Ilona Andrews

“He poked his finger into my chest again. “Well, I have something to tell you: don’t let the sun set on you in this county, because…”I grabbed his wrist and yanked him forward, tripping him with my foot. He went down back first and I caught him by his throat, three feet above the ground, lifted him up a bit and bent down to his face. My eyes glowed with murderous red. My voice turned rough with an animal growl. “Listen well, because I won’t be repeating myself, you racist prick. If you make any trouble for me or my people, I’ll hunt you down like the pig you are and carve a second mouth across your gut. They’ll find you hanging by your own intestines. The next time you hear something laugh and howl in the night, hug your family, because you won’t see the sunrise.”I opened my fingers. He crashed on the ground, his face white as a sheet. He scrambled backward, rolled to his feet, and took off.The three shapeshifters stared at me, openmouthed.“That’s how you intimidate people. No witnesses and not a mark on him. Get your asses to the car.”

“You’re the most experienced investigator I’ve got who’s not tied up in something, and I can’t ask the Consort to look look into it, because A) she and Curran are working on something else and B) when the Consort gets involved, half of the world blows up.”

“You’re touching me,” I chided him. He caressed my back, sliding his hand down, hitting every sensitive point I hadn’t even known I had. “No, this is touching you. That was just accidental contact.” “Oh? Good to know. If you touch me again and I break your arm off, you can be sure it will be completely accidental.”

“Curran and Kate stood by the door.“I can’t believe you decided to come down here and check on me,” she said.“The guy once handed you a fan and told you to fan yourself if the sight of his naked torso was too much.”“That was like a year ago. Will you let it go already?”“No.” Curran grabbed her and pulled her to him, kissing her. “Never.”She kissed him back and smiled.Awww. Kate and the Beast Lord sitting in a tree…”

“Since we’re playing that game… I tilted my face up to his and gave him a lovesick gaze.“Do you have to sneeze?” he asked.“Be quiet. I’m pretending to enjoy your company, just as you said.”“Try not to strain anything.”“Oh, I won’t. I’m very good at faking it.”That shut him up.”

“The rage of the Beast Lord was a terrible thing to behold. Some people stormed, some punched things, but Curran slipped into this icy, bone-chilling calm. His face hardened into a flat mask, and his eyes turned into a molten inferno of pure gold. If you looked at it for longer than two seconds, your muscles locked, your knees shook, and you had to fight to keep from cringing. It was easier to look at the floor,but I didn’t. Besides, he wasn’t angry with me. He wasn’t even angry with Kate. He was angry with Anapa. I had no doubt that if he could’ve gotten a hold of the god at that moment, he would’ve broken him in half.“It’s only ribs,” Kate told him. “And they’re not even broken. They are fractured.”“And the hip,” Doolittle said. “And the knee.”There you go. Don’t expect mercy from a honeybadger.“How long do you need to keep her?” Curran looked to Doolittle.“She can go to her quarters, provided she doesn’t leave them,” Doolittle said. “I can’t do anything else with the magic down. She must stay down until I can patch her up.”“She will.” Curran reached for Kate. “Hey, baby. Ready?”She nodded. Curran slid his hands under her and picked her up, gently, as if she weighed nothing.“Good?” he asked.She put her arm around him. “Never better.”

“I will devour you. I will lick your bones clean and crush them between my teeth. I will suck the marrow…”“That’s nice,” Kate said. “The shield.”

“You will not pass!” Roman thundered.Great. Now he had decided he was Gandalf.”

“I gave him my Order smile: sweet grin, hard eyes, reached over to my passenger seat, and pulled out my submachine gun. About twenty-seven inches long, the HK was my favorite toy for close-quarters combat. The rider’s eyes went wide.“This is an HK UMP submachine gun. Renowned for its stopping power and reliability. Cyclic rate of fire: eight hundred rounds per minute. That means I can empty this thirty-round clip into you in less than three seconds. At this range, I’ll cut you in half.” It wasn’t strictly true but it sounded good. “You see what it says on the barrel?”On the barrel, pretty white letters spelled out PARTY STARTER.”

