J. Golden Kimball

“A sermon should be like a woman’s dress. Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to keep your attention.”

“I may not always walk the straight and narrow, but I cross it as often as I can.”

“What can God do for a liar who refuses to repent? Can the Lord save him? He can’t claim salvation. Baptizing him in water will not settle the trouble, unless you keep him under.”

“I believe if I had a house in hell and a house in St. George, I'd rent out the one in St. George and live in hell. I really would.”

“Cut me off from the Church? They can't do that! I repent do damn fast!”

“I don't know about this here eternal marriage business. But it seems to me that if you can't live with the sons-of-bitches on earth the Lord won't force you to remain with them in heaven.”

“Well, I've almost got the problem licked. I'm eighty now, and in a few more years, I think I'll have it completely under control. (referring to his love of coffee)”

“Some people say a person receives a position in this church through revelation, and others say they get it through inspiration, but I say they get it through relation. If I hadn't been related to Heber C. Kimball I wouldn't have been a damn thing in this church.”