J.C. Lillis

“Abel snores pornographically, like a prince sleeping off an orgy.”

“My secret is cool and mysterious like a jagged scar across my chest, and not dull and heavy like I gave up church buy not the angst.”

“You've thrown a lot of pennies in ponds," she says. "Haven't you.”

“I am one man with a laptop. When I give the world my characters, it's because I don't want to keep them for myself. You don't like what I made them do? Fucking tell me I'm wrong! Rewrite the story. Throw in a new plot twist. Make up your own ending.”

“ Status: Naked. On bed. With boy. Systems overheating. Sudden doubts multiplying. Meltdown imminent. ”

“I've never seen a naked torso that wasn't on a cross, at least not so close up. I don't know where to look. His belly button. Belly button. Look at the belly button. ”

“God is like junior high, Brandon. Graduate already.”

“I can tell I'm being annoying, the kind of annoying where it feels like I haven't showered for days and everyone should just stay away.”

“Pretentious.""So? I love pretentious people!""Why?""They try so hard to be interesting, you don't have to do any work.”

“Well, who doesn't love a good mpreg?""A what?""Sim gets man-pregnant? Gives birth to twins during a tornado?""I'll pretend I never heard that.""Here, I'll read you the wedding one -""NO.”

“... Brandon's going to talk to a B-O-Y, and -""What?""That's your assignment tonight. You converse in public with a boy. You've heard of them, right? They're like girls, but with penises?”

“You can't stay fucked up forever, can you? You need to start putting yourself out there and getting humiliated like the rest of us. Only then will you be a Real Boy”