Hannah Harrington

“Boys. I will never understand them. Not even the gay ones.”

“We've been caught in a wildly passionate, completely one-sided affair since freshman year.”

“All of them are the same type; girls with overprocessed hair and too much makeup and way too much access to Daddy’s credit cards. Girls who, if you took away the designer labels, hair dye and cover-up, wouldn’t be more than average-looking, but with all that stuff look too plastic to be pretty.”

“I use the time to finish reading Of Mice and Men, which turns out to be just as awful as I thought it would be. I hate stories with dead puppies. So depressing.”

“-You were in jail? What was it like?-Boring.Dirty.Smelled like ass.”

“What’s important is the time we spent working on it together. What’s important is that Sam is the kind of guy who will trade notes on a sketchpad and teach me how to make tuna melts and drop everything to drive to a parking lotwhen I need him and throw stones at my window to make sure I’m okay.”

“Hate is...it's too easy," he says. His face calm, calmer than it has any right to be, his eyes not wavering from mine, like he's so completely sure of what he's saying. "Love. Love takes courage.”

“I walk to my car without looking back, and as I drive away, I'm hit with a sudden wave of sadness. But it's a distant kind of sad - like when you look at your Barbies and realize you don't want to play with them anymore, because you're growing up and you've moved on, and in your heart you know it's time to make room for other things.”

“It's like what those cheesy action-movie heros always say before they finish taking out the bad guys: I started this, and I'm going to finish it. Except even in the movie of my own life, I've never been the heroine. I've never been Action Girl. I've only ever been Kristen's supporting character.”

“Therapy is my mother's solution to everything. I'm sure she thinks there'd be peace in the Middle East if every country were forced to sit down on a stiff leather couch with a box of Kleenex and talk about their feeeeelings.”

“He winks at me, and the surge of butterflies in my stomach is so strong I think I may throw up right there. I need something to calm my nerves. The most obvious remedy is more alcohol. They don't call it liquid courage for nothing.”

“Also, tonight he reeks too much of beer and cloying cologne. This is a disappointment because I always assumed that a perfect creature such as Brendon would smell of spring rain and mountain bresses and other heavenly aromas.”

“The truth is, the person I’ve been hating more than anyone is myself. It is so easy. So easy to look in the mirror at all my imperfections and think of all the ways I fall short of someone...”

“Hate is... It's too easy. Love. Love takes courage.”

“Awesome.""Awesome squared.""Awesome cubed.""Awesome to the power of infinity.""The square root of awesome is-""-Asha." We finish at the same time and laugh.”

“Running my mouth has hurt enough people already - the least I can do is to shut up.”

“I'm an expert at finding out secrets, but keeping them- especially a secret of this magnitude - is something else.”

“Keeping secrets isn't my specialty.”

“I already told you, I'm not gonna subscribe to your stupid magazine!' she yells.'We're not selling anything,' Jake calls back. 'We just came to see my favorite chula this side of the Mississippi.'The girl pauses and shields her eyes to get a better look. 'Jacob? That you?''In the flesh,' he confirms with a broad grin.”

“She does know we're coming, right?' I ask.'Well...' He hems and haws a bit. 'Not exactly.'Laney immediately smacks the back of his head. 'Jake! You mean we're showing up unannounced? That is so rude!''What if she isn't there? What are we going to do?' I smack him once, too, for good measure. 'What is *wrong* with you?''Can we please stop with the abuse?”

“I may have at some point referred to him as a douche nozzle.”

“Seth says, and I quote,'Jake is an idiot”

“Google is so my bitch”

“I love the way he says my name, like it’s something he wants to keep safe.”

“I guess that’s the thing about riding on cloud nine—it can’t last forever. And that particular fall was hard and fast.”

“I don’t want to be so scared all the time. So alone. I want to believe something can be worth it. Worth the pain. Worth the risk.”

“But even though I know my flaws are many (many many many), and there are always ways I could be better, and I should never stop working for that—I also need to give myself a break. I can cut myself some slack sometimes. Because I’m a work in progress. Because nobody is perfect. At least I acknowledge the mistakes I’ve made, and am making. At least I’m trying. That means something, doesn’t it?And just because I have room for improvement doesn’t mean I’m worthless, or that I have nothing to offer to, like, the world.”

“Hate is easy, but love takes courage.”

“I'm sorry. For everything I did. For everything I didn't. I wish you were here. I know it's not enough, but I guess this is the closest I am going to get, to saving you.”

“People like that? People who don't want to be found? They're usually really good at staying lost.”

“Not every day hurts. Not every breath hurts. Maybe that's all we can really ask for.”

“Jake shuts the van's back doors and lies down next to me. He's really close, so close I can feel him breathing on the nape of my neck. I could put more space between us, but instead I scoot backward, leaning into him, my back pressed into the pleasant warmth of his front. Jake holds his breath for a moment, but he doesn't say anything. And he doesn't move away.... He moves so his mouth is right under my ear, brushing the skin there, and one of his hands slides up, resting on my rib cage. My whole body tingles as he starts to sing softly into my ear.”

