Jamie McGuire

“First of all . . . I have standards. I’ve never been with an ugly woman.Ever. Second of all, I wanted to sleep with you. I thought about throwing you over my couch fifty different ways, but I haven’t because I don’t see you that way anymore. It’s not that I’m not attracted to you, I just think you’re better than that.”

“A toast” I yelled, climbing onto a chair. On my way to the top, I stole someone’s beer and held it out in front of me. “To douche bags!” I said gesturing to Brad. “And to girls that break your heart.” I bowed to Abby. My throat tightened. “And to the absolute fucking horror of losing your best friend because you were stupid enough to fall in love with her. ”

“Cry if you must. Scream. Get it all out of your system, and then we'll have fun. It won't last forever, but it will keep you busy for tonight.”

“I need to hear you say it.”“I love you,” she said. She touched her lips to mine, and then pulled a few inches away. “Now quit being such a baby.”Once she kissed me, my heart slowed, and every muscle in my body relaxed. How much I needed her terrified me. I couldn’t imagine love was like this for everyone, or men would all be walking around like lunatics the second they were old enough to notice girls.Maybe it was just me. Maybe it was just me and her. Maybe together we were this volatile entity that would either implode or meld together. Either way, it seemed the moment I met her, my life had been turned upside down. And I didn’t want it any other way.”

“That morning, lying with the woman I loved, a silent promise was formed in my head. I was going to be a better man for her, someone she deserved. No more flying off the handle. No more temper tantrums, or violent outbursts.”

“The way I feel about you . . . it’s crazy.”“You got the crazy part right,” she snapped, pulling away from me.“I practiced this in my head the whole time we were on the bike, so just hear me out.”“Travis—”“I know we’re fucked-up, all right? I’m impulsive and hot tempered, and you get under my skin like no one else. You act like you hate me one minute, and then you need me the next. I never get anything right, and I don’t deserve you . . . but I fucking love you, Abby. I love you more than I’ve loved anyone or anything, ever. When you’re around, I don’t need booze or money or the fighting or the one-night stands . . . all I need is you. You’re all I think about. You’re all I dream about. You’re all I want.”

“That was some first kiss,” she said with a tired, contented expression. I scanned her face and smiled. “Your last first kiss.”Abby blinked, and then I fell onto the mattress beside her, reaching across her bare middle. Suddenly the morning was something to look forward to. It would be our first day together, and instead of packing in poorly concealed misery, we could sleep in, spend a ridiculous amount of the morning in bed, and then just enjoy the day as a couple. That sounded pretty damn close to heaven to me. Three months ago, no one could have convinced me that I would feel that way. Now, there was nothing else I wanted more.A big, relaxing breath moved my chest up and down, relaxing slowly as I fell asleep next to the second woman I’d ever loved.”

“Abby closed her eyes and leaned down. I knew she meant to kiss the corner of my mouth, but I turned so that our lips met. It was my last chance. I had to kiss her goodbye.”

“My brothers nodded their heads in unison. All of them but me. It wasn’t okay. I didn’t want her to leave. I didn’t care if Jesus wanted her or not. She was my mommy. He could take an old mommy. One that didn’t have little boys to take care of.”

“You can still tell Mommy that you love her and that you’ll miss her, and she’ll hear everything you say.”I looked at Mommy but quickly shook my head. “I don’t want to miss her.”

“First, it’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to feel things. Remember that. Second, be a kid for as long as you can. Play games, Travis. Be silly”—her eyes glossed over—“and you and your brothers take care of each other, and your father. Even when you grow up and move away, it’s important to come home. Okay?”My head bobbed up and down, desperate to please her.“One of these days you’re going to fall in love, son. Don’t settle for just anyone. Choose the girl that doesn’t come easy, the one you have to fight for, and then never stop fighting. Never”—she took a deep breath—“stop fighting for what you want. And never”—her eyebrows pulled in—“forget that Mommy loves you. Even if you can’t see me.” A tear fell down her cheek. “I will always, always love you.”

