Graham Chapman

“Sir Beldevere: What makes you think she's a witch? Peasant 3: Well, she turned me into a newt! Sir Beldevere: A newt? Peasant 3: [meekly after a long pause] ... I got better. Crowd: [shouts] Burn her anyway! ”

“Matter is energy. In the universe, there are many energy fields which we cannot normally perceive. Some energies have a spiritual source which act upon a person's soul. However, this soul does not exist ab initio, as orthodox Christianity teaches. It has to be brought into existence by a process of guided self-observation. However, this is rarely achieved, owing to man's unique ability to be distracted from spiritual matters by everyday trivia.”

“Dennis the Peasant: Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony. Arthur: Be quiet! Dennis: You can't expect to wield supreme power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!”

“Camelot is a silly place.”

“When danger reared its ugly head, He bravely turned his tail and fled.”

“We are no longer the knights who say Ni! We are now the knights who say ekki-ekki-ekki-pitang-zoom-boing!”

“She turned me into a newt.... But I got better...”

“I am known by many names, but you may call me...Tim.”

“Always look on the bright side of life.”

“Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Know what I mean?”

“I fart in your general direction.”

“Exploding is a perfectly normal medical phenomenon.”

“Tis but a scratch!""A scratch? Your arm's off!""No it isn't.""Then what's that?""Oh come on, pansy!”

“Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?”

“One, two, ... five!""Three, my lord.”

“I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.”