Gina Damico

“What happened to YOU old partner?" Lex asked him. "Suicide I take it?"He frowned. "Worse - business school. Can you believe it? Two years of Croak, then one day the kid decided he wants to be the next Donald Trump. So we threw him in a car, dropped him off near Woodstock and now he think he spent the past two years in a drug-addled haze at some hippie commune.”

“A crash of cymbals exploded in her ear. She opened her eyes to behold Driggs clanging them vigorously, a mischievous grin on his face and a large bruise surrounding his eye."I hope, for the sake of your fertility, you're wearing a cup," she warned through clenched teeth.""Come on," he said, jumping onto to the mattress. "It's time for work."Lex moaned. "How are you so awake already?""If you recall, I eat a lot of chocolate.”

“The boy took a step toward her. Lex jumped back, her contentious instincts kicking in. "Stop right there," she warned. "I punch, I kick, and I feel compelled to warn you, I can bite harder than the average Amazonian crocodile."He smirked and leaned against the doorframe. "And I feel compelled to warn YOU that the bathroom we now share has a leaky ceiling," he said, pointing up. "There's an umbrella under the sink, if you're going to be in here for a while.”

“And what in the name of all this is disturbing did you mean when you said you're going to teach me how to Kill people?"He snickered. "You didn't really think you were going to spend the whole summer milking cows, did you?”

“Hey there cutie," he said. "What's your name?"Lex rolled her eyes and turned toward the window. "Kill me.""Kimmy? I'm Steve," he went on undeterred."Cram it, Steve”

“But they were her parents! Putting up with all of her crap was their official job - they couldn't wriggle out of it! She tried to swallow the lump forming in her throat. How could they do this to her?”

“Broccoli spaceship. Broccoli SPACESHIP!”

“She wished, as almost all kids wish at one point or another, that she could turn into a pterodactyl and fly away and never come back.”

“Just because it’s the biggest secret in the history of the world doesn’t make it any less true.”

“Let me go!" She tore off a mirror and brandished it in his face. "I mean it! I don't want to go to your godforsaken hellbarn, you retarded psycho farmer!”

“Ah, bribery." He grinned at his niece. "is there anything it can't do?”

“Momentarily forgetting how wind works, Lex tried spitting at him. This failed”

“Seriously?" she said with a glance of skepticism. Driggs and this nerdlinger? "You guys are best friends?"Ferbus looked up briefly to give her a smug look. "We prefer the term heterosexual life mates.”

“Should she go on? Or drop it? Maybe this was one of those things that people should keep to themselves, like a hatred of baby pandas or a passion for polka music. Everyone needs a secret or two.”

“Life isn't fair. Why should death be any different?”

“He exuded the air of someone who hated this earth and everything on it and would be much happier if it just broke free of its orbit and hurled itself into the sun.”

“Let me tell you something right now, something that I don't want you ever to forget: Starbucks is an abomination."Lex was speechless. She now believed that there was no way in a million years this man could possibly be a blood relative.”

“The list of scars my students have sustained at the hand of your daughter grows longer each week. Poor Logan Hochspring's arm will forever carry an imprint of her dental records!""You bit him?" Lex's father said."He called me a wannabe vampire. What was I supposed to do?""Oh, I don't know--maybe not bite him?”

“For a moment she could have sworn she was standing in one of those history-comes-alive museums--the kind that feature animatronic robots, the narration stylings of James Earl Jones, and the sort of exhibits that invade children's nightmares for years to come. But instead of a cyborgish John Wilkes Booth discharging his deadly bullet into the back of a plastic Lincoln's head, a very real version of the assassin was engaged in a furious arm-wrestling match with Elvis Presley.Lincoln was watching the tussle, amused. "Come on, John," he said. "You can do better than that.""He's all talk," Elvis whispered back."Silence!" roared Booth. "I'm trying to concentrate!"Lincoln rolled his eyes.”