J.F. Lewis

“Eric: But you already know...Greta: Well, yeah, but I still want us to have The Talk. All daughters get to have The Talk.Eric: Fine. You remember the book "If you give a Mouse a Cookie"?Greta: Ye-es.Eric: It's like that.Greta: No it isn't.Eric: No. It absolutely is...Eric: If you give a boy a kiss, he'll want to touch your cookies. If you let him touch your cookies, he'll want to unwrap them. If you let him unwrap them, he'll want to put them in his mouth. And THEN, if you let him put them in his mouth, the boy will want to pet your kitty. But if you let him pet your kitty, he'll want to see your kitty. And of course, if you let him see your kitty, then he'll want to feed it. And if you let him kiss you, touch your cookies, unwrap your cookies, put them in his mouth, pet your kitty, see your kitty, and feed your kitty, you'll get pregnant unless you make him wear a raincoat on his banana. So it's better if you just kick the boy in the nuts and run over him with the car.Greta: I don't think that's how The Talk usually goes.Eric: No?Greta: No, but it's okay, Dad. I like your version, too.”

“If your head comes off, don't start a fight in a goddamn bowling alley.”

“I have a sixth sense for things I don't want to know and her manner pegged this as top of the scale ignorance-is-bliss material.”