“The whole feeling-out-of-my-element thing was pissing me off, and then I had Pepé Le Pew over there threatening my death.”

“She did some sort of magic bra trick to get it off and out of her shirt. All women seemed to know the same maneuver.”

“Her words at the party replayed in my mind.If we were in another life, I could love you.Abby was lying weak and sick in my arms, depending on me to take care of her. Inthat moment I recognized that my feelings for her were a lot stronger than I thought. Sometime betweenthe moment we met, and holding her on that bathroom floor, I had fallen in love with her.”

“I don’t want you to be sorry. I don’t want you to be anything,” I snapped. Her expression was the final straw. Of course she didn’t want to be around me. I was an infantil asshole that had the emotional control of a three-year-old. I shoved away from the table and pushed through the door, not stopping until I was sitting on my bike.”

“Dr. Webber rolled her eyes, unimpressed with my timing, and probably a little irritated with my lack of materials. I winked, and the slightest smile touched her lips.”

“The day you appeared on our family tree, I wanted to cut it down.”

“My palms flat against the wall of the tile, I clenched my eyes shut. "Please come back" I said quietly. She couldn't hear me, but it didn't stop me from wishing she would come and save me from the terrible pain I felt without her there.”

“She seemed pissed about something, but I ignored it. She probably just wasn’t a morning person. Although with that logic, she wasn’t really an afternoon or night person, either. Come to think of it, she was kind of a cranky bitch . . . and I liked it.”

“My front door had seen jean skirts, dresses, even a see-through tube dress over a string bikini. A handful of times, spackled-on makeup and glitter lotion. Never pajamas.”

“Abby being in my room made it feel like home, and the emptiness no longer seemed right.”

“Did women deserve to be treated like sluts? No. Did sluts deserve to be treated like sluts? Yes.”

“I took a deep breath, and shut the bedroom door behind me. Even though we'd put each other through hell, we'd found heaven. Maybe that was more than a couple of sinners deserved, but I wasn't going to complain.”

“You think.. you think if maybe you focused on all the bullshit you had to endure with her, that'd make it easier?"I sighed. "I've tried. I keep coming back to the same thought.""What's that?""Now that it's over, I wish I could have all the bad stuff back... just so I could have the good.”

“Jared,” I whispered. I held his hand, and then placed the ring around the tip of his finger. “I choose you as my best friend, and my love for life. I promise you my deepest love, my fullest devotion, my most tender care…through the pressures of the present and the uncertainties of the future, I promise to be faithful to you. It wasn’t until just now that I recognize that this wasn’t coincidence, or a battle. We were always meant for each other. Our love is heaven sent, and I promise to honor that forever and always. From this day forward, you won’t walk alone. My heart will be your shelter and my arms will be your home.”

“There's a girl, Dad."He smiled a bit. "A girl.""She kinda hates me, and I kinda...""Love her?""I don't know. I don't think so. I mean...how do you know?"His smile grew wider. "When you're talking about her with your old dad because you don't know what else to do.”

“Quit it. You're fucking beautiful.""Just point me to the nearest eighties rock video." I said”

“Although he seemed frustrated with the situation regarding Parker, I had the distinct feeling he enjoyed seeing me so happy.”

“His eyes widened and he quivered with howling laughter. "Oh my God! You're killing me! That's it. We have to be friends. I won't take no for an answer.”

“I'm sorry for calling you so early, but this couldn't wait. I can't go to dinner with you on Wednesday.""I can't see you at all actually.""I'm...pretty sure I'm in love with Travis.”

“I like her," I said through my teeth.Shepley held his hand to his ear. "What? I couldn't quite hear you.""You're an asshole! Did you hear that?"Shepley crossed his arms. "Say it.""I like her, okay?""Not good enough.""I have feelings for her. I care about her. A lot. I can't stand it when she's not around. Happy?”

“So you like her and you're scared. Now what?""Nothing. It just sucks that I finally found the girl worth having and she's too good for me.”

