Elle Casey

“Our chances of survival were entirely dependent on our ability and willingness to dominate others.”

“Chust a little farther.   Keep your shoes on.”Peter whispered to me.   “Where does he get this stuff, anyway?   Isn’t it pants?   Aren’t we supposed to keep our pants on?” “Maybe for Bodo shoes are more important.   Maybe it’s a German thing.” “You know, Chermans can hear very good.   You are talking about me not very nice, I know it.” “We were just talking about your creative colloquialisms,” said Peter. I had no idea what that word meant, but it was fun to mess with Bodo, which is exactly what Peter was trying to do.   “Is dat like a fucktart?” “What?” asked Peter, half choking. “Fucktart.   Dat’s a new word I learned today.   Isn’t it a good one?” “I told you before, Bodo,” I said, “it’s not fucktart.   It’s fucktard.   And you were right before.   It’s not a nice word, so stop saying it.” “I didn’t say fucktart.   Dat was you.   You are the lady saying all the fucktart words today.   Or moron.   She likes dat one, too.   I think it means boy I luff.” “Wow.   You guys have one of the most messed up relationships I have ever seen,” said Peter, shaking his head.   “Seriously.   You fight to lighten the mood.   You call each other names …” “And we take showers togedder sometimes. Don’t forget dat.” “Shut up, Bodo!” “You do?   Ew.   That’s a public shower, you know.” “We do not take showers together.” “Yesss weeee doooo … ” “One time!   Okay?   One time.   And it’ll never happen again, I can promise you that.” “I can promise you different!” said Bodo in a singsong voice.”

“Dat means you like me.   A lot.” “Yeah, it does.”   Captain obvious. “So dat means I’m Mr. Bryn.” “Whatever you say.” “Oh.   Whatever I say?   You want me to be da boss?   Because dat’s not a problem at all.   I like to be da boss of you.” “No,” I said, putting on and zipping up my shorts, “you are not the boss of me.   I’m the boss of me and you.”He frowned.   “Dat’s not fair.   I want to be da boss of something.” “You can be the boss of Buster.” “No, not da dog.   Dat’s not da boss of anything, really.” “Fine.   You can be the boss of … I don’t know.   Kissing.” Bodo stopped putting on his shirt, his eyes taking on a special gleam, making me almost regret I had said it.”

“Don’t worry.   Your knight in shining armor will arrive someday.   And when he does, I know he’ll not only be totally adorable, but he’ll be a good cuddler, too.   I’ll bet Trip is a horrible cuddler.”   I narrowed my eyes at the offender, ignoring his amazing body in favor of his imagined snuggling crimes. “Yeah,” said Peter, gamely.   “He probably just lays there and expects to be the cuddlee all the time and not the cuddler.” “You are so right.   Just look at him.   I’ll bet you twenty bucks he’s a cover-stealer, too.” “Not that twenty bucks means anything, since bills are only good for feeding fires right now, but yeah.   I get it.   I’ll bet you a can of beans he’s a cover-stealer.” “A can of beans and a bag of chips,” I countered. “Whoa.   That’s serious.   A bag of chips?   Really?” “What’s serious?” asked Kowi, coming up from behind and scaring both of us enough to make us jump. “Uh … nothing?” I said, looking sheepish.”

“I think he likes you.” I watched Paci join the others, noticing that he was still glancing at me occasionally, and watching other guys who were looking over at Peter and me.   “Really?” “Yeah.   He keeps watching you.   Once he heard Bodo wasn’t your boyfriend, he was all over that.” I sighed.   “Shit.” “Yeah.   Exactly.   You’d better not go around advertising you’re single.   There’s not a hell of a lot of available jawbreakers if you know what I mean.” My mind raced with the implications.   It was stupid of me not to have been thinking about all this stuff before.   I guess I was so wrapped up in finding food to eat, a place to live, and companions who wouldn’t eat me, I hadn’t much considered the other human needs, other than on the most basic level.   God, I hope there are no rapists in this group.   The last thing I wanted to do was kill a guy in the swamp.”

