Ellen DeGeneres

“People have become so accustomed to texting that they're actually startled when the phone rings. It's like we suddenly all have Bat-phones. If it rings, there must be danger.”

“I am saddened by how people treat one another and how we are so shut off from one another and how we judge one another, when the truth is, we are all one connected thing. We are all from the same exact molecules.”

“The word "yoga" literally means "uniting", because when you're doing it you are uniting your mind and your body. You can tell this almost immediately because your mind will be thinking, "Ouch, that hurts," and your body will say, "I know." And your mind will think, "You have to get out of this position." And your body will say, "I agree with you, but I can't right now. I think I'm stuck.”

“I get those fleeting, beautiful moments of inner peace and stillness - and then the other 23 hours and 45 minutes of the day, I'm a human trying to make it through in this world.”

“Here are the values that I stand for: honesty, equality, kindness, compassion, treating people the way you want to be treated and helping those in need. To me, those are traditional values.”

“I stand for honesty, equality, kindness, compassion, treating people the way you want to be treated & helping those in need. To me, those are traditional values. That's what I stand for.”

“Actually this is really funny - one time she accidentally forgot to leave a note and I had no idea she had even moved. I was living in the house with a beautiful Mexican family for three months before I realized they weren't my cousins visiting from out of town. They were so nice. They called me "Quien es, quien es," which I thought was a beautiful name.”

“I think beauty comes from actually knowing who you are. That's real beauty to me.”

“I prefer to believe that people are good and honest and respect me enough to tell me the truth. It's not easy to find those people all the time, but they're out there.”

“That's what life is all about. There's a lot of crying. So you'd better cry now and get used to it.”

“I personally like being unique. I like being my own person with my own style and my own opinions and my own toothbrush.”

“Do you feel insecure because you keep getting the nagging feeling that you're not that smart? Well, I've got good news for you, my friend. You have no need to be insecure. That nagging feeling is absolutely right on target. You are not that smart. But I have more good news for you. You are also not alone.”

“Some people believe that to find happiness, you should live each day of your life as if it's your last because that way you will appreciate every single moment you have. Other people believe that you should live each day as if it's your first because then every day can be the beginning of a new journey.”

“True beauty is about who you are as a human being, your principles, your moral compass.”

“You just have to keep driving down the road. It's going to bend and curve and you'll speed up and slow down, but the road keeps going.”

“I wonder what will happen if i put a hand cream on my feet, will they get confused and start clapping?”

“Way, way back in the day, like in the 1990s, if you wanted to tell everyone you ate waffles for breakfast, you couldn’t just go on the Internet and tweet it out. There was only one way to do it. You had to go outside and scream at the top of your lungs, 'I ate waffles for breakfast!' That’s why so many people ended up in institutions. They seemed crazy, but when you think about it, they were just ahead of their time.”

“Haters are my motivators”

“When I look back on the stuff I used to wear, I wonder why somebody didn't try to stop me. Just a friendly warning, "You may regret this," would have been fine.”

“There are all sorts of books offering advice on how to deal with life-threatening situations, but where's the advice on dealing with embarrassing ones?”

“Though you feel you're not where you're suppose to be, you shouldn't worry because that next turn that you take, it will lead you to where you wanna go.”

“Now,I'm no scientist,but I know what endorphins are. They're tiny little magical elves that swim through your blood stream and tell funny jokes to each other. When they reach your brain,you hear what they're saying and that boosts your health and happiness. "Knock Knock... Who's There?.. Little endorphin... Little endorphin who?... Little Endorphin Annie." And then the endorphins laugh and then you laugh. See? Its Science.”

“Life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy by yourself and for yourself. Happiness comes from within. You have the power to change your own mindset so that all the negative, horrible thoughts that try to invade your psyche are replaced with happy, positive, wonderful thoughts.”

“I still get scared at night. Every tiny creak, every little noise, I open my eyes real wide and listen with them. Have you noticed that? When it’s dark and you can’t see a thing, you open your eyes really wide and glance back and force, like your eyes become your ears?”

“Contribute to the world. Help people. Help one person. Help someone cross the street today. Help someone with directions unless you have a terrible sense of direction. Help someone who is trying to help you. Just help. Make an impact. Show someone you care. Say yes instead of no. Say something nice. Smile. Make eye contact. Hug. Kiss. Get naked.”

“I'm just saying we can all work on our manners. We can say please and thank you. We can be punctual. We can just be nicer to one another. It's something we have in our power to do. It reminds me of that Margaret Mead quote: "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has.”

“Who's to say what's better or worse anyway? Who's to even say what's normal or average? We're all different people and we're allowed to be different from on another. If someone ever says you're weird, say thank you. And then curtsy. No, don't curtsy. That might be too weird. Bow. And tip your imaginary hate. That'll show them.”

“I cannot believe they haven't yet come up with a better screening process than the mammogram. If a man had to put his special parts inside a clamp to test him for anything, I think they would come up with a new plan before the doctor finished saying, "Put that thing there so I can crush it.”

“So be who you really are. Embrace who you are. Literally. Hug yourself. Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.”

“Our flaws are what makes us human. If we can accept them as part of who we are, they really don't even have to be an issue.”

“Things will get easier, people's minds will change, and you should be alive to see it.”

“Quick decision makers are often stuck behind annoying people in line at Starbucks.”

“The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy for yourself and yourself.”

“My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the colada.”

“It makes a big difference in your life when you stay positive.”

“It's failure that gives you the proper perspective on success.”

“When you take risks you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important.”

“Beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. It's about knowing and accepting who you are.”

“Above all things physical, it is more important to be beautiful on the inside - to have a big hear and an open mind and a spectacular spleen.”

“True beauty is not related to what color your hair is or what color your eyes are. True beauty is about who you are as a human being, your principles, your moral compass.”

“It always helps to think about other people instead of ourselves.”

“The problem with labels is that they lead to stereotypes and stereotypes lead to generalizations and generalizations lead to assumptions and assumptions lead back to stereotypes. It’s a vicious cycle, and after you go around and around a bunch of times you end up believing that all vegans only eat cabbage and all gay people love musicals.”

“If we don’t want to define ourselves by things as superficial as our appearances, we’re stuck with the revolting alternative of being judged by our actions.”

“I was raised around heterosexuals, as all heterosexuals are, that's where us gay people come from... you heterosexuals.”

“Never follow anyone else's path, unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.”

“Start thinking positively. You will notice a difference. Instead of 'I think I'm a loser,' try 'I definitely am a loser.' Stop being wishy-washy about things! How much more of a loser can you be if you don't even know you are one? Either you are a loser or you are not. Which is it, stupid?”

“Emote. It's okay. It shows you are thinking and feeling.”

“What’s not so great is that all this technology is destroying our social skills. Not only have we given up on writing letters to each other, we barely even talk to each other. People have become so accustomed to texting that they’re actually startled when the phone rings. It’s like we suddenly all have Batphones. If it rings, there must be danger. Now we answer, “What happened? Is someone tied up in the old sawmill?”“No, it’s Becky. I just called to say hi.”“Well you scared me half to death. You can’t just pick up the phone and try to talk to me like that. Don’t the tips of your fingers work?”

“Why is it that when you wipe up dust its called dusting but when you wipe up a spill its not called spilling? Just something to think about.”

“Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.”