“Grigorii spared a single glance in his brother’s direction. If looks were daggers, that one would’vesliced straight through the volhv’s heart. “Here it comes. ‘My oldest son . . .’”“Is a doctor,” Evdokia finished in a singsong voice. “And my daughter is an attorney.”Vasiliy raised his chin. “Jealousy is bad for you. Poisons the heart.”“Aha!” Evdokia slapped the table. “How about your youngest, the musician? How is he doing?”“Yes, what is Vyacheslav doing lately?” Grigorii asked. “Didn’t I see him with a black eye yesterday?Did he whistle a tree onto himself?”Oh boy.Curran opened his mouth. Next to him Jim shook his head. His expression looked suspiciously likefear.“He is young,” Vasiliy said.“He is spoiled rotten,” Evdokia barked. “He spends all his time trying to kill my cat. One child is adoctor, the other is an attorney, the third is a serial killer in training.”

“There are many Draculas but there is only one Vlad.”

“If a cultural reference flies over a man's head, does it make a sound if nobody else gets it.”

“Kaldar almost never stops and thinks about the consequences of his actions. Something is fun or not fun, and my brother’s fun often lands him in interesting places such as jails or castles belonging to California robber barons. Where other people see certain death, my brother sees an opportunity for a hilarious, thrilling adventure. But when I got the tattoo, Kaldar warned me that marrying her was a bad idea.”

“My tablecloth was missing in action and long, jagged scratches covered the table's surface.The scratches looked suspiciously like letters. I climbed on a chair and looked at it from above. MINE. Oh, that's great. Fantastic. So mature. Perhaps he would pull my pigtails next or stick a tack on my seat.”

“Raphael turned me over and looked at me, his face close to mine. "You and I will never be done.You're my mate."He kissed the corner of my mouth. I almost cried."I stopped sleeping since you left," he said "I'll sleep for a couple of hours, wake up, you're not there." I closed my eyes."I need an answer, Andrea," he said."An answer?""Mate. Yes or no.""Do you need to ask?" I whispered. "You're my mate.”

“Kate smirked."What?""Your horse looks pink.""So?""If you paste some stars on her butt you'll be riding My Little Pony.""Bugger off." I patted the mare's neck. "Don't listen to her, Sugar. You are the cutest horsey ever. The correct name for her color is strawberry roan, by the way.""Strawberry Shortcake, more like it. Does Strawberry Shortcake know you stole her horse? She will be berry, berry angry with you."I looked at her from under half-lowered eyelids. "I can shoot you right here, on this road, and nobody will ever find your body.”

“I was so happy to be out of there. “Barabas, if you weren’t batting for the other team, I’d marry you.”He grinned. “If I weren’t batting for the other team, I would accept your proposal." You had me at ‘No comment.’ If all my clients were this smart, my life would be much easier. Much, much easier.”

“Either you can work on both, or you can keep thinking with your balls. It's your choice. Say 'pop.'""Pop?""That was the sound of me pulling your head out of your ass. If you stick it back up there again, there is nothing I can do about it. This is the only lecture you'll ever get from me."I headed for the door.”

“A shadow crossed Andrea's face. "I don't want to be his TWT-IHFB." "What does that mean?" "That Weird Thing I Haven't Fucked Before." I choked.”

“Why could nothing with Kate be simple? Why couldn’t Jim ever just come by to tell me that he had bowled a perfect game or benched a personal best.Maybe finally asked that weird tiger girl out.”

“It seems that we had...not a better education, per se, but perhaps more incentive to use it. They learn, but they hardly think.”

“Voshak's hair, a pale blond braid, which he bleached, was his trademark. It made him memorable. That's how the slavers operated. They adopted costumes and personas, trying to make themselves larger-than-life and hoping to inspire fear. They counted on that fear. One could fight a man, but nobody could fight a nightmare.”