“When Pidge wakes up, let me know, okay?” he said in a soft voice. “I got spaghetti,and pancakes, and strawberries, and that oatmeal shit with the chocolate packets, and shelikes Fruity Pebbles cereal, right, Mare?” he asked, turning.When he saw me, he froze. After an awkward pause, his expression melted, and hisvoice was smooth and sweet.“Hey, Pigeon.”I couldn’t have been more confused if I had woken up in a foreign country. Nothingmade sense. At first I thought I had been evicted, and then Travis comes home with bagsfull of my favorite foods.He took a few steps into the living room, nervously shoving his hands in his pockets.“You hungry, Pidge? I’ll make you some pancakes. Or there’s uh…there’s some oatmeal.And I got you some of that pink foamy shit that girl’s shave with, and a hairdryer, and a…a….just a sec, it’s in here,” he said, rushing to the bedroom.The door opened, shut, and then he rounded the corner, the color gone from his face.He took a deep breath and his eyebrows pulled in. “Your stuff’s packed.”“I know,” I said.“You’re leaving,” he said, defeated.”

“I kissed her again, tenderly touching my lips to hers. “Now what?”“Kiss the kids, and then you and I can celebrate eleven years of in-your-face-we-made-it. How about that?”

“That situation is a broken heart just waiting to happen" I said, shaking my head. "I dont think he's capable of being faithful." -Beautiful Disaster”

“I hope you know Benny, that when I take out your men, I mean no disrespect. But I'm in love with this girl, and I can't let you hurt her”

“The first time I bring a girl home, and not only is she the daughter of a famous poker player, but she could easily bankrupt us all in a single hand. For being the family fuckup, I felt like I had finally gained a little respect from my older brothers. And it was all because of Abby.”

“You, Mad Dog, are exactly what I came here to protect her from. But you know what? We're all broken some way or another. Even with your epic fuckup, you just might be exactly what she needs. You get one more chance”

“Megan was an old pro at tipping the scales in her favour. "Introduce me to your girlfriend" Megan said, smiling.She knew damn good and well Abby wasn't my girlfriend. HO 101: If the man in your sights is on a date or with a female friend, force him to admit to lack of commitment. Creates insecurity and instability.”

“You riding in the charger?""Nah. I'm going to see if I can get Abby on the back of my bike again. It's the closest I can get to the inside of her thighs”

“I squinted against the light pouring into the room. I couldn't sleep all night, knowing when the sun came up, it would be all over. Abby stirred, and my teeth clenched. The few hours we spent together wasn't enough. I wasn't ready for it to be over.”

“One of these days you're going to fall in love, son. Don't settle for just anyone. Choose the girl that doesn't come easy; the one you have to fight for, and then never stop fighting. Never”

“I decided a long time ago I would feed on the vultures until a dove came along. A pigeon. The kind of soul that didn't impede on anyone; just walked around worrying about its own business, trying to get through life without pulling everyone else down. With its own needs and selfish habits. Brave. A communicator. Intelligent. Beautiful. Soft-spoken. A creature that mates for life. Unattainable until she has a reason to trust you.”

“I'm gonna fuck it up, Pigeon. You're gonna get sick of my shit."I laughed. "I'm sick of your shit now. I still married you.”

“That's permanent, Travis.""So are we," he said, touching my cheek.”

“Abs? What are you, a workout video?”

“This place is going to be destroyed in the morning. The cleanup crew is going to be busy.""You have a cleanup crew?""Yeah", he smiled, "We call them freshmen.”

“I was now in a situation where I didn't have to prove myself, because the one person that fully accepted me, my best friend, was now a permanent fixture in my life.”

“Watching Abby own my brothers--hand after hand was turning me on. I'd never seen a woman so sexy in my life, and this one happened to be my girlfriend.-pg 257/ARC”

“I pulled her arms around me without apology, tight enough that it was difficult to expand my chest enough to fully inhale but for the first time all night, I felt like I could breathe.-pg 232/ARC”