Jean Shepherd

“Randy lay there like a slug. It was his only defense.”

“What the hell time is it?" muttered the old man. He was always an aggressive sleeper. Sleep was one of the things he did best, and he loved it. Some look upon sleep as an unfortunate necessary interruption of life; but there are others who hold that sleep is life, or at least one of the more fulfilling aspects of it, like eating or sex. Any time my old man's sleep was interrupted, he became truly dangerous.”

“There are fewer things more thrilling in life than lumpy letters. That rattle.”

“The Bumpuses were so low down on the evolutionary totem pole that they weren't even included in Darwin's famous family tree. They had inbred and ingrown and finally emerged from the Kentucky hills like some remnant of Attila the Hung's barbarian horde. Flick said that they had webbed feet and only three toes. It might have been true.”

“I had woven a tapestry of obscenity that as far as I know is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan. ”

“Semicolon, you dolt!”