“Buster went bananas, running over to Paci and jumping up on his legs, begging for attention.   Paci didn’t disappoint him, either.   He bent down and baby-talked with Buster, like he was an old hand at it.   I smiled in amusement.   Paci was no wimp.   He was almost as big as Bodo and ripped to the max.   He had zero body fat, so Peter and I were able to admire his every muscle, which I noticed Peter was doing with unabashed curiosity.   I caught his attention and raised my eyebrows at him in a conspiratorial message of mutual admiration.   He smiled in return, giving me a pitiful wink that made him look like he had something stuck in both eyes.   It made me laugh. Paci looked up at me.   “Something strike you as funny?” “Yeah.   You baby-talking to a nude poodle.”

“Maybe he used to like me, but I doubt he does anymore, now that I’ve insulted his bird fetish.” Peter smiled.   “He’s not going to stop liking you over one little argument.   I don’t think he’s the type to just fall for someone and then hate them the next day.   We don’t live in that kind of world anymore, anyway.” “What do you mean?”   “Well, when there were thousands of possible mates to choose from, it was like being a huge candy store with a billion types of sugary things to choose from.   You could sample one of everything and not worry about whether you’d like it much or whatever, because there was always another jar of candy nearby.   But now, there’s no candy store.   There’s a single jawbreaker that you found in the gutter.   And there are no more jawbreaker factories.   No more candy stores.   No more refined sugar.   That one jawbreaker you found could be the only one you’ll ever have again.   You aren’t going to just eat it and say goodbye.” His analogy wasn’t perfect but I saw where he was going with it.   “So I’m like a jawbreaker.   A dirty one you find in the gutter.” “Yeah.   And he likes that candy.   It’s his favorite.   So he doesn’t care that it has smelly feet.” I scowled at him.   “How do you know he likes jawbreakers so much?” “I just know.   I can tell a good match when I see one.   He needs someone spunky and tough, someone different than other girls.   That’s you.” I smiled, liking how Peter had described me.   “But what if he just decides to eat it real quick and then move on?   I mean, there are other jawbreakers out there.   They’re just more rare.” “That’s not how he is.   He’s methodical.   A thinking person.   He’s not rash. And he knows his odds of finding a jawbreaker of this flavor?   Are pretty slim.” “I’ve seen him do some stupid, rash things … like going after the candy at the Cracker Barrel.” “That was all a very carefully-crafted way of making sure he had a good grip on his jawbreaker.   He wants to keep the candy happy.   Keep it sweet.” I rolled my eyes.   “Ugh.   Your analogy is making me want to eye gouge you right now.”

“Nefarious purposes translation: For disgusting demon sex and the birth of the Devil incarnate. Nice.”

“As my lawyer dad would say, I had breached a contract with the devil.”

“Denial does not change reality for everyone else. Only for the one denying and those who are foolish enough to believe the fantasy.”

“Shee-it, you people have all the fun. You guys are givin' people strokes and havin' sex parties and doin' rescues while I'm off gallivantin' in the forest, shootin' at some stupid dang targets.”

“We will never speak of your cadaverous girlfriend or murderous ways ever again.”

“I was leaving nothing to chance, and literally refused to be caught unarmed with my pants down.”

“What in the hell was that supposed to be? What are you...a Ninja Turtle?”

“Excuse me while I go bleach my face.”

“Holy mackerel, mother of baby fishes, is that a bed?”

“How dare he have such a stinky crotch.”

“Fuck balls, it's the bitch in the lake!”

“It's not every day that I spoke to a totally hot naked man who I was getting read to expose my parts to--and piss on.”

“Jayne, do NOT wiz on the werewolves.”

“Might as well pee on 'em, I decided.”

“Get your ass back on the tree, Jayne, I just lost the mojo.”

“Maybe you're not doing it right""I wasn't aware there was a technique to tree hugging.”

“You can watch me pee! It's okay! Here look, I'm peeing! I'm peeing! You can stop uprooting yourself.”