Janette Rallison

“Adults are constantly telling teenagers that it's what's on the inside that matters. It's always painful to find out that adults have lied to you.”

“Happy people are rarely interesting.”

“Yesterday you asked me what the purpose of life is. I've thought about that ever since. I think it's to do good no matter what life throws at you, to not let the pain turn you bitter. It's something we have to learn, something we have to make ourselves become...Little kids don't have to learn it. They already know.”

“You know, sometimes you've got to trust the people you love. You've got to trust that if they're good people, they'll make good decisions.”

“Beauty has a persuasive power all its own.”

“Blackmailers never explain their thinking. They're like pirates that way. Dark-hearted, dangerous--- and cool like Johnny Depp.”

“You can always tell how a man will treat his wife by the way he treats his mother.”

“Sometimes love not only lifts you to the ceiling, it also keeps your eyes there.”

“Guys can smell desperation. It triggers an instinct in them to run far and fast so they aren't around when a woman starts peeling apart her heart. ”

“Courage is a fickle creature. Just as you need it, it often makes excuses and rushes out of the room.”

“A few moments later Mom opened my door and peered in at me. "Logan Hansen is here to see you."If it had been anyone else in the world, I would have told my mother to send him away. Santa Claus himself could have shown up to explain his whereabouts since my childhood, and I would have turned him out.”

“Goose neck is a delicacy. You have to at least try it. In fancy restaurants people pay up to fifty dollars a plate for this stuff.' And at our house we were force-fed it for free. Just another irony of life.”

“Perhaps I wasn't going crazy after all. Perhaps I was just becoming a writer. ”

“I've pursued dreams and achieved them, but I don't think anybody should think their life is incomplete if they don't follow some dream. Happiness doesn't come from achievements, or money, or any sort of treasure. Happiness is a frame of mind, not a destination. It's appreciating what you've got and building relationships with those around you.”

“Madame Bellwings, Memoir Elf Coordinator, was not at all pleased with this request, because elves who write the memoirs of teenage girls have the habit of returning to the magical realm with atrocious grammar. They can't seem to shake the phrases "watever" and "no way," and they insert the word like into so many sentences that the other elves start slapping them...and for no apparent reason occasionally call out the name Edward Cullen.”

“What was God thinking when he created a guy this handsome? He wasn't a gift to womankind, he was a torture device.”

“The next level. As though dating were a computer game.”

“Peacocks have the bright feathers. Fish have the long tails. Women have the mall.”

“You need to be more careful, or you could hurt yourself."Right. Thank you, Mrs. Detweiler. I never would have come to that conclusion by myself. I was planning on incorporating a backflip into my next walk across the classroom but on second thought...”

“One of us will just have to stay at the cottage to keep an eye on her.' [...]Let's see if Widow Hazel wouldn't take her in during the day, maybe teach her something useful -'No, remember when she learned how to knit? Now we're stuck wearing these dreadful hats.'Not so loud! She'll hear you.'In a lower voice one of the dwarfs said, 'H.A.T.S.'Apparently Snow White didn't know how to knit or to spell.”

“Let me guess - you're Grumpy?'He let out a humpf. ' And you would be too, if you'd just spent the last hour searching the forest for your wayward charge.' He walked even faster. 'We tell you to stay inside, we tell you not to talk to strangers. But oh no, you must be out singing to the animals as if the birds didn't do a fine enough job of it. And this after Queen Neferia has already tried to kill you thrice. [...] Which is why you are not to go shopping anymore, no matter how pretty the wares, remember?'Oh, right.' [...] when you looked at it that way, Snow White had to be pretty idiotic to keep falling for the same trick.”

“Like Robin Hood....Not real, but true.”

“I bet you Cinderella didn't get along with Prince Charming's friends. Oh sure, the knights and barons probably put up with her on account that she was pretty and had such dainty feet and all, but you should know every duchess and contess in the kingdom hated her guts.”

“I suppose you could pass for a starlet. You do have that femme fatale air about you. Like you crush boys’ dreams in your spare time.”

“It's not like most people read anymore. Well, not unless the book has a wizard school or a hot vampire. And, as a Kari Kngsley expert, I'm absolutely certain your life has neither of those things.”

“I didn't bother to explain about the glitter in my hair. I figured they could think it was a family trait. We all glittered, just like the Cullens in Twilight.”

“Charlotte: "It’s too bad they don’t give out diplomas for what you learn at the mall, because I could graduate with honors in that subject. No really. Since I’ve worked there, I’ve become an expert on all things shopping-related. For example, I can tell you right off who to distrust at the mall:1) Skinny people who work at Cinnabon. I mean, if they’re not eating the stuff they sell, how good can it be?2) The salesladies at department store makeup counters. No matter what they tell you, buying all that lip gloss will not make you look like the pouty models in the store posters.3) And most importantly—my best friend’s boyfriend, Bryant, who showed up at the food court with a mysterious blonde draped on his arm.”

“It's acting, not lying, so I will not be sent to hell for saying these sorts of things.”