Jack Gray

“they bread the chicken fingers in Cap'n Crunch cereal. Yeah. Take a moment to absorb how incredible that is, because once you do, you're going to be checking yourself and a platter of that shit into t he nearest hourly motel.”

“I've never met a Labradoodle who wasn't an asshole.”

“Surely the woman had more important things to do than to teach my sister how to read. I was waiting for cookies, for fuck's sake.”