“Only poor people are weird. Rich people are eccentric.”

“Everyone had a weakness. It was the law of nature that for each being there was a predator, or a disease, or a vulnerability built into their very core.”

“Don't worry, he's coming with me to investigate things.""In the city?" Jim asked."Yes.""That's a great idea. You both should go. To the city."Curran and I looked at each other."He's trying to get rid of us," I said."You think he's planning a coup?" Curran wondered."I hope so." I turned to Jim. "Is there any chance you'd overthrow the tyrannical Beast Lord and his psychotic Consort?""Yeah, I want a vacation," Curran said.Jim leaned toward us and said in a lowered voice, "You couldn't pay me enough. This is your mess, you deal with it. I have enough on my plate."He walked away."Too bad," Curran said."I don't know, I think we could convince him to seize the reins of power."Curran shook his head. "Nahh. He's too smart for that.”

“I clawed my eyes open and rolled off my bed. For some reason, someone had moved the floor several feet lower than I had expected, and I fell and crashed with a thud.Ow.A blond head popped over the side of the bed, and a familiar male voice asked, “Are you okay down there?”Curran. The Beast Lord was in my bed. No, wait a minute. I didn’t have a bed, because my insane aunt had destroyed my apartment. I was mated to the Beast Lord, which meant I was in the Keep, in Curran’s rooms, and in his bed. Our bed. Which was four feet high. Right.“Kate?”“I’m fine.”“Would you like me to install one of those child playground slides for you?”

“The problem with being an alpha is that you can never make the first move.Makes you feel like you’re taking advantage of your position. You have to wait untilthe other person decides they want in.”Jim set the basket on the coffee table and crouched by me.“And sometimes it seems like that person likes you, and you try to test the waters,so you try to tell her how you feel, that she matters and that you want to be with herand you’re concerned about her safety. And every time you do that, she waves herarms around and accuses you of being a controlling alpha asshole. So you back offand hope you didn’t completely fuck it up.”He was close, too close. I just stared at him. What was happening . . . “Why areyou telling me this?”His voice was low and smooth. “That time when I told you it didn’t matter whatyour mother thought about your looks . . .”“Aha . . .”“I meant it,” he said. “Because I think you’re beautiful.”

“He snarled. I showed him my teeth.A rolled-up newspaper landed on my head and then on Jim’s. “None of that in myhouse!”Oh my gods. The alpha of Clan Cat just got smacked with a rolled-up newspaper.”

“What did you write on here? ‘Don’t die’?”“No, I wrote, ‘Don’t be an asshole!’”I headed for the house.“On yours or mine?”“On yours.”“Well, in that case, your magic isn’t working. I’m still an asshole.”

“My mind struggled to formulate a coherent though, any thought. I opened my mouth. "Your pajamas have Eeyore on them.""I like Eeyore. He's sensible. A sober outlook on life never hurt anyone.”

“Kate leaned back against her chair. "Where is the bane of my existence?""In the shower, freshening up.""Oh, God, who did Asciano screw now?""No, no, he's covered in blood.""Oh good." She sighed and stopped. "The kid is covered in blood and we're relieved. There is something wrong with us.”

“The door swung open and Kate walked in. Her jeans and T-shirt were splattered with blood and she was carrying a severed vampire head. The T-shirt has a smiley face on it.”

“Why not? It's natural selection. Just like nature." I wrinkled my nose. "Boudas love this argument, because it gives them an excuse to do all the wrong things. 'I'm sorry I screwed your sister and got my penis stuck in your German shepherd. It's in my nature. I just couldn't help myself.”

“Why had I wasted all my time pretending to be someone I wasn't? I was tired, so very, very tired of standing on my own brakes. I felt...right. I felt free.”

“Wiggles hissed as I crossed the floor toward the throne. She fixed me with her empty hateful eyes and smelled the air, her long tongue shiveringthrough the slit of the lipless mouth. Nice to see you too, sweetheart. Remember my cattle prod?”