“It seems so impossible that someone could look at [Andy and Noah], see how plainly they care for each other, and find anything ugly or shameful or worthy of hatred in it, when all I see is something beautiful.”

“You can be surrounded by people and still be lonely. You can be the most popular person in school, envied by every girl and wanted by every boy, and still feel completely worthless. The world can be laid at your feet and you can still not know what you want from it.”

“I want the faith that there will be some kind of an answer, something more than these endless questions taking up so much space in my head, this feeling that nothing matters and nothing has a point.”

“He is such a dork. It's sort of endearing.”

“Are you kidding? This is perfect! This is exactly what we've been hoping for! He has everything we need."Okay, I'll admit. Turning it down does feel a little like kicking God in the balls.”

“You know, just because you think bubblegum pop on the radio represents all that is wrong with society, that doesn’t mean there’s not someone out there who needs that shitty pop song. Maybe that shitty pop song makes them feel good, about themselves and the world. And as long as that shitty pop song doesn’t infringe upon your rights to rock out to, I don’t know, Subway Sect, or Siouxsie and the Banshees, or whichever old-ass band it is you worship, then who cares?”

“I'm not saying he was, like, crying tears of man pain over the phone, but he sounded upset.”

“June is gone. For the first time, the enormity of that hits me. Every muscle aches, my heart most of all. I am throbbing with how much I miss her. It hurts worse than anything. I don't know how I'm supposed to be expected to live day to day carrying this kind of pain. I don't know how I'm supposed to go out there, spread her ashes, and let her go.I want to stop running away from everything.I want to find something to run toward.”

“And even if we did, which we didn't, it's none of your business.""Okay.""I just wanted you to know.""Okay.""If you say okay one more time, I'm going to punch you in the solar plexus."His eyebrows jump. "The solar plexus, huh?""Yes," I say. "I'm not exactly sure where that is, but I will find out. And then I will punch you there. Hard.”

“Stupid bitch," he spits, and that's when I mentally punch him in the face.Except it isn't just mentally—it's for real, my closed fist is actually moving. It hits him square in the nose with a sickening crunch."Oh my God," Laney breathes from behind me."Oh my God," Jake says from the floor.My eyes widen. "Oh my God.”

“Maybe Laney's right. Maybe June did love me. But I'm far less certain that she knew I loved her. Did she realise how much I needed her around? It's not like I ever told her. I was too wrapped up in my own world to notice what was going on in hers. Even if she did know, it wasn't enough to count. It wasn't enough to make her stay. So really, what did it matter, in the end?The bottom line is, it's my fault. I didn't love her enough. I didn't do enough. I wasn't enough. There's no excuse. There is nothing that will ever make that okay.”

“I don't know what I believe anymore. If God does exist, then He's just an asshole, creating this world full of human suffering and letting all these terrible things happen to good people, and sitting there and doing nothing about it. At June's memorial service, a few people came up to me and said some really stupid things, like how everything happens for a reason, and God never gives us more than we can handle. All I could think was, does that mean if I was a weaker person, this never would've happened? Am I seriously supposed to buy that June's death was part of some stupid divine plan? I don't believe that. I can't. It just doesn't make sense.”

“We should go swimming," Anna says, out of the blue. (...)Danny looks at her like she just suggested knocking over the closest liquor store. Which wouldn't be such a bad idea, on second thought, considering how fast Laney, Seth and Anna are working through the tequila bottle. "Uh sure, if catching pneumonia's your idea of a fun time. I don't want to freeze my balls off. I'm rather attached to them. Literally and figuratively.”

“Seth turns to Laney and I. "Three months ago, I'm in Detroit protesting a free trade conference, right? Some pig shoves me, I go flying into another, next thing I know I'm on the ground with a Taser in my back. I get thrown in city jail, no money and one phone call. So I call Jake. You know what this fucker did? He dropped everything, drove up and bailed me out, no questions.""Like I could just leave you," Jake says. "You're too pretty. You're a delicate flower. They would've ripped you apart in there.”

“No problem. Just drop it back off before you go," he says, procuring a brass key. "And if he puts on Bowie's early stuff and starts sweet-talking, dammit, you run. You run as fast as you can.”

“All I can do is look at him. Up close, I get a better view; there's no denying the fact he is really, really good-looking, in this rakish, edgy, badass, I-just-rolled-out-of-bed-and-screw-you-I-don't-need-a-mirror kind of way.”

“It feels weird, being out in the real world again. Around people just living their lives like normal. Their presence is oppressive. The very fact that the world is going on as usual, like nothing ever happened, makes me want to scream. I know it's irrational to expect everything to grind to a halt because of June, but still. A wave of anxiety builds in my chest, my head pounding so loud it drowns out the noise of people talking and tapping away on their laptops.”

“Listen, Harper. I realize how hard this is for you."A flash of anger heats up in my chest. She doesn't understand. She can't. If she did, she'd leave me alone instead of trying to force me to talk about this.”