Emo Philips

“Some mornings it's just not worth it to chew through the leather straps.”

“I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.”

“I'm not a fatalist; even if I were, what could I do about it?”

“You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.”

“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.”