“Every woman should be told she's attractive. Men are seduced by their eyes, women by their ears." Saiman”

“People think that it's the beast that makes us lose our sanity. They think the beast takes over and we become loup. Animals don't destroy each other for pure pleasure. They don't have serial killers. They kill, they don't murder. No, it's not the beast in us that makes us lose our balance. It's the man. Of all the animals, we're the most aggressive and the most predatory. We have to be, otherwise we would've never survived. You can see it in children, especially adolescents. Life is hard for them, so they attack it and fight for their own place in it. Homo homini lupus.”

“They hold a grudge like it was their family treasure.”

“You said your cousin was a necromancer. You know how the natural necromancers operate?" They twisted the head off your favorite doll, stuffed a dead bird into it, and made it walk around. And then they were puzzled why you got upset.”

“Every handsome man had a flaw. It was just her luck that in William's case that flaw was lunacy.”

“The newcomer struck him as an enterprising sort of man. The kind that would slit your throat for a box of tissues in your bag while you slept.”

“What did you tell them?”“I don't recall. I think I mentioned your discipline and ability to follow orders. I may have said something about you being a team player.”Derek emitted a strangled cough.“Why?” I demanded.“It seemed like a good idea at the time.” Curran resumed hammering.“I'm sorry,” I said into the phone, sticking me finger into my other ear so I could hear. “His Majesty tends to exaggerate things. I'm not a team player. I'm undisciplined and I have a problem with authority. Also, the Beast Lord can't hammer for shit.”On the roof Derek was laughing his head off.”

“Curran strode toward me, eyes blazing. "If I let her go, I'll need a replacement. Want to volunteer for the job."He looked like he wouldn't be taking no for an anser. I swiped Slayer from its sheath and backed away from the edge of the roof. "And be girlfriend number twenty-three soon to be dumped in favor of girlfriend number twenty-four who has slightly bigger boobs? I don't think so."He kept coming. "Oh Yeah?""Yeah, you get these beautiful women, make them dependent on you, and then you dump them. Well, this time a woman left you first, and your enormous ego can't deal with it. And to think that I hoped we could talk like reasonable adults. If we were the last two people on Earth, I'd find myself a moving island so I could get the hell away from you.”

“He stepped forward, took a deep breath, and doubled over in a sneezing fit. My werewolf was allergic to tortoises. Why me?”

“Bleed him and I'll skewer you like a stuck pig," I said through clenched teeth."No, you will try. You'll wave your sword around and talk a lot of shit and then back off at the last minute. And then I'll snap your neck and his.”

“You will tell me what you know now," he said."Or?"He said nothing, so I elaborated. "See, this kind of threat usually has an 'or' attached to it. Or an 'and'. 'Tell me and I'll allow you to live' or something like that.”

“Tension fled from me. Tomorrow I would worry about Hugh d’Ambray and Andrea andRoland, but now I was simply happy. Aaahh. Home. My place, my smells, my familiar rug under my feet, my kitchen, my Curran in the kitchen chair . . . Wait a damn minute.“You!”

“Zazubila jsem se na něj. „Nedokážeš mě porazit, Bono. Ale klidně to můžeš zkusit. Naznačuješ předem, kam udeříš, nehlídáš si pořádně levé rameno a tvoje pistole při magické vlně nestojí ani za hovno. Tak pojď. Ukaž mi, co v tobě je.”

“Kdybych nazvala rytíře Ochránce zkurvysynem v jeho vlastní kanceláři, neobešlo by se to bez následků.”

“It's my uniform. Everyone in my company wears it.""It's hideous."Rose felt her hackles rise. The neon green uniform was hideous, butshe didn't appreciate him pointing it out. She opened her mouth."Yet despite it, you look lovely," he said."Flattery will get you nowhere," she told him."It's not flattery," he said coldly. "Flattery requires exaggeration.I'm merely stating a fact. You're a beautiful woman wearing an uglysack of unnatural color.”