”

“I can wait in silence no longer, but I’m afraid I’m already too late. I am trapped between agony and hope—believing I have no right to speak, but knowing more how much I’d regret it if I did not. Tell me I’m not wrong. Tell me that, this time, you will accept my offer. Because I’m making it again. I want you with me, Elliot. It’s all I have ever wanted. I offer you everything I have—my world, my ship, my self—perhaps they will be enough to replace what I know you would be giving up if you came with me.”

“Look at us. You look like death, my friend, and I’m sure I do, too. We’ll never stop blaming ourselves. I guess that’s the price of love?”

“The old poems said that lovers were made for each other. But that wasn't true for Kai and Elliot. They hadn't been made for each other at all—quite the opposite. But they'd grown together, the two of them, until they were like two trees from a single trunk, stronger together than either could have been alone.”

“Three syllables and three thousand memories.”

“Hey,” he pulled away and put his hand on my face. “What are you thinking about?”“Your butt,” I admitted.”

“You should know you're exactly the person you think you are.”

“In every letter, in every line, she saw him. He hadn't changed - he'd only grown into the man he'd meant to be.”

“One never notices how nice it is to be worshipped until one has fallen from grace,”

“Why the coy drama? I want him and he wants me; who needs subtext?”

“She could smell the sea in the air, but more than that, she could smell the scent of the grass as it awoke from its winter slumber. She could hear the sound of crickets as they sang to the emerging stars. It was springtime on the North Island. It was springtime for the world.”

“I want to take their money and let them build their ship and get off my land. That’s all I want.”“Good to know,” said a voice above her head.Elliot and Dee looked up, and there, shadowed against the light from the swinging sun-lamps, stood Kai.”

“Kai whirled around and his face was sadowed by the angle of the sun. Still, she knew his tone. Anger. “What’s so funny? That our project has been set back several says? That we’re stuck here longer? That you take a little spill from a horse and everyone wants to rearrange the world so you don’t suffer a moment of inconvenience?”“No,” she said, and her voice was even. “That I would wait a month in agony just to hear you insult me. I’m a miserable girl indeed, don’t you think?”

“Gordian pays you to sleep with unicorn hunters. That's the definition of a whore.”

“Envy hurt exponentially more than heartbreak because your soul was torn in two, half soaring with happiness for another person, half mired in a well of selfpityand pain.”

“I have only this cave to call my own.”

“How do you know you're in love?" I asked her. "Because if it's determined by how willing you are to give up everything for the other person, I think it's a flawed system.”

“I think it's vital that we do not sleep together. You know, for the safety of the world." His eyes sparkled and there was just a hint of a smile at the corners of his mouth."Okay," I said, and smiled back at him. "But kissing is allowed, right?""Oh, definitely," he said, pulling me close. "After all, the warrior always wins the heart of the fair young...man.”

“I found the hum of his computer rather soothing, but it was the complete lack of unicorn carcasses that really pulled the room together.”

“Amazing how being bathed in arterial blood can wash out any lingering romantic disappointments.”

“Ti voglio bene..... It means everything. It means I love you. It means I want you. It means I want you to be okay. It means everything.”

“I don’t do drugs, I’ve never been arrested, and from what I hear, I’m not too shabby in bed. Not that any of you people will ever have the opportunity to discover that first-hand!”

“There was that word again.Mature. Was this what maturity was? Giving up on the things we wanted because we knew we’d never get them?”

“Sometimes you met someone that changed the pattern, who wormed their way past the cracks in your heart, caulked them up, sealed themselves in, and stayed there. Sometimes they did it by insisting you meet them at every step, as Jamie had done to me.”

“The world changes. Now, one needs no army and no sword to conquer the world.”

“Does P-Jamie... like me?"Malcolm blinked. This was clearly not the kind of dirt he'd been expecting."I mean,like me, like me." I clarified quickly. "What are you? Twelve?" he asked, incredulous."You aren't supposed to make fun of me!" I scolded."You never said you were going to act like a teenybopper. That's a special circumstance. Any judge would agree.""Fine." I started to rise. "Like I said, forget I asked.""Wait, Amy. Sit down," he said with a sigh. Malcolm was leaning his fits against the wood, staring down at his knuckles. I sat. "What?"He didn't look up. "This is all just between us, right?""Yeah.""I wouldn't say he likes you.""Oh." Oh. Of course not. How stupid of me. How ridiculous, really-"He's pretty much in love with you.”

“Poe was standing on the border of the clearing, acting most peculiarly. He took a few steps toward the cabin, the paused, shook his head, and marched back out. He repeated the move a few times before stomping off for good.I stood at the window, confused as hell. Why in the wild... and then it hit me, way, way harder than the water when I'd fallen off the boat.Poe liked me.”

“[Poe] started to turn away, the stopped, smiled a little, ducked his head, and reached into his back pocket. "Amy, here." He tossed me a small package. "Just in case."I looked down at my hand.Life savers.”

“Brandon was a natural at whatever he put his mind to. It was one of the things that made him so attractive. That and his complete lack of pretense. He was brilliant, but didn't brag, popular, but not cliquish, comfortable in his skin, and utterly forthright about his needs and desires.”

“Brandt and a couch-or worse, an empty master bedroom-were a very bad combo. He morphed from vaguely risque fling to bad-boy octopus man whenever he was in the vicinity of any marginally promising flat surface.”

“Unicorns are man-eating monsters. They don't have wings, they aren't lavender or sparkly, and you could never catch one to ride without its goring you through the sternum. And even if it somehow managed to miss your major arteries-and it never misses-you'd still die from the deadly poison in its horn.”

“I can't pretend this isn't important. I can't act like it doesn't exist. It's ironic, but true. There are a lot of things I'm really good at keeping secret. But I've learned I'm not too good at that with you. I can't pull it off. I don't want to just hook up. I don't want a secret relationship.""Well, that's a relief," I said, grabbing for both of his hands and holding on for dear life.Doubt started giving way to recognition, but he needed to hear it. "Why's that?""Because I'm really sick of secrets.”

“And put myself in the hands of total strangers?"She snapped the lid shut, "What do you take me for? Of course I checked out their stories. I am a researcher, you know. They are who they say they are, and their stories are verifiable. You have nothing to fear. I wouldn't put my daughter in any danger.""Any danger!" I cried. "what do you call hunting unicorns? Big, sharp horns; fangs..." And those were just the goat-sized ones."I call it your birthright." Lilith stood tall. "Honey, I know you've been down ever since that stupid boy broke up with you but this is about more than a prom date. Don't you realize that? You have a destiny. Most people would kill for something like that."If Lilith and this Cornelius guy had their way with me at this boot camp, I was going to kill.”