Harrison Geillor

“It looked like the kind of place tailor-made for fourth of July parades and speeches by local politicians and ceremonies crowning the Pig Queen or whatever they had here. The sun should have been shining and making everything look even more corny, like Pure Americana Extract....”

“I'm trying hard to be content with just knowing I'm better than everyone else, without having to demonstrate it all the time....people are much more surprised when you dislocate their shoulders or choke them unconscious or chase them down in the woods if they think you're physically graceless.”

“His attempt to manipulate his way into a car ride with me was adorable, in a way, like watching a newborn fawn try to stand up.”

“The moral complexities of vampire-human love matches made my head hurt, so I did what I always did when confronted with such a moral problem: decided morals are for losers and the weak, and, thus, utterly irrevelant for me.”

“Wikipedia says I have Antisocial Personality Disorder, which is dumb, because I'm all kids of social--I love society, society is like the ocean to my shark--and I have plenty of personality, and it's only a disorder if it messes up your life, and my life is awesome.”

“First, Edwin was a vampire.Second, he loved me--or at least thought my blood smelled delicious, which, for a vampire, was probably the next best thing.And third, I would get him to turn me into a vampire too, no matter how much scheming, manipulation, or treachery it required.”

“Besotted! What a word! I love it when you show your age....”

“Yes, but you did it all wrong. Here's the correct way: you make it look like an accident, and then, when I'm dead, you call Edwin up, in his grief, and you're there for him, you offer a consoling shoulder to cry on, you get back into his life, and you make him depend on you. You don't murder her and let the boy you like know you did it. Seriously, this is like Psychopath 101, Gretchen. You are so outclassed.”