James Alan Gardner
Raised in Simcoe and Bradford, Ontario, James Alan Gardner earned Bachelor's and Master's degrees in Applied Mathematics from the University of Waterloo.
A graduate of the Clarion West Fiction Writers Workshop, Gardner has published science fiction short stories in a range of periodicals, including The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction and Amazing Stories. In 1989, his short story "Children of the Creche" was awarded the Grand Prize in the Writers of the Future contest. Two years later his story "Muffin Explains Teleology to the World at Large" won an Aurora Award; another story, "Three Hearings on the Existence of Snakes in the Human Bloodstream," won an Aurora and was nominated for both the Nebula and Hugo Awards.
He has written a number of novels in a "League of Peoples" universe in which murderers are defined as "dangerous non-sentients" and are killed if they try to leave their solar system by aliens who are so advanced that they think of humans like humans think of bacteria. This precludes the possibility of interstellar wars.
He has also explored themes of gender in his novels, including Commitment Hour in which people change sex every year, and Vigilant in which group marriages are traditional.
Gardner is also an educator and technical writer. His book Learning UNIX is used as a textbook in some Canadian universities.
A Grand Prize winner of the Writers of the Future contest, he lives with his family in Waterloo, Ontario.
“What kind of programmer is so divorced from reality that she thinks she'll get complex software right the first time?”
“That must be the chief reason to become sergeant; so you can assign yourself to monitor the most beautiful security risk.”
“Don't be such a party-pooper, missy --when you're well and truly screwed, either you just sit pissing yourself or you invent some reason to hope.”
“I do not care about the greatest good for the greatest number . . . Most people are poop-heads I do not care about them at all.”
“I like people thinking I'm an asshole. Being an asshole is my life's vocation; I'm a goddamned asshole professional.”
“The council is a place where everyone schemes against everyone else, and people talk incessantly about Power with a capital "Pow".”
“Fate does not invite ugly boring people to save the world; and if you do try to save the world (without being beautiful, strong, clever, or wise), you will soon die pointlessly and how much adventure is there in that?”
“If you agree to work for us, half the time you won't know the purpose of your duties . . . and when we do explain, we might not be telling the truth. But that's the real world, folks . . .”
“We're ruthless bastards and we always play dirty.”
“Don't be a little paranoid; worry about everything, or let it all go.”
“Everyone's life is a mess. Everyone's. We all make mistakes . . . and not just little slip-ups. Major mistakes that hurt us and other people.”
“You clutch your comfortable excuses, saying, Someday I'll be brave, it won't take a lot, just give me one more chance and this time I'll grab it. .”
“Sometimes all the procedures in the world can't protect you . . . but that's no reason to walk up to something that looks like a lion and kick it in the ass.”
“That's the first rule of command; be consistent! You can be sadistic, you can be lazy, you can be stupid, but if you're consistent the crew will still let you sit in when they play dominoes.”
“Given time, a ship's crew will attach sexual innuendo to anything. It makes their jobs more exciting.”