George Burns

“Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.”

“I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.”

“I'd rather be a failure in something that I love than a success in something that I hate.”

“ Щастието? Добра пура, добра храна и добра жена - или пък лоша жена. Всичко зависи от това колко щастие може да понесеш.”

“I thought to myself, 'why not write a bestseller?' In the first place, more people buy them and more people read them. You make more money and it doesn’t take any more time to write a bestseller than it does to write a book nobody buys.”

“No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.”

“Money is the root of all evil.' Then we hear, 'A fool and his money are soon parted.' What are they talking about? If money is so evil, shouldn't it be, 'A wise man and his money are soon parted'? And another thing, how does a fool get money in the first place? I know some fools who have a lot of money, but they won't tell me how they got it, and I won't tell them.”

“Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist. ”

“Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.”

“You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.”

“I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.”

“Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up. ”

“I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.”

“Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made. ”

“Sincerity - if you can fake that, you've got it made.”

“If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age. ”

“You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.”

“Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth.”

“The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.”

“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”

“Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.”

“I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.”

“Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.”

“I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy than a success at something I hate. ”

“Young. Old. Just Words.”

“Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.”

“Say Goodnight Gracie.”

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”

“When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.”