Henny Youngman

“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”

“My grandmother is over eightyand she still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.”

“My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?”

“When you battle with your conscience and lose, you win. -Henny Youngman, comedian and violinist (1906-1998)”

“I've got all the money I'll ever need. If I die by 4:00.”

“Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.”

“Dancing on pointe...Why don't they just get taller girls?”

“„Докторът казал на един пациент, че му остават още 6 месеца жевот. Пациентът не можал да си плати сметката, и докторът му дал още 6 месеца.”

“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. ”

“A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started.”

“I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.”

“If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.”

“I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.